(Closed) FI hurt my feelings..not feeling like I’m a priority. Anyone else feel this way?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you two should schedule some down time together, no xbox, no social visits, phones off. You both soon like you need to reconnect. What about a nice dinner and a board game or just cuddle up and watch a movie together? My Darling Husband works a lot, and sometimes I get annoyed when he makes time for his friends and I feel at the bottom of the list, but I also try to remember that he needs to blow off steam. He can do that in a different way with his buddies than he can with me. I’ve also found that for Darling Husband, “quality time” to him seems to mean that we’re in the same room together, even if we’re not interacting. Like right now, we’re each on laptops on the same couch. I wouldn’t call that meaningful quality time, but to him, it counts, lol! Guys just think of things a little differently some times. Just try to carve out some time just for you guys and you’ll get back on track 🙂

Post # 4
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry i am going to be the devils advocate.  Stay home and clean the apartment with you…play hockey with the boys.  I dont see any issue.  He needed to get out of the apt and relax and thats fine.  

My SO went away to his hunt camp this weekend. While we have been very busy lately i didnt mind.  I get alone time with our puppy and to get some house work done.  He will text me.  He will be home tomorrow.  I’m not concerned with it.

Maybe ask him to set up a date night this week to look forward to? 

I know you’re feeling hurt but maybe this is a perfect opportunity to do some things you like to do that he doesnt or see your own friends?

Post # 5
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t be complaining about the spending time issue because guys do see that differently and they do need their ‘let off steam’ time.  My issue I have is, if the house needs to be cleaned, he needs to set his priorities with the house and with me before he commits to his buddies or some other ‘leisure activity’.  I would be fine if he hung out with his buddies because I like my alone time, but I want him to have his priorities straight and everything in order before he leaves me to pick up the slack for him.  It’s not my job to clean our house while he’s out enjoying himself.  And I agree that ‘our time’ doesn’t count if he’s sitting on a computer (thankfully he doesn’t play games or I really never would see him).

Post # 7
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

Don’t clean the whole apartment while he plays hockey. You’re not his mom- he has to be an adult and take care of his own space.

If I were you I’d do my half of the work and then go out to coffee with friends or spend time on my own hobbies. Yes, he has the right to alone time but so do you!

Post # 8
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My Fiance and I have this discussion all the time!!!! I work 6 days a week and go to university. He works 35 hours a week. On his days off he gets to sit around, play xbox and relax cause he deserves to relax on his days off. On my day off, I get to clean the house and go grocery shopping! If our days off dont jive then I do all the cleaning. If he is off Saturday he helps…… somehow this does not work for me…..

Post # 9
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@abluebride: Totally.  And tomorrow football is on so (and we’ll have our bonding time while he sits on the couch and I glare at the mess I’m sitting in), then it’s Monday, but oh wait, he’s working.  Then it’s next weekend, but you or he have plans.  Then it’s the next weekend.  Believe me, I don’t buy the ‘do it tomorrow’ excuse anymore.  3 weeks ago I put 10 30 gallon boxes of junk in the middle of the living room.  He hasn’t looked in any of them since he moved into his place in 2002.  They are all still sitting there -in the middle of the living room.  I didn’t want to toss it because some of it might have sentimental value to him.  He has until Monday and I don’t care what is in there, I’m going to the dumpster (which will irritate me more because I have to drag them all down 3 flights of stairs, to my car, and then drive to the dump -multiple times since they all won’t fit in my car in one trip).  There is always another tomorrow.  I know how that game works.  I play it with my workouts.

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