Post # 1
So as long as I’ve known my FI (we’ll call him Jack) he has been called Jack, simply that. It’s on his shirts, his voicemail, everyone calls him by it. However, his real first name is not Jack. It’s not even close to it. It’s actually a really old fashioned name (MY grandfather also has that name) It is a family name thats been passed down from his grandfather to his father to him. However, his mother didn’t like addressing him as his real first name (confusion..because the father uses it) so she called him Jack. As it is getting closer to the wedding, Jack wants to put his real first name on everything. I understand, that IS his legal name. It will HAVE to be on some of the legal documents and the church things. However, does it have to go on everything? It kind of freaks me out because people don’t know him as his first name. They think of his father. I made up a mock save the date with our pictures and put his name on it and showed it to my cousins and they were all freaked out because “it’s Jack…but it doesn’t say Jack…it looks like you messed up and are marrying a stranger.”
I totally know I’m over-reacting, but it really has been throwing me off looking at all these wedding things and feeling like people are going to think I’m marrying Jack’s father, or my grandfather. It just doesn’t feel right to me. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
Maybe you could put his first and middle name on everything. Like Steven Jack…that way people will know its him
Post # 4
My Fiance goes by his middle name. On the invite, we put First Middle Lastname. But, we used the name he goes by in the service and on other stuff. I wouldn’t feel right vowing to marry NOT FI!
Could you put Firstname “Jack” Lastname?
Post # 5
Hmm. My husband is one of those guys with a formal name who go by an obvious casual version/nickname. (Think John for Jonathon, or Mike for Michael, etc.) We used the “John” version on just about everything except our invitations, which were very formal, and thus used his formal name. Does that help?
Post # 6
It’s his name, his wishes should govern. Anyone who can’t figure out that you’re not marrying an 80 year old who happens to have the same name as your Fiance isn’t trying very hard.
Post # 7
My husband goes by his middle name, but he wanted his full name on everything, too–after all it is his name. We just did his First Middle on all correspondence and no one was confused.
Post # 8
Darling Husband goes by his first and middle intials by everyone. I insisted by going by his first name since it was formal. Personally it didn’t bug or freak me out.
I did get miffed at my Mother-In-Law because she got our serving set and put his initials and my nickname on her serving set. She did it becasue they charged per letter and it was cheaper. (rolls eyes)
Post # 9
I would let him. It is his name, afterall. People will understand. Lots of people do that.
Post # 10
@tiki429: My ex went by his initials. Always had doen from a young age (mum called him by his initials). When I found out his “real” name I was godbsmacked, and reverted to calling him by his initials.
OP, I would say it is his name, but as others have said can you not use both? A friend of mine interchanges his first and middle. He’s Charles Benjamin. His family and the people he grew up with (including me) call him Ben. His newer friends (university/work) call him Charlie. When we went to a big birthday of his everyone got confused!
Post # 12
I’m struggling with my FI’s name as well. He goes by a shortened version of his middle name so I’m not exactly sure which name to put where. Most everyone knows so there isn’t an issue for people being confused. I’m using both of our full names on the formal invites, though, just to be sure everyone realizes its him. The biggest issue I’m running into, though, is monograms…I’d like to have our initals on some things at the reception but don’t know which of his initals to use.
Post # 13
I LOVE my first name. I think it’s beautiful, classy, elegant, and I so wish people would call me by it.
But they don’t. They’ve always called me by a nickname, which isn’t even a traditional nickname for my first name (i.e. not like “Jenn” for “Jennifer” or “Jess” for “Jessica” or something). A lot of people who’ve always known me by my nickname don’t even realize that it’s not my REAL name.
I had a super hard time justifying using my actual first name on wedding stuff, or Facebook, or whatever. I am still constantly worried that people won’t know who I am, so I end up using my nickname, and then I NEVER get to use my real name. It’s even worse now that I’ve taken my husband’s last name, because people have NO idea who the heck I am. When I used Realfirstname Maidenname, people could at least figure out that I was based on my maiden name. But now that I want to be Realfirstname Marriedname, they have no clue.
So, from someone who’s spent a lifetime regretting the fact that she never feels like she can use her own damn name because other people will be confused, I say let your Fiance use his and deal with it. 🙂