- 7 years ago
- Wedding: February 2011
FI and I came from very different backgrounds- he grew up in a poorer inner city neighborhood and I grew up in a wealthy suburb. He didnt have much money growing up and I never wanted for much. When we met we were pretty opposite in a lot of ways but we became fast friends and figured out that the two of us had a lot in common. We helped each other through some pretty tough times in our lives and through it all fell in love. For the most part I wouldnt change a thing about my fiance (except maybe get him to put the dishes in the DISHWASHER instead of the SINK ) 🙂
His family is a different story though. We have always gotten along just fine- I am not saying it was love at first sight but we all have respect for one another and I dare say have grown rather fond of one another. As the wedding has drawn closer, however, it seems people have felt more and more comfortable letting me in on the “drama” that goes on.
His brother has a serious medical problem and hasnt worked for almost five years. It isnt that he isnt capable (in fact he has worked construction and gotten paid under the table- this drives me nuts) I think it is a little more of him using it as an excuse not to. He mooches off his girlfriend and mom and uses govt resources and all together funds a decent lifestyle. This bugs the heck out of me. He is much older than fiance and should know better by now. He mooched a significant amount of money off fiance before we were engaged as well. Thanksfully FI learned his lesson. Not only does all of this bug me but it worries me as well. If he never gets his life together are we going to end up being the ones to support him when FI parents are no longer around to?
I worry about FI parents too. They are not well off and sometimes dont make the smartest financial decisions. I think they are great but also worry we will end up taking care of them.
The drama extends further too. There are cousins and aunts I have never met because they arent speaking. There are a few that would scare the crap out of you if you met them. There are a few whose behavior and “activities” I dont exactly approve of.
Most of the time FI and I live in our sheltered little suburban bubble and I never think twice about these things but the wedding has meant that some of these family members and the drama that follows them have crawled out of the woodwork.
I hope I am not coming across as insensitive but I grew up in an extremely sheltered and stable family. All of this drama is new and scary to me. I have NEVER had to wonder if my family members could take care of themselves or that they would bring unecessary drama into my life and this has really started to scare me. I just can foresee it being a huge stress later in life and that scares me.
Anyone else out there marrying into a family that is much different that your own? How did you handle it? Should I be worried?