Post # 1
I just called my FI to confirm the number of rooms we need to block out at the hotel. He said that he wasn’t sure because he had to look at our invite list one last time because he was thinking about adding someone from work.
We’re already at 86 people with a hope that at least a dozen will either send a rejection or opt out of bringing a guest. So I asked him “Who?” He said “My boss.” I INSTANTLY said “NO!” – I didn’t even take a breath.
This man is evil. My FI is not a citizen and is currently working with an H1B visa. His boss says things like “so if I fire you, how long can you stay before you have to leave the country?” or “Tell me, so is this whole gettin’ married thing a ploy to stay in the country?” or “How’s planning going? (FI answers with a update then he says) Wow! She’s really pushing you down the aisle!”
He also belittles my FI whenever he has the chance only because he knows FI won’t respond with any backlash because he doesn’t want to give this man a reason to fire him. So of all the people I don’t want at my wedding, this man is definitely at the top of the list!
He literally has zero decorum. He calls his live-in girlfriend names like “skank” and “fat cow” as pet names and he makes fun of people that he manages (not just FI) only because he has “power”. Meanwhile, he’s been fishing for an invite and saying things like “yeah so when I get my invitation…” or “I’m invited, right?”
I’m TRYING my best to open my mind up to compromise, but the thought of this man saying something crazy or even upsetting FI after he returns to work just makes me feel enraged. He is scum!!!!
What should I do? How do I talk to him about this? I don’t want to make things harder for him at work but this is so personal and so special and I don’t want something like this scumbag to ruin it for us.
Post # 3
I’m in a similar situation. I really don’t want to invite my horrible boss (I’ll only be working for her for a year or two more anyway), but my parents think I shouldn’t “burn that bridge.” I think that one went up in flames years ago….
Post # 4
@TaurianDoll: Wow he sounds like a HUGE dickhead. A few questions, are you a US citizen and will your FI be going for PR status based on marriage after you are married? If so then I would say fuck it and not invite him since he’ll be doing a change of status anyway. I work in immigration and I cannot believe his employer is holding this over his head, such a dick move! If your FI isn’t going for PR and will continue on his H1B then for the sake of keeping his job and not having his work situation get worse then I’d throw him an invite and hope he doesn’t show up!
Also just to note if an employer prematurely terminates and H1B by law they must provide return transportation for the H1B worker so I hope your FI’s country would be a costly flight for his boss to pay for…he’s a dick.
Post # 5
I am tagging for the future. My boss is such a tool and the very last person I would like to see on my wedding day. I hope you get some good support. I would say don’t invite him, but it is easier said than done!
Post # 6
I think that is totally the way to play this, if FI needs his job after the wedding then you’re going to have to deal. If he doesn’t don’t invite him.
Are you in a place where it’s remotely acceptable to invite people just to the later reception, like after the meal? If yes, then I would look at this. If no, I would still consider it personally…
ETA: is anyone else from your FI’s work invited?? If no, then could you spin some kinda “sorry, it’s family and a few super old close friends only”?
Post # 7
@Bazinga: Thanks for the insight.
I am a US citizen and FI will start his paperwork for PR sometime in February after we come back from honeymoon and file taxes jointly. He has a lot of legal immigrant friends who suggested that we don’t rush into the PR process until we’ve filed jointly so we’re going to wait. He’s hoping to apply for new jobs in May.
I always wondered if this guy was breaking some sort of law by intimidating him and saying these things. He’s a real loser.
Post # 8
@Honeyblood: Unfortunately yes, 2 other people are invited BUT they don’t talk to FI’s boss and they keep things that they do with FI outside of work on the low.
I wish he would just stop talking about the wedding at work! When he told me he showed his boss the wedding website, I thought steam was going to come out of my ears.
Post # 9
I seriously made this and sent it to my mom and to FI. Every time I talk to him or my mom I get a “Hey! Remember so and so? The one who did this and that for me 12 years ago? They want to come to the wedding.” What the entire -EFF?
So since they don’t care about the emotional part of this, perhaps the price tag will remind them. (Wedding planning makes you do crazy things)
Post # 10
@TaurianDoll: hmmm, this is not easy. I personally wouldn’t invite him, but that’s because I don’t have people who make my life bad around me ever, I’m brutal with cutting people out these days. Also, that’s a lot of money for a guy who’s a d*ck.
Post # 11
@Honeyblood: That’s my exact logic. Why would I pay for you to make me more miserable ON MY TIME!??!
I wouldn’t pay for this man to eat the gum off the bottom of my shoe.
Post # 12
@TaurianDoll: Do NOT invite him. All he will do is ruin your special day. Plus then you will have to invite his live-in girlfriend.
Just have FI explain you’ve got a large family and you’ve reach the maximum at the venue. There is no more room.
Post # 13
Honestly, I would just invite him. It looks gracious, and if you don’t it’s just more fuel for him to harass your FI over. Honestly, weddings are SO busy, you are unlikely to have time to talk to him anyway, so I doubt he would have a chance to pull that type of crap at the wedding. There were plenty of people at my wedding that I don’t particularly care for (family members, etc) but I just had to suck it up and bite the bullet to avoid drama. The one person I was really concerned about daying mean things on the wedding day we barely even talked to, so she didn’t even get a chance.
Post # 14
I would say don’t invite him, but it is easier said than done!
Post # 15
@TaurianDoll: I love this sign. I’m going to make one and give it to FI. He doesn’t realize how much each individual you add costs and wants to add 6 old friends that haven’t talked to him in years just because they ran into eachother recently. Our wedding is tiny as it is and adding 6 people increases our food/bev cost by about 15%.
As for the boss thing, I would say that’s a big hell no to the invite! You can always say you have limited space and cannot accommodate additional guests and that close family and friends are given the seats first.
Also, like PPs have said, even if it does affect your FI’s employment, at least he will be PR after the wedding so you don’t have to worry 🙂
Post # 16
@ChemistryBride: I’m not worried about the wedding as much as I’m worried about FI at work.
His boss has the tendency to make fun of people – bringing up things outside of work and carrying on about it and embarrassing people. He’s relentless.
I could picture him saying “HAHAHA! R danced like a clown to every song! He was so mushy and what was up with that food?? The music was kinda weird too!”
he also sees being involved in something so personal as a license to “kid around” in a line-crossing way about all kinds of things. He does that to another person on FI’s team, calling the guy a “real idiot for doing this or that” to his face. Just a real jerk.
I don’t want him to ruin the memory for FI.