Post # 1
FI’s Grandfather was killed in a farming accident a few weeks ago. We could not make it to the funeral because my FI’s job does not recognize a grandfather as a direct relative and if he were to miss work he would be set back in his training and we’d lose a lot of money we can’t lost right now. He’s already paying for 50% of wedding, our finances are tight.
Anyway, apparently $%^ hit the fan at the funeral about family money. Now his Mom can’t speak to his grandmother unless it’s through the mail. Most of his family has changed their RSVP’s to No because they don’t want to be around her.
His Mom had called me, said they “kicked her out” of the family. She also told me that my FI’s father was at the funeral withi his step-mom and was being really flirty with Mom and Step-Mom was pissed. And then today on lunch I check my Facebook and I have a message from FI’s step-mom basically saying “Sorry had surgery on my eye couple weeks ago, we can’t make it”. Really?! Now the ONLY family my fiance will have there is his Mom and 2 of his Aunt’s are still coming. I’m so pissed I can’t see straight.
Post # 3
Sounds like your FMIL is a piece of work.
Honestly. A funeral is no time nor place to bring up finances or whore it up with your ex-hubby in front of his current wife.
That being said, from your post it seems you’re more pissed off then he is hurt by this. I can understand the sentiment, as I take it personally that only one member of my FI family (his Brother) is attending our wedding when he has both parents still alive and 4 siblings in total. His mom won’t come if his dad’s invited. His dad is invited but doesn’t want to come with his new wife if there’s any chance his mom will be there. The other 3 siblings have “lives” that would be inconvienienced. Argh! Mini-rant over!!!
Guys are less sentimental then us girls. My FI could care less, as long as his one brother and close friends are there. Sure, he says that it sucks the others can’t attend, but he’s not going to cry over it. In the end you can’t take this personal, because from what you’re implying you FI’s family is avoiding his mother and not your marriage and what it symbolizes. At the end of the day, if your FI is beside himself with sorrow and angst that his family chooses not to be in attendence he should personally plead this case with his relatives one-on-one.
“I have a suspicion that you are boycotting attending our wedding to avoid interaction with my mother. If this is the case, I’d like to remind you that our wedding is about ________ and me and the love we share for one another. It would mean a great deal to me if you’d reconsider being with us as you are an influential and cherished member of MY family. I would like to hope you do not use your current dislike towards my mother as fodder for declining the invitation.”
Post # 4
I also have to agree I am reading between the lines, and it seems like your Fmil when in there and starting freaking world war three. Bringing up money issues at a funeral is distateful and probably hurtful to grandmother rightfuly so!
I think your Fi truly wants them there, he gets on the phone, say he doesn’t know what went on but it’s important to him and he wants his family there, and if they have issues with his mother he will seat them apart and tell herto keep her distance.
As for his father, I woud drive to house and go speak to him in person! Your step mother needs to put on her big girl pantys and realize that if her husband was flirting or his ex wife that issue is smaller then their sons wedding. If it bothers her that much then she should keep her ass at home and Dad should attend alone.
Post # 5
First off, my sincere condolences to you and your Fiance… losing a loved one, especially a Grand Parent can be really painful.
As for Employee Bereavement rights… allow me to vent. UGGGH.
Gosh, it is about time that Companies caught up with the MODERN AGE… people are living longer than ever before… and a bloodline relative such as a Grand Parent NEEDS TO BE a reason for leave. Plain & simple.
*Steps Down off Soap Box*
As for the immediate problem at hand…
HOW I HATE FAMILY DRAMA
Weddings & Funerals either bring out the best in people or the worst… sadly there isn’t always much inbetween.
I am sooo sorry that this mess has happened in the timeframe leading up to your Wedding. (So sucks)
Sounds like your FMIL is a bit of a pill… talking money at a Funeral … getting flirty with her Ex (face it she should have PUT AN END to that if SHE WANTED … if she did then no doubt the Step-Mom wouldn’t be quite so p!ssed)
I don’t have any suggestions on how to bring a quick resolution to this (lol, one side of my own family is famous for lengthy cold-shoulders / feuds)…
Other than to say…
STAY OUT OF IT… This is your Fiance’s side of the family, so he is the one who has to deal with it.
(( HUGS )) to you tho