Weddingbee boards

So as you may have read in this post yesterday, FI's groomsman just got engaged and was planning a DW in the Keys the weekend before Xmas. FI and I got into a bit of a tiff because I said we couldn't afford to go. Flashforward to last night when I got home from my shrink (and AMEN for the timing on that one as I was in introspective, good advice giving mode).

FI tells me that GM has bagged the Keys idea in favor of having his wedding the weekend before ours in the same general area. He is furious but he doesn't know what to say or do about it. He said he didn't want to "act like a girl about it" (I LOL'd hard at that one) but I could tell his feelings were very hurt by this guy.

Then FI goes, well I think I'm just going to tell him that if he goes through with that date, I'm not coming to the wedding, to which I reply UM no s**t you're not going. We're going to be busy getting stuff done for our own wedding. It's not even an option for you to go. So basically we feel like if GM does this, it's basically like not inviting us, and we think that's f**ked up. Fi is hardcore regretting making him a GM. He says this guy has always and forever exhibited selfish behavior, but he made him a GM because he's one of his oldest friends. Now he's kicking himself for having any faith in this douche.

The situation has escalated in less than 24 hours. Not a good scene.

They haven't put down deposits, have they?  Does your FI have the kind of relationship with this dude where he could say, "Um, not to butt in, but you're sort of setting yourself up for a fall here."

(Hoping GM is just oblivious and not actually being mean.)

yes, he won't be able to attend your wedding if he's on his honeymoon... if that decision is final, then i guess the other questions are pretty easy to answer- mutually don't attend either wedding.

Unless you can plan far enough ahead to not have stuff pile up the week before, then it'd be no problem.. We had to travel far for our wedding, so all of the wedding stuff was done weeks in advance. I would recommend that to ANYONE, destination bride or local bride. There is enough emotionally going on to have to worry about folding and tucking and doing last minute things.  Just my 2 cents!

My parents are renting a house in the area of the wedding starting the weekend before and FI and I have to help transport all the stuff for the wedding and the stuff for the stay at the house to the rental house. My parents will have the dog in the car (she's huge) so they can't bring everything and they need our help, which we happily offered. Doing anything the weekend before our wedding is completely out of the question, even if we were already 100% ready to go with wedding prep.

FI is also pissed because this guy is supposed to be helping plan his bachelor party with the other guys and hadn't done anything or responded to emails before he got engaged and since has sent like 6 emails about his own bachelor party never once mentioning the plans they were trying to make for FI's party. He also suggested in his emails that they do almost the exact same thing that FI wanted to do (rent a house somewhere for the weekend, play poker, grill out, etc.). Also, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but this guy got his fiancee's e-ring at the same place FI got mine, which is nowhere close to where he lives. It has nothing to do with anything, but at this point FI is analyzing all this guy's behavior and is basically of the mindset that he's being sabotaged.

Personally, I don't think this guy has the brainpower to actively sabotage anyone. I think he's just an idiot, has no idea what goes into planning a wedding, and is just sort of talking out of his a**. I told FI to tell him good luck finding any available venue in the area considering we went to look April of last year and almost everything was booked through Sept 2010.

Just my 2 cents but I would say do yourself a favor and boot the GM out now.  If he really is as selfish as it sounds you will not want him around at your wedding.  Let him have his wedding the weekend before because now you have a good reason to ask him to step down.

yeahhh... i want to be optimistic here but it sounds a little Single White Female... pretty soon he'll be copying your FI's hairstyle and calling you up on the phone, haha.

LOL @ Melissa

We did discuss the idea of "allowing him to step down" but I'm really never a proponent of that unless someone does something truly truly awful to you. Yeah sometimes I'm like OMG BM I WANT TO KICK YOUR A** OUT but I won't do it. It would take a lot. FI feels the same way.

I don't know what this guy's honeymoon plans are - if he's leaving right after the wedding or whatever. I don't think they have any plans yet. That would be the only legit excuse to get rid of him. He would essentially be getting rid of himself.

My honest opinion on the situation is that dude doesn't know WTF he is doing and he'll come to realize that pretty much everything he has suggested thus far is not remotely feasible.

I'm surprised it didn't occur to me in your last post that this guy is such a nitwit.  I mean, your POV made sense, your FI's made sense.  This guy??  Has no IDEA what he is doing.  He's probably just copying what you've done because he's 1) a douche and 2) too clueless to figure it out himself.  Your fiance should have a good talk with him about what seriously goes into the days before and after a wedding.  Make it clear the he understands the commitment he's making to his own wedding and if he wants to change dates / back out, it'll be ok either way. 

Update d'jour: FI had emailed GM sort of gently asking him "Why did you guys change the date from the Key West plan?" and GM writes back "OH we're just getting really antsy to do it" so FI wrote back something to the effect of "Well, you've known exactly when our wedding is for months now so I hope you guys aren't so antsy to get married that I won't be able to come to your wedding."

Not the way I would have phrased it, honestly. FI thinks he's being more subtle than he actually is most of the time. Crafting a well-worded email is not a strength of his. There has been no response as of right now but I don't anticipate it being a good one.

Well, at least he doesn't mince words! If that is who he is, why try to bundle something up in a pretty package?  "Hey buddy - wtf? quit being a stooge" works too. hehe

@ejs - Good point about men v. women! I know I could never get away with that. But, yeah, if this GM involves his FI things are going to get out of hand. The girl is wackadoodle with a capital WACK.

UPDATE: GM and his FI have now set a new date, June 19th, which doesn't conflict with anything. They have apparently booked their venue, which is some barn-type inn place I don't even know where, and I don't care. I'm just happy FI doesn't have to be freaking out anymore. He did freak me out though cause he was like UMMMM when is your bachelorette party again? (It's the weekend before that) He was totally convinced it was the same weekend, not that it would have mattered to me at all, but I know he would have been upset. Anyway, crisis averted - for now. WHy do I feel like they will change it at least one more time?