FI Has Changed Since We Moved!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh HELL no. That is not okay and you need to shut that down ASAP. Could he possibly be cheating? I have a FI who loves to stay out late but 24 hours? No. That is insane.

Post # 3
416 posts
Helper bee

This reminds me so much of my friend’s husband.

“You’re the one who wanted a baby”, “You’re the one who wanted a bigger place”, “You’re the one who wanted a new car” even though they make all these plans together. He’s a dick and none of us can stand to be around him. If it were me I would tell him to shape up or ship out. 

Post # 4
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Ummm… dude is completely checked out of your relationship. Like 100% checked out. All that time spent away from you, a complete lack of concern for your well being, his snide comments? Thgis all screams of him not wanting to be with you. Sorry, I know that hurts. But do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time on someone who wants nothing to do with you.

Post # 5
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ElayneRunner:  Obviously, you know you need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Since when is it ok for him to go out and stay out for 24 hrs? and then be a jerk when he is at home.

Id there any chance there is something else going on in his life? work related stress?

Whatever is causing this change of behavior, it’s time for him to share it.

Post # 6
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

ElayneRunner:  you need to have a serious talk with him about your concerns and expectations re: chores, attitude, and time spent together. He needs to know youre serious and that you will not go through with a marriage just to be treated like an annoying roomate, not a beloved.

If he doesnt get his head out of his ass I would end it. It will NOT get better after youve married and atleast you learned before you said I do!


Post # 8
2694 posts
Sugar bee

You don’t deserve to be treated like this. He needs to get his act together. Usually I’m not all “RED FLAG!!1!!!!1!!” but there’s so much wrong here. 

Post # 9
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Over my dead body would this be happening… You are being way too kind. I’d be having a talk with him and if he can’t get it together then pack your things and get out. You might be throwing away years but the longer you stay, the more you’re going to be throwing away when it ultimately blows up…and it will.


Really sorry you’re going through this. What a total dbag. 

Post # 10
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ElayneRunner:  First of all, eat dinner when you are hungry- don’t wait for his highness to honor you with his presence.

I do suggest however, that you don’t talk about it tonight. When he comes home, tell him you need to talk and ask him what day this week would work for him. Schedule the talk at an agreed upon time.

Post # 11
588 posts
Busy bee

Are you sure he has changed? Your post from three months ago makes him sound like a jerk already.

You guys need to sit down and really talk. He needs to tell you where he is going and where he is sleeping at night and why he is treating you this way. If he wants to cancel the wedding, so be it.

You also had two posts in the past ( & where you mentioned mistaken concerns that people had about him abusing you. Do you guys fight loudly/publicly so people would assume he hits you?

Post # 12
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010


This.  I would try talking to him, but keep my expectations in check.  It doesn’t sound as if he’s going to be willing to sit down, have an adult conversation & change his behavior.

I’d be thinking about dumping him while I still had a shred of self respect left, before he tears it all to pieces.

It does sound as if cheating is a real possibility.

I’m sorry.

Post # 13
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

For starters, I’d stop doing things like cooking his dinner until he shaped up. 

Also, he may be having a tough time with a personal matter or settling down and that’s why he’s acting this way – not an excuse, but no one is perfect when it comes to dealing or not dealing with their emotionS. It sounds like he needs some time apart from you.

let him know how you feel and what you’re planning to do about it.

Post # 14
2136 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

MOHlookingForIdeas:  I was thinking the same thing. All these posts put together make him sound like such an undesirable partner.

ElayneRunner:  You don’t deserve to be treated like this! I would personally start distancing myself from the situation, stay busy with other things until I could figure out what the heck was going on.

Post # 15
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m afraid that I agree with pps that your FI has basically checked out. From your previous threads he comes across as “challenging” to say the least and I really think you’d be happier out of this relationship. To be honest, he hasn’t really changed, as such, has he? Just changed tactics and is now making you miserable for a different set of reasons.

Going missing for 30 hours is simply not acceptable and I suspect he’s testing just how far he can go before you give him his marching orders. That way, when your relationship breaks up he doesn’t have to take any responsibility – it’ll all be your fault –  although in reality, it is precisely HIS behaviour that’s causing the problems! 

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