Post # 1
Some background: the girl (we will call her G) was my friend in high school/college. It was a love/hate relationship where we would go through times of always together to not seeing/speaking for months. Post college G had a falling out with my best friend so friendship was difficult but I had known G for so long, and we had fun together, etc. so I maintained the frienship.
G got married in 09, I was a BM. After the dress purchased, bridal shower (split with bridal party) and bachlorette party (again split with BP), G un-bridesmaids me. I was not upset about it (just about all the $ I had spent). Whatever, I went to her wedding.
Fast forward 7 months and her marriage is now a divorce. She moved so we basically don’t see each other/talk.
FI and I met through G. She worked at the same place as FI, I was at a work party of theirs as G’s “date”
FI is friends with G’s ex-H, they talk pretty often. Ex-H has said he will not go to our wedding if G is there. Based on G’s personality, and that we are inviting other people that she knows, etc. I am sure she will come to the wedding. Also the best friend is a BM in my wedding and I know the BM would rather G not be there either.
So FI tells me yesterday that he just straight up does not even want to invite G, because he would rather ex-H is there. But we already sent the STD to her a while ago.
Post # 3
Just don’t send her an invite when the time comes. If she ever brings it up just say due to budget constraits or space issues you guys had to scale the invite list back.
After a divorce so soon after her own wedding she probably wouldn’t even enjoy going to one.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
This is a tough one– more than likely (assuming she notices) this will definitely hurt her feelings. But if you guys don’t talk anyway, it might be worth the risk– especially since so many other people who you ARE close to feel so strongly about the issue.
If/when she ever brought it up, I wouldn’t lie though– tell her the truth; her ex wasn’t comfortable with her being there, and since she lives far away and you guys haven’t talked for a while, your FI felt more comfortable inviting his friend that he’s close to.
Post # 5
I totally agree withjolie0019. Its about having people at your wedding that are special to you and your FI. It obviously means more to your FI to have the ex-h there than her. I’m sorry to say it but she doesn’t seem like a good friend to bump you from her wedding party after all you did. Not worth the fight with FI. Don’t sent the invite to her.
Post # 6
Just out of curiosity, why did she un-BM you?
As to the invitation, it sounds like there are more reasons NOT to invite her, rather than invite her. If you feel you can talk with her, and have her be reasonable, I would call and let her know that you’re no longer going to be able to extend an invitation. Shoot, if she was willing to un-BM you, it’s not totally unreasonable for you to not invite her!
If she’s the angry/confrontational type, I would just not send the invitation and leave it at that. No reason to call her and get yelled at!
Post # 7
@MrsTahoe: Without making this too long, we were growing apart. I was not excited about the wedding because I knew she cheated on her FI at the time (I was not that great of friends with him and this was before me and my FI were together so I did not tell him).
We went to lunch one day and were talking about the wedding and she said something about the “day after brunch” which I had never heard of before and we got into it. She actually did not un-BM then, she TEXTED me later that day and did it!
As cowardly as it sounds, I think I am just not going to send the invite and cross the bridge if I need to as far as telling her why
Post # 8
@BrookieCookie9: I don’t think it’s cowardly. Some people just do not make confrontation easy or comfortable, so why stress yourself out over it?
And if she does end up asking you… send her a text! 😉
Post # 9
I have a similar situation with an aunt and uncle who are now divorced and don’t get along. I say invite everyone and allow them the opportunity to be adults. If they can’t be adults, then they don’t have to come.