Post # 1
My FI has always been concerned about our budget. We committed to a number and I have done 95% of the planning. To be completely honest, I will definitely end up paying way more than him. He is a great guy and is super helpful and really good at projects when I can get his attention but if it’s something he feels isn’t important, or we can do later, or he’s running out of money, it may not happen.
Since we are paying for everything ourselves and it’s been a little tiring, I’ve always thought that a honeymoon is a must-have, even if it’s just a few days away after the wedding. I love the beach so since we would already be on the east coast, I started looking at cheap Carribean. FI got in on the search and found some places but when we added up the cost, it was super expensive esp. when you tack on getting back to our home (LA). Originally we had toyed with the idea of taking a road trip in New England so instead I booked our car rental and flight five days after the wedding. He knows this as he booked the flight.
It’s 41 days before the wedding and I don’t have a clue if we are going away. He can be surprise me person but not usually with big things. At this point, unless he says “I am definitely planning it and it is a surprise” it stresses me out because many things on his list I ended up doing. I asked him again a few days ago and he said “maybe I am” which means he’s not forgetting about it and is working on it but he’s slacking and will end up blowing more money for waiting.
I know I can and should bring it up again but I am a little sour about dumping our tropical trip (that was his idea and he was a little too honest about his feelings about it) and I know I won’t get anymore out of him because I can guarantee that nothing is booked yet.
Post # 3
Well, there has to be SOMETHING planned unless you guys are just going to stay with your parents for 5 days after the wedding… Maybe try asking him what type of activities he’s planning because you need to know what shoes to bring or something like that? Maybe just try to drop little hints or something. It’s a sticky situation.
I will say try not to be too sour about the tropical honeymoon. I really wanted to go to a nice tropical beach, but in the end I realized it was a little selfish– Mr. Joe can’t even swim! While he never complained when I was suggesting some beaches, I decided against it. We ended up having a honeymoon in New Orleans that we BOTH enjoyed! The honeymoon is for both of you, and if he didn’t like the idea of it, then what kind of honeymoon is it if one person isn’t happy? heh
anyway, good luck getting him to get the plans rolling!
Post # 4
I had the same problem with my FH. I finally just had to ask so that I did not drive my self crazy and could stop getting so sick about it. I did not hear exactly what I wanted to hear, but it was an answer and we could get to a solution. In the end he called his grandma for some advice and got it done. He then saw how important it was to me and made it happen.
P.S. it was not my fantasy beach carribean honeymoon…we live by the beach anways, and he cannot swim either…..AND…….we ended up in New Orleans too. we stayed iin a private condo place and got the best of both worlds.
Post # 5
I have the same problem. My wedding is the day before yours and my fiance has not booked our honymoon yet – his ONE job for the wedding planning. We don’t even have a flight off of Hawaii yet because I don’t know when we are leaving!
I know you are bummed about not going somewhere tropical but if it makes you feel any better, New England is gorgeous in October. The foliage will all be happening and you can go apple picking and hiking.
Try not too stress (I know, easier said than done – I am stressing too). Worst comes to worse you can always just rent a car and buy a guidebook and start driving and find little bed and breakfasts as you go.
Post # 6
I see two options…being sneaky and asking without really asking, like in the example that Joeswifey gave you about the shoes, or just coming out with straight up and honest and asking him. Maybe he doesn’t realize how important it is for you to KNOW that this has been taken care of? Putting it out in the open like that might help…at least it would let you know where things stood.
Post # 7
If I was to rely on my FI to plan our honeymoon, there would be no honeymoon or we would pay through the nose because of last minute bookings. I think since you say you planned 95% of the wedding, history is sure to repeat itself. I would have a frank talk about how his planning is going. Not accusatory, just very calm and pleasant. Then I would start planning asap. You live in LA, what about Cabo? it’s pretty reasonable. Maybe drive up the coast to Santa Barbara or Monterrey- both very romantic with lots to do.
Post # 8
thanks everyone. really a huge thanks.
like JoeysWife & sarahlynne my FI is not a tropical person. Not even water friendly. I am a little sad but if it meant that he wouldn’t be happy I quickly understood that certainly wouldn’t be a honeymoon!
I already booked our flight (yes five days with my mother would NOT be okay, for her or for us 🙂 and car so New England it is and it’s where I am from so I am totally excited about it. It’s just knowing if he’s planning something. I’ve had the heart to heart with him and hinted around with the “what to pack”. I think I will have my MOH call him as they’ve been friends for years (they introduced us) and she’s really good at this stuff.
I’ll keep you posted. THANK YOU!
Post # 9
We haven’t talked about this since we’re not officially engaged, but I get the feeling that unless I do it, the honeymoon will consist of a Motel 6 in Pensecola Beach. He wouldn’t MEAN to not pay attention, but I tend to be better with those kind of details. Maybe nicely bring it up to ask if he needs any help with it?
Post # 10
Okay hive this is what I did. I am pretty straightforward and he responds to directness. I try to focus on the saving money part of it.
I basically said “listen: I am happy with whatever we plan for the honeymoon but now you hinted at surprising me which is very exciting. All I need to know is that you are taking care of it and that you have time to plan.” I may have mentioned that staying with my mother would not be okay with her, or us, but it all seemed to do the trick. He promised that he is planning, has some places picked out, and we will not be honeymooning at my mother’s.
Here’s for hoping!