Post # 1
..My FI just called me a “gold digger” because I told him it is ridiculous to take a job with a 50% pay cut. I am sorry but what fiancee would be happy to hear that?? Am I crazy?? Am I supposed to be ok with this?? I want to support him in his career but that is a HUGE pay cut and furthermore he has been trying to dissuade me from going back to school to further my career. What the heck is going on!?
Post # 3
Is it a job that he really is interested in? Does he want to change careers? Would it be possible for you to make some sacrifices if that were the case?
Edit: sometimes I like to post before I actually finish my thought. Why does he not want you to go back to school to further your career? This sounds like a red flag, especially with him wanting to take a 50% pay cut. What problems does he have with it?
Post # 4
A 50% pay cut IS a lot. That is a legitimate thing to be sad/worried about…and he shoudl be more supportive of it.
However, the fact that he doesn’t want you to further your career is a little upsetting. Is he saying that right now is not a good time because of your current financial situation, or does he not ever want you to go back?
Post # 5
WHOA there’s a lot in this post. He doesn’t want you to go back to school? I could understand if the career move with the 50% pay cut was if he thought he was going to be laid off, if it would further his career a ton or if he would get great exposure to possible other new jobs, but it doesn’t sound like this is the case. As far as school goes… girl think twice before you marry him. My FI is pushing me to go back to school to accomplish my dreams as soon as I want, and he’s paying for it, too–not that I’d ever ask him to, but because he says we’re here to support each other’s dreams.
Post # 6
What are his reasons for wanting to change jobs? Money certainly isn’t everything, despite being important, and if he’s miserable in what he’s doing now but would really enjoy the other job… I can see it being a good fit!
It sounds like you and your FI aren’t seeing eye to eye right now, which could lead to a lot of hurting for one or both of you ~ can you sit down and talk about WHY you are both feeling the way you are, why your FI wants to change jobs, and why you want to go back to school?
Post # 7
He just want to do a different job that he likes better. While that is fine and dandy, how the hell is he going to take a 50% pay cut and at the same time discourage me from going back to school to do what I want to do. This is a real sore spot in our relationship and has caused many, many arguments. I want to go to law school and he thinks it is too expensive and not worth it. He constantly tells me that he doesn’t think I would like be a lawyer and that it will be too difficult to have a career as an attorney and raise a family. Obviously I disagree with him. He is really stubborn and since this isn’t something I am willing to give up – it results in constant arguing.
@ KMSull – I guess we could make some sacrifices but I am worried that if he takes this huge pay cut the next thing he will say is, “Sorry – we need your salary. You can’t afford to go back to school right now”
Help..I love him but there is no negotiating with him.
Post # 8
I think you need to sit down and tell him that you going back to school is a priority for you and that he needs to support that the best he can, because it sounds like it is super important to you. Until you reach a compromise, I’d hold off on wedding planning. This seems like it’s a bigger issue than just taking a pay cut/ you going back to school.
Post # 9
I think him telling you that you won’t make a good lawyer is really really crappy. I would definitely talk to him or seek couple’s counseling because that’s not good at all. And raising a family shouldn’t be on your shoulders alone. This may be insensitive to say, but love isn’t the only thing that makes a relationship/marriage work. If he’s not supportive of what you want, I would seriously reconsider marrying him.
And from a law student perspective, I try to discourage people from going to law school. The US is wayyyy over-saturated with lawyers right now, and people at the top law schools are struggling to get jobs, so unless you end up going to a top 10 school and being in the top quarter of your class, then it’s probably not worth it. It’s really expensive and unless you go into BigLaw where you work 80 hours a week and make $160k, then you’ll just be making between $60-80k. Being a lawyer isn’t what people think it is. It takes a long time to get established so starting off it’s really hard to pay back the debt. That’s just my two cents on law school, but if you know that’s what you want to do, then go for it.
Post # 10
Don’t let a man dictate your career. You risk being dependent and helpless. And it’s waay out of line to call you names.