Post # 1
My parents and I have been trying hard to figure out what is reasonable as far as weddings go. I am an only child and my parents didn’t have a wedding so we are pretty naive about the whole thing. Anyway, we have found a cater that we all LOVE and he said that he charges about $50 a head. My parents and I both thing that this is reasonable, and since my parents are paying for it I kind of let them decide what is and what is not reasonable. However, my Fiance has decided that this is too much. He wants the wedding to only cost about $5,000. My parents and I were thinking twice, if not three times that. I would try and respect my FI’s opinion if he was paying for any of this, but he is not. I don’t understand why he is upset about the cost of the wedding when my parents are more than willing to pay for it.. can anyone give me some perspective so that I can understand why he is trying to tell my parents to spend less?
Post # 3
I’m not sure what the average is where you live, but I got married in Baltimore and I only paid I $30 a plate.
Now, what does the $50 include? Is that with the venue?
Post # 4
Does your Fiance think your parents will give you the difference? Does he give a reason for wanting to only spend that much? Does he think it will be too fancy? Without knowing his reasons, only he can give you the perspective you need.
Post # 5
Maybe he just doesn’t feel that it’s a reasonable use of money? Not saying that it’s not, of course, just trying to envision what his concerns might be. Maybe he doesn’t want to feel beholden to your parents?
Either way – whether he’s contributing or not – his opinions should be taken into account, just as (I hope) yours would be if his parents were paying for the lion’s share.
Hopefully a conversation with your Fiance will yield some kind of compromise. Best of luck!
Post # 6
My Fiance grew up poor and he has always been very frugal with money. He also thinks it is outrageous that my parents are spending what they are on the wedding. I told him they really want to do this for us, and would be offended if we asked them to spend loess (unless that is what we wanted, of course). Does Fiance know that you want the caterer too? Have you discussed what kind of wedding overall you both want?
Post # 7
Perhaps it has something to do with what brenna1035 said about my Fiance growing up poor. My grandfather is paying for all of his college, as well as mine, and our honeymoon. And my parents are paying for the wedding and gave him a car… maybe he just feels like they have already given too much? Or maybe he is embarrassed because he can’t help out very much and his parents can’t helo out very much either. I do think his opinion is important, I just don’t understand.
The caterer is actually a 5 star restaurant that does catering on the side, we are having the wedding in a tiny town in the middle of the desert so that is probably one of the reasons it is so expensive. I am not sure what it all includes, but the guy who owns the restaurant is a personal friend of mine and my FI’s, so I trust him.
Post # 8
I’d be interested in hearing his reasons, too. He must have elaborated at some point. Does he just want to avoid having what he considers an extravagant affair? Does he think maybe you guys might get the difference as a gift or an inheritance? Is he uncomfortable feeling indebted to your parents in some way?
Your FI’s wishes for the wedding should definitely be taken into account, but it’s not really his place to question how your parents decide to spend their money. If they are throwing a wedding for you and they want to pay $50 a plate, it’s really none of his business. It’s perfectly fine if he has an opinion on what kind of food will be served – it is, after all, his wedding, too – but he can’t decide how much money is too much for your parents to spend. You should ask him, if you haven’t already, what his specific problem is with this situation.
I don’t know what average prices are like in Utah, but to me $50 per head seems like a reasonable amount (ultimately depending on what it includes).
Edit: I think a bunch of my questions were answered before I could post. 🙂
Post # 9
More than likely he feels that that is way to much money to spend. Whether its his money or not…. compromising will began early for the two of you. Remember its his wedding too! Although he may not be paying he has a point and he doesn’t think $50 a head is reasonable…this means you should go back to step one and find someone you both feel comfortable with.
For instance, I had met and decided upon a photographer…. I’d ben asking this guy for years. Plus, I am best friends with his daughter. She had told me for years how he did this persons pics for free, this one for free, that one free. And that he would more than likely do mine for free. But after meeting with him its NO WHERE NEAR FREE OR A DEAL. My Fiance said he is way to high and I told him, okay. If he could find better we would go with his person. So, now he has full control over the photography and videography. He found a guy way cheaper, willing to trvel over an 1 1/2 and still he is cheaper. He trust him so I will.
Sometimes you have to just compromise… its the start of your marriage. Don’t let this cause problems you guys just sit down and talk about it.
Post # 10
im paying $25 a plate which includes the reception cake and a dessert buffet. and the food is in generous portions.
i think you could find something cheaper.. but as far as him telling your parents they cant go over 5k when they’re paying..thats a no go.
Post # 11
The wedding is about you and your FH. Yes, its great that your family is extremely generous but you future husbands wishes can and should be somewhat accomodated.
I mean you family is doing ALOT for the both of you, as a man I know that can’t be easy. My fiance would probably feel the exact same way (and thats without all the extra stuff you say your parents are doing for you guys, college/car).
Post # 12
My guess is that he might feel somewhat emasculated about the whole situation. Think of it this way… he’s a man, who’s fiancee and her family are paying for his college, his car and his whole wedding and honeymoon. That’s a lot! Maybe he’s feeling insecure about not being able to provide these things for himself?
Post # 13
@SweetartMD: My Fiance was kinda the same way. But I think for different reasons. He just didn’t want to spend very much because he thought that $40-50 per person was outrageous. Then we finally went to a tasting and he understood where the money was going.