- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I haven’t been on the bee lately, but I almost posted about this several times this week and now I just have to get it out before I explode. This is so long, if you dont want to read it all, the last 3 or 4 paragraphs are where you’ll find issues.
LAst night was our Jack and Jill, and while I managed to squeeze some fun out of it, it was kinda terrible. Now I’m not from the area that we currently live and when we got engaged my FMIL was all excited to have a Jack and Jill party. I had never heard of it before but FI explained to me that it was a tradition in his family and a very common practice in the area, and replaced the bridal shower with a party that everyone could attend. Its considered a fundraising event for the wedding. I was a little bummed about not getting a traditional bridal shower, but I had a great time at his cousins J and J, so I conceded and his mom said she was going to organize the event. I talked to some of the girls at my work and they told me that these events usually raise between $2000-$5000 for the couples wedding and most couples choose to to this instead of the traditional shower since it gives everyone a chance to get together and have fun. Ok then. Sounds good, I’m sold.
Just a little about our situation- As far as family goes, I’m alone here. My parents live about a 6 hour drive away and I have very few extended family, who live even farther away. FI and I moved here after I was hired out of school to work at a brand new office. Most of his (very large) family and extended family lives in the area. I have made an enormous effort as far as his family goes. I visit with them as often as my work schedule allows, and I always make myself available if they need anything.
So a lot of small things went into this not going very well- starting with the location. We live in a fairly rural area. FI and I live in the ‘big city’ (pop 40, 000) and most of FI family live in a small town about 10-20 mins away. FMIL suggested we hold the J and J at a fire hall on the outskirts of their town (opposite end of the town to where we live- we have to drive from the city all the way through the town to get there), about a 30 minute drive from our house. This is where a lot of the local drunks hang out, and then drive the back roads intoxicated. She wanted this hall because it is offered free of cost for events as they make a lot off the cash bar. All our friends live the city, and there is a new hall on the edge of the city closest to their town, about a 10 minute drive from where most of them live. I work with the daughter of the person who runs the hall so we were able to get it for a fraction of the usual cost. FI and I offered to pay the fee at this hall so we could have the J and J at a location that would be more convenient for everyone. That was fine by her, so we secured the hall. This was in May, and I immediately made a facebook event so that everyone would know when and where with plenty of notice, as summertime is quite busy and I wanted to make sure people would be able to make it. I updated the event as things became more organized, keeping people up to date.
Well about a month ago FMIL seemed to be getting very unmotivated as far as organizing the event goes. This was really stressing me out as I really dont know much about these kinds of parties. I started rounding up door prizes (as thank-yous for our guests, we draw prizes at the end of the night) and gathering decorations. 2 weeks ago she still hadn’t organzied food and I was freaking out, so FI talked to her and got her moving. She got the food and the rest of the deco’s, and started reminding FIs family about the event. I had been getting positive feedback from my own family and friends about making the trip for the event up until a week ago. I had initially been really pumped about the J and J, I had about 20 OOT friends that had confirmed that they were coming, and several had made arrangments to stay with us. I found local accomodations to whatever the preference was for the rest of the OOT guests (hotels, camping, friends places etc) and sent them the info. Work friends were on board ( about 15 people) and FI was inviting people from his work, school and extra-curricular activitities.
Well, tuesday things started going to sh*t. I got 5 emails on tuesday from OOT guests saying they made other plans for the weekend and weren’t going to make it. Work friends who had said last week that they were 100% coming decided they weren’t coming. I was getting on average 5 facebook msgs, texts emails ect a day from people saying they had made other plans every day this past week. I was getting a bit concerned, I called FMIL to see how things were on her end, and she tells me that FI’s family doesn;t want to come because it’s to far the travel. WTF!? Now I’m getting mad. It’s a 10 minute drive, I’m out there at least once a week for baby showers, wedding showers etc with food and a helping hand. My parents aren’t able to make it to the event because they have a wedding to attend on the other side of the country, my friends from back home are all bailing on me and now FI’s family has decided that since they cant organize themselves enough to carpool and it’s ‘to expensive’ to take a cab, and apparently no one is willing to DD, no one is going to come. It;s not worth it to them to come if they cant get loaded. My MOH, her FI and one of my BM made the 5 hour drive to attend (the only ones from my invitee list to come BTW) and it’s not worth their (FI’s Families) while to come to our J and J if they cant get loaded.
Well, my 3 friends showed up on friday and were wonderful. They helped us take care of all the last-minute details, decorating, picking up food, setting up sound equipment etc. I voiced my concerns about how this was all shaping up and they were eternally positive. My MOH has always been their for me and this was no exception. I still had my reservations heading to the hall last night, but I was happy to have my ladies here to visit.
The hall probably accomadated 200+ people, I think at the busiest time we had 40 people there. 3 people from my work came and left. A few of FI’s older family members came early on and left. He had about 20 friends from work and school that came. FI’s brother showed up already drunk at the begining of the night with his wife and proceeded to get SUPER drunk and was belligerent by the end of the evening. After I had greeted and thanked all the guests that came, I asked my BM to dance with me a bit. I had made the playlist so at least I liked the music. MOH was amazing and worked the door the whole night, making sure those that came had their name in for the prizes and signed the guest book. FFIL took over near the end of the night and she danced with us for a bit. At the most their were 8 people dancing. BM, MOH and I, as well as FMIL and FSIL (who came with FI’s drunk brother) were in and out of the kitchen all night keeping the food organized. MOH BM and I left our purses there. At the end of the night, MOH offered to drive us home since she only had 1 drink all night. We packed up the car and MOH went into her purse for something and noticed her wallet was missing. We went back into the hall and checked the kitchen and the floors, nothing. I asked if she left it in the bathroom maybe? She said she hadn’t been drinking so she hadn’t used the bathroom. Just as she saying this one of the hall workers come over to us with her wallet says ‘ here it is! I found it on the back of the toilet in the third stall of the ladies room”. Her cards are all there, her cash is gone. Wow. The night wasn;t going so great before and now MOH has been robbed and we are pretty sure it was my FSIL. Ever the optimist MOH just says that she’s just happy to have foudn her wallet and still have all her cards. I’m about to start bawling at this point. We go home and open the few cards they we got. I give MOH money to replace what was stolen.
FI is so angry and hurt over then whole event, I dont think he slept last night. He wants to cancel the wedding and elope, move away and disown his whole family. While were pretty sure FSIL is the one who took the $$ (MOH could see into the kitchen from her spot at the door and saw FSIL handling her purse at one point) I asked FI not to mention names to his mother. Low and behold, as soon as he mentioned the incident she says “OMG i hope FSIL didn’t take it!” Fantastic. Her husband (FI brother) is in our bridal party too.
Sorry this was so long, I needed to get that all out there. What a sh*t show. I’m not even sure what to do or say at this point. The lack of fundraising at this event pales in comparison to the complete lack of support from the majority of FI’s family and so many of my friends. The fact that MOH was robbed by a future family member… I’m still trying to wrap my head around.