Post # 1
Hi All, very confused here. I looked on my computer’s history tonight and I discoverd that my FI’s Okcupid profile is still active. I knew that he had a profile before we met, but I had assumed that he deleted it. I had a match.com profile before we met, but completly deleted the account shortly after we began our relationship.
I looked on his profile and it looks completely innocent. The relationship status says “seeing someone”, and there are zero recent messages to or from anyone.
I don’t know if I should say something to him about it. I don’t believe he is doing anything wrong, but I guess I just don’t understand why he would still have a profile. It just makes me feel very uncomfortable that he is looking at singles profiles.
Do people use OkCupid to find platonic friendships? If your SO was seeking a platonic relationship with another woman, would it bother you? I’m feeling terribly insecure about this…
Post # 3
Why don’t you just ask him? It’s possible he completely forgot about it.
Post # 4
Ok – quite honestly, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions…. but it depends on your guy. OK Cupid has a TON of cool personality quizzes that are pretty fun to take. They also have a question/answer section where you can answer questions and see how others compare.
I think it’s a good sign that his profile says “seeing someone”.
However….. it depends on how recently he was online??? It sounds like you are saying it was quite recent. And it’s valid for you to be concerned.
So, I would definitely ask him. I would probably be right up front and say you saw it in the history and you are wondering why he still has an account. See how he reacts. What he says. You’re looking for his physical reaction more than what he actually says.
Post # 5
I’d probably ask him in a lighthearted/joking way. Like “Hey, are you trying to find me a new boyfriend?”.
I dunno, I’ll sometimes check out plenty of fish or whatever with my single friends to check out good or terrible profiles. I don’t know that guys help eachother with that stuff though…
Post # 6
My issue with this is that it was in your recent history. I personally thought people used that site to meet other people like match. Now I could be wrong! But I would definitely ask him about it.
Post # 7
I met DH on that site when I had recently moved and I honestly was just looking for people to hang out with, not necessarily a relationship. That said, if I still had a profile now and continued to look for platonic friendships on there, DH would not be pleased. It’s probably harmless but you won’t know unless you ask him what’s up.
Post # 8
Ive actually delt with this somewhat before, my SO left his email up and I noticed an email from POF. I got really upset about it and freaked out and thought all of the most awful possible things. My friends told me to just ask him, and I did….rather dramatically I may add and made a huge scene and was very over dramatic. Come to find out he had it for work, he works in law enforcement and was checking on one of his clients, and totally forgot about even having the account. He let me delete it and told me next time to just ask him, he has nothing to hide. He handled it very well and I felt dumb for not just asking him about it in a better fashion. I dont think guys think about those things like we do. Hope everything turns out ok 🙂
Post # 9
My FI had the dating profile from the site we met on (gk2gk.com) for about 7 months into our relationship. He kept getting emails on his phone from them (weekly “updates”) He just simply forgot about it and never logged back in to delete his profile.
I fiannly logged into his and began teasing him- reading all the lame pickup lines he tried using on ladies before me. He deleted it after that. Perhaps he just got lazy and didn’t see a need to go back.
Post # 10
You should ask him. However, make sure not to come across as accusatory, because this type of situation could turn ugly really fast!
Post # 11
My husband still has his OKCupid profile. He doesn’t use it, and his membership hasn’t expired. He still gets e-mails from them saying that he has matches and stuff. We think it’s funny and will just let it die on its own.
If he’s not using it, don’t worry.
Post # 12
I know I keep my okcupid because sometimes my friend goes looking for guys and forwards me their profiles to see if they’re not shmucks or something.
That said, you should probably communicate and talk to your SO about that. It should be okay if he hasn’t used it in awhile or has it labeled as “seeing someone”.
Post # 13
@PinkPinstripes: MTE, I had one for a large chunk of my current relationship that I had just forgtten about. Try not to freak out when you talk to him about it, OP!
Post # 14
Just ask him – don’t accuse, just say hey I was wondering why you still have an active profile, I’d really feel more comfortable if you removed it. Since you never asked him explicily to remove it, he didn’t do anything wrong by keeping it up persey.
I had an online dating profile back in the day and when I started dating someone, sometimes I’d just forget and leave it up. It’s deactivated right now, but I definitely go on it sometimes to check out people my friends are going on dates with if they ask me to. FI knows and is cool with it – he knows I’m not messaging anyone or anything (it’s one you have to pay for so you can’t do anything for free on it except search). When we’re bored we both like to go on and just check out the people’s profile.
Post # 15
I have an OK Cupid profile. My status also says seeing somone and it says looking for pen pals/friends. My account was set up about 5 years ago when i first moved here as i was lonely and didnt know anyone. I just wanted someone to talk to.
Since then i have met my SO and got engaged, but my account is still active. He does know this however. I have a pen pal in America that i stay in contact with. Hes in the US airforce and our convesations are entirely innocent. However as i mentioned previously my FI does know i have this profile and he knows i talk to this guy every now and again and it isnt a problem.
Its possible your SO is not doing anything wrong,
Post # 16
I would ask him about it, but make sure you’re not accusing him of anything, especially since you said that it doesn’t look like he’s talked to anyone recently. You don’t want to assume anything is going on, but I would just bring it up. It would bother me if DH still had any kind of profile like that, so I would make a point to bring it up if I knew about it.