FI is making me want to die.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel like I didn’t even need to read your post, the title says it all. Whatever the reason, whatever your stance on porn, if your FI is making you feel that horrible, something is seriously wrong. Have you asked him to go to therapy with you?

Post # 4
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you are serious about wanting to die, please seek help.

Whatever someone’s stance on porn, it’s obviously a problem if it replaces a healthy sex life. He needs to realize that and to want help for himself. You can’t make someone realize they have a problem. I would insist on couples counseling if the relationship were to continue.

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@whyanon:  make it clear that he needs to follow through this time, that anything else is unacceptable

Post # 7
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you guys should seek out counseling both individually and as a couple.

Post # 9
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I second the therapy. Whatever your stance on porn is, if it’s effecting your sex life then it’s a problem. You’ve made your boundaries very clear to him on the porn subject and he broke those. Also he knew that it was a chat line. Please don’t tell yourself he didn’t He knew what he was doing. BIG HUGS OP! If he doesn’t want to do counseling then you have two options, suck the porn addiction up or leave.

Post # 10
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@whyanon:  I have no problem with porn, but as you stated, that’s not even the real problem. The problem is that he’s lying and disrespecting your views.  The fact that he “makes you want to die” is a MAJOR red flag.  I’m so sorry, but it sounds like your mental and physical health hang in the balance here and no man is worth that, especially one that doesn’t care enough to tell you the truth.

Post # 11
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@whyanon:  I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong” view when it comes to porn, however I do believe that you and your partner’s views need to be aligned.  Someone that is morally against porn cannot be with someone that enjoys/is ok with porn; it will cause resentment, suspicion, and promote lying/snooping.

Post # 13
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@whyanon:  Don’t think about suicide over a man. Your life is so much more special then that.

Post # 14
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@whyanon:  dying is permanent solution to a temporary problem. Remember that. Your LIFE is worth more than this relationship. 

It sounds like he has an obvious addiction. Counseling is the best option 

 

Post # 15
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Please speak to someone immediately if you truly feel like you want to die. Call a friend, call your doctor, call an anonymous suicide hotline, anything. 

You guys should definitely look into couples counseling and there is such a thing as a porn addiction (as in, there are chemical changes in the brain. It can get to the point that it’s like a drug addiction. The addict cannot just stop watching). He may need individual therapy to get over this. 

Post # 16
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The best advice I can give you is to really think about if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.  Therapy or not, porn or not, taking the “feelings” out of it……when you look at the future, do you like the picture you see when he’s in it?  Do you even see him in it?  My mom always told me that men are the best they are ever going to be when you’re dating them.  (I know it’s a mom statement, but it is true.) 

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