Post # 1
Okay so as most of you know, FI and I just moved across the country. We now live in CA and all our friends family live in PA/NY/NJ/DC.
Before we moved, FI was asked to be a groomsman in a friend’s wedding. This is the first time he was ever asked to be in a wedding and of course, he said yes. (Just a side note that we were putting together our prelim guest list and we actually had this couple as a "maybe" cause we lost touch with them … now they are bummed up to definites, no biggie though). We haven’t got a lot of information about the wedding itself yet, specifically no information about tuxes, when we need to be there, etc.
Now the problem is that FI’s new job really is sort of unpredictable (more so than he imagined). The management will give them literally a few days notice before they are sent out of town or have special training. He may actually have to cancel a trip in August because he just found out he may need to do training the day he is supposed to come back. We need to figure out flights which are really expensive for the area we are going and are at the oddest times, plus hotels, plus his tux and a dress for me (I don’t have anything formal enough… I don’t think) and we may risk losing all this $ if his work schedule changes. Last night he threw out the thought that maybe he should tell the groom he doesn’t think it will work.
Our foremost concern is being sure that we aren’t in a situation where he may have to let them down with only days to spare. The wedding is not until October and no official steps have been made regarding his involvement (tux, rehearsal, programs, etc). We really would LOVE to be there, but it may just be too much of a hassle (not just for us but for the couple). I told FI that as a bride, I’d rather know NOW then risk knowing the week of (or day before) our wedding.
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
As long as you are upfront with your friends, they will understand. And definitely better to let them know now rather than right before the wedding! No one wants their wedding to be a cause of undue stress (emotional or financial!) on others, and if you let the couple know the situation, they can make the decision whether to move forward with your FI’s inclusion in the wedding party or not. As long as you are honest with them, and make sure they know that your FI will not be offended if they want to replace him in the wedding party, I’m sure they’ll understand.
Post # 5
I also think it’s a good idea to just tell them. If your FI explains his situation with work and everything, they’d probably also much rather just have him step down than risk not being able to attend at the last minute. I’m sure your friends will understand – I’d really rather know sooner than later if it were me!
Post # 6
I completely agree with everyone else. Just have your FI call them up and explain the situation. Make sure he says he’d love to still be invited, and hopes that his work schedule will allow him to attend, but with everyone so uncertain, he wanted to prevent any last-minute interuptions and graciously bow out before it was too late.
If the bride and groom are good people, they’ll completely understand. I know I would.
Post # 7
I agree with everyone else and say to call your friends and explain the situation. Hopefully they will understand! Me personally, Id rather know sooner rather than later, especially before the programs are printed.
Post # 8
I have to agree. It sounds like a bit of a bummer for your FI. I think he’d like to do it. Unless he can go to his boss, and specifically ask not to be scheduled for something that weekend, I don’t think he has the option to just wait it out and take his chances.