Post # 1
Just a little vent about my week so far. My Fiance has a step-son( son of his ex wife) that he still considers his own son since he has been in his life since he was 2. He is now 16 and my Fiance goes over and beyond to make an effort to continue to have a father/son relationship with him. However, I’ve noticed that the relationship is kind of one sided. Everytime my FI makes an attempt to bond with this step-son there is always a reason why he cant make it or see him unless he is benefiting from it (shopping, amusement parks, ect.) I chalked it up as him being the average teen (not wanting to hang with your parent) attitude.
Fast forward, my daughter (15) mentioned that one day they were talking about our families uniting and how excited she was and the SS mentioned that he could care less about any of it b/c he has his own real father and family. I was devasted when she told me this knowing how much my Fiance loves this boy.
*** I swear im almost done. Please bare with me******
So when we started planning our wedding one of the only things he wanted we just our kids to be in the wedding. My daughter as my Maid/Matron of Honor and his SS as his Best Man. We took him out and got his suit, shoes, shirt. ect for the wedding and everything seemed like it was on track.
On Sunday my Fiance received a call from his ex stating that the SS cannot be included in the wedding (3 wks before) b/c she and his aunt are throwing all of the cousins a huge birthday party on that day (his birthday isnt until late July). My Fiance explained to his SS how much he wanted him to be apart of our wedding and it wasnt just about us 2 but about our entire family and that he is family. His SS told him that he still wanted to have the party. My Fiance is so hurt b/c even though we both know that his ex did that to be spiteful he was hoping that he would still want to be apart of our event. I know he is a child but I cant help but wonder if he is not intrested due to what he told my daughter?
No input is needed thanks to all who read this…………
Post # 3
Oh, i am so sorry…that boy is incredibly lucky to have so much love around him..i have a stepson and he has a brother my Fiance brought up since he was 4 years old. He’s coming to the wedding and we even considered asking him to be FI’s bestman. We’re almost the only family he has got..a very sad story. Fiance would be devastated if that happened to him..
Post # 4
My Mom pulls stunts like that on my Dad now that they’re divorced. Its like you said; out of spite. When my Dad does something to peeve my Mom she’ll encourage the kids to want to stay home and protest about their scheduled time with him or flat our refuse to let them go with him, and it hurts to have her use his own children as leverage…and thats not nearly as huge as missing a wedding! I do feel really bad for your Fiance :/
It could be partly because of his step-sons disinterest, but as a teen he should still have his parents encouraging him to be a part of each others lives, not discouraging it.
Its nice that your Fiance has you there for support. If his ex is the kind of lady that can be reasoned with when she’s calmed down or whatever, and is still rational, maybe one of you could talk her into rearranging their other engagement for that date. If not, it’ll be okay. Its neither of your fault that plans got messed up like that… and its definitely not because your Fiance didn’t try hard enough to have a relationship with his Son!
Good luck (:
Post # 5
@soon2bnixon: it’s unfortunate but he is a teen and as you know, teens have a mind of their own. i understand that this boy has been apart of your fi’s life for a long time and considers him a son but has he thought of how this is affecting the teen?
you need to think like a teen. i have a feeling that this teen is being protective of his mother. i’m not saying his mother is instigating this behaviour but perhaps this boy feels like your fi has betrayed his mother by marrying you. your fi is no longer apart of his family unit. his step-dad is going to have a new wife and new step child. he is going to have many feelings about this, especially those of abandonment. i know that your fi is still in the picture and makes an effort but we are still thinking like an irrational teen here.
all you fi can do is try. let the stepson know that fi is there for him, how much it means to be apart of his life and he in your fi’s new life and family but don’t force him. i hope it works out but i would have a backup plan for the bestman. teens are often unpreditable.
Post # 6
That is really unfortunate. I hope your fiancé doesn’t take this too hard.
Post # 7
Oh wow. I’m soo sorry, I can’t imagine how that feels. His SS is a real piece of work to do that, its not being a teenager its being a tool.
Post # 8
I’m sorry to hear that =( that kid is incredibly lucky to have a man like your future husband in his life. I wish I had advice. I hate that when people get a divorce it becomes a game of who can hurt who more. =( His ex-wife is just being spiteful. *hugs to you and your fiance* I wish I had something more encouraging to say. Just let your man know he is a stand-up guy.
Post # 9
I understand that you need to vent but the “No input is needed thanks to all who read this” is something I’m going to ignore. Sometimes it is good to get input from someone who has been through this as a child. My father remarried when I was around 10 and my mother has been remarried multiple times. I was always against their marriages and for good reason for some of my mother’s choices. I know it sounds bad but it is really difficult to adjust to someone no matter how amazing they are. It sounds like your Fiance is really making an effort but it is going to take time for the children invovled to come around. I know that after 15 years of marriage to my Father I still find myself navigating my way in my relationship with my step mother. Blending families is very difficult and complicated. I hope after the wedding things get better.
Post # 10
@Miss T-Rex: I agree. 16 is old enough to know better.