Post # 1
My boyfriend is consiering joining the Army. I am supportive of this, despite the distance it would put between us. We are very much in love, and we wouldn’t break it off if he had to move. He is hesitant about joining because he says he doesn’t want to be seperated from me, and he is worried that being apart for so long will change us.
We’ve discussed marriage, and we both agreed that we wanted to get married after college. However, we both admit that while we don’t really feel ready to be married this young, we are both toying with the idea of getting legally married now, then having a big ceremony after…well, that’s the problem. The process is all very vague right now. Would the ceremony be after training or deployment?
I know my boyfriend and I have a lot to work out first, but I was wondering what the community’s opion was on marrying civilly for convenience and having a wedding ceremony later?
Post # 3
The ceremony, if you had a big one after the civil ceremony, would be a vow renewal. You can’t have another wedding unless you got divorced first, but I see nothing wrong with having a vow renewal and/or reception to celebrate with everyone after deployment.
Post # 4
what would the reasons or benefits be for getting civilly married now?
Post # 5
I don’t know your age, but it sounds like you’re in college and admit to being unprepared for marriage. So I’m not sure why you’d have a civil ceremony. You do NOT have to be married to be in a relationship together while he’s away. In fact, it may be harder on you both than you realize and in that event, it would be much easier to exit a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend than husband and wife.
Post # 6
I agree with ohheavenlyday.
Don’t get married if you both don’t feel ready for marriage. It is great that your boyfriend wants to serve his country and that you support him. But expect your life to change a lot once he actually is in the military. Keep dating until you are ready to be a wife. Adjusting to both married life and military life at the same time is a lot to deal with. There are some benefits to be married in the military, but it can also be a great source of frustration. There is this saying: If the military wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one.
Continue supporting him, see how the military works out for you both. If it gets tough and you work through it together, you will only come out stronger. That is a much better feeling to get married with than uncertainty whether you are doing the right thing.
And like Mrs Grape said, if you went to the courthouse now, you could only have a vow renewal later, not a big wedding ceremony. Is this what you want?
Post # 7
My FI is in the Army right now too, and is currently in Iraq, has been for about 9 months or so.. We were going to get married right before he deployed, but ended up calling it off for various reasons, and I have to say, it was the best thing we did. Like the others said, you don’t really know how you can handle distance and the military way of life until you are actually handling it. We knew we were strong and that we could make it, but we underestimated how hard the distance can be at first, and neither one of us was ready for it. So many issues arose, and seeing other couples in his unit that got married right before and are now going through a divorce, and seeing where we are, I am so glad that we didn’t put that extra stress of a marriage on top of the deployment. We are now planning our wedding for when he comes home, and we cannot be happier. If you both know that you’re not ready for marriage, don’t rush it. Wait until you are ready, it is the healthiest thing you could do for your relationship. Make sure you are getting married for the right reasons, instead of just for the army’s reasons. Just my opinion coming from what my experience was..