FI hasn't kissed me more than 3x in several years

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@anonybee726:  I have a childish option and a mature option. 

withhold things that you normall do that he loves. when he asks why, tell him it’s because you don’t have to any more. at some point he will realise what a massive douche he is being by refusing to do something you love. 

or you could be mature and go to counselling, but honestly if you’ve cried and begged him to do it, it might be time to show him him how nasty it is to intentionally do something that hurts your spouse. 

Post # 4
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Just because you don’t have to do something, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it. Sorry OP, but it sounds to me like your FI is the childish one. I think ms-valentine has given good advice – on the one hand show him how it feels to have something you like withheld for no good (explained) reason and on the other hand take him to counselling to find out why he doesn’t want to do it. 

 

Does he express affection in other ways? Holding your hand or stroking your hair maybe?

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Yeah, to me it sounds like he means ‘I don’t need to kiss you because we have sex even when I don’t’ (you said you used to start sex with kissing).

Personally, next time he went to initiate I’d say ‘If you want sex, I want to kiss’ and if he still wouldn’t, too bad- he misses out.

Might not be the mature thing to do, but really, if he won’t even peck you on the lips because he ‘doesn’t have to anymore’ even though he knows how important it is to you, I’d say maturity has pretty much gone out the window. Time to give him a taste of his own medicine IMO.

Post # 6
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My sister says that kissing is only exciting if you get paid extra for it.  It’s a joke.  But it applies.  He doesn’t have to pay extra for it. If someone you love is unwilling to compromise on something that important than you need to look at the big picture.  Marriage is a partnership. Which emplies equality not gratutity.  He shouldn’t have to pay for sex and you shouldn’t have to earn a kiss. Partners have to be realistic withe eachother about expectations.  Either you will have to make peace with no kissing, truly peaceful, he will have to make peace with kissing or you both need to look at your relationship. Marriage is work and it does change some things.  

Post # 7
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonybee726:  My ex was like this but he had severe intimacy issues. Treated women like objects, only liked sex from behind (preferred to stare at the back of a woman’s head – less intimate) and a whole lot of other weird habits. I’m pretty sure he gave me the exact same line about kissing. Maybe he has an intimacy issue?

Post # 8
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

My FH read this and said, “He doesn’t love her anymore. Or else he isn’t attracted to her.” Obviously he doesn’t know you, your FH, or your relationship, but that’s one man’s blunt and honest opinion. 

I can’t imagine not kissing my FH for years. He doesn’t particularly care for kissing either, but does it because he knows I like it. 

I think you two need to see a couple’s counselor to find out exactly what the bigger issue is. 

Post # 9
Member
3112 posts
Sugar bee

@anonybee726:  This does not sound healthy imo.  I would seek counseling maybe?

Post # 10
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds to me like there is something more going on than he’s willing to admit..

Post # 11
Member
562 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I can’t imagine how that must make you feel. I am very sorry OP. Not kissing in that long would absolutely kill me. I would ask him to go with you to some counseling sessions, or maybe just to talk to a pastor (if you have one), or a mature older mutual friend. You have to ask yourself if you can stand never kissing him again, or if the time has come to stand your ground. There is definitely a deeper meaning behind his (lack of) actions that needs to be discovered and addressed

Post # 12
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think I would ask him to do it more and if that doesn’t happen, I would try going to a couple’s counselor or a sex therapist to see if you can get to the root of the problem.

Post # 13
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It may be a psychological or sensory  thing for him.  Is he OCD or does he have a germ phobia? 

Post # 14
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Missy_Star:  I thought this too. I have no idea what it could be, but kissing is so innocuous, even if he didn’t think to kiss her by himself, her saying she wanted him to do it… the reaction should be “oh… I kind of forgot. I’ll try to up the frequency.” Even if he’s just not a kissy guy, it’s not like something that takes a lot of time or effort. Why not just do it to please your partner?

Post # 15
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I just want to say that you absolutely do not have to stay with a man who refuses to love you in a way that you want/need to be loved. Don’t subject yourself to a lifetime of hurting because your FI won’t kiss you. I know that there is a man out there who will kiss you as much as you want to be kissed.

 

 

 

Find out if something else is going on BEFORE you are married to him. 

 

Post # 16
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If my FI did not kiss me after I had told him how much it bothers me I would seek counseling and hold off on wedding planning.  There must be something else going on. I’m sorry OP 🙁

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