FI just got accepted to a Master's….and i'm very torn!!!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Will this degree up his chances of making more money in the future? Some people are comfortable being the “student” and having to get out in the real world and have a job and pay bills.  I really think that having experience working before going to get the masters will help him more in the long run.  Being where you are when you have more job opportunities sounds like the better long term plan for now.  Plus I would not want to be a married couple living with my inlaws!

I hope you can talk some sense into him!

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

Oy, while a great opportunity for him living with the inlaws tht would be a loud, firm NO WAY. I agree with the statement that guests, like fish, begin to smell after 3 days.

Unless you had a separate apartment and an ironclad agreement that the inlaws will butt out I wouldn’t even consider it.

Post # 5
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I see a lot of ”I” in the original post, and you only mentioned 1 reason pro that kinda sounds like an annoyed ”yeah by the way he’d have a piece of paper saying he has a M.A.”. What about his feelings, his achievements ? Maybe he wants to have a master’s degree. Maybe he thinks it’s worth investing another 12 months to get extra income, or more responsabilities, or a more interesting job in the long run. Maybe he’s not *that* ready to enter the job market.

Don’t get me wrong, all your concerns are legit, but there’s no way I’m going to tell you you’re right and yada yada, because I’m only seeing one side of this. Sit down and discuss, and find a solution that is a good compromise for both of you that doesn’t involve sacrificing one’s achievements and life goals for a wedding calendar related problem. You can postpone your wedding. You can delay your honeymoon. I guess to each their priorities, but I would never sacrifice my education for a party or a week of traveling. 

Your big problem here is related to who pays what and who lives where for 12 months. Fix this first. You’ll see how you will manage your schedule after that. 

 

Post # 6
Member
40 posts
Newbee

@peonyinlove:  I agree with NauticalDisaster, especially if you both went abroad for law school. That means that getting an LLM in the country in which you plan to practice is a big asset. I wouldn’t sweep that under the rug so quickly.

Post # 7
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d call you something more strong thn a grinch, but yes- I think you need an attitude adjustment. It seems like much of this is wrapped up in how it interferes with your perfect dream of a wedding/marriage timleine not based in reality. Shit comes up. Opportunities happen. You’re in a relationship, so you need to think about more than just yourself and how your decisions affect you.

To address your concerns:

-Move, or don’t. Plenty of people with strong relationships make LD work. Sure, it’s not ideal, but sometimes it’s just a situation that couples have to deal with. And okay- you’ll be out of your confort zone with no networked opportunities if you do move. That’s a con for sure, but one that can be overcome- it’ll just be a harder job search for you. It sounds like a larger city, so I’m assuming there’d be more opportunities anyway.

-Ummm, moving to someplace doesn’t mean that you are there forever. Move again when it’s over. It doesn’t give them a “win” and it’s very childish to rule out an opportunity because you want to stick it to your FILs.

-You said you were recently engaged…have the deposits been paid? Can you move the wedding to where his school is? That would make it easier on travel for his part. And not being able to have a honeymoon is a bummer, but not enough of a reason for him to blow off a grad school opportunity. However, I feel like you could still take a mini-moon.

-As noted above, you said you were recently engaged- how much is invested in the wedding being by your parents? Can you move it to where his grad school is? Or move it back a few months?

-I didn’t know people didn’t work while in grad school-where I am, most people in grad school work and go to school full time. I’m guessing since it is for only a year that it is an intensive program that is double the hours of a standard program- but can he work part-time? And if you’re working….I think you could find a way to make rent work if you wanted to. Idk what your financial situation is, or what kind of money you could make but I pay double that for a Studio apt with my FI (in USD) so regardless of currency (assuming you are inthe UK?), I don’t think that’s an insane amount.

-Again, not sure of the currency, but 30K for a year of education sounds pretty good to me.

 

I was in a very similar situation. My FI went to grad school right after graduation, and needed to move to a city 4 hours away from where I was living. I had the choice to do LD, or take my chances that I would find a job and move to be with him. It didn’t really take any thought for me, and if he hadn’t taken an extra large courseload each bi-mester (including summer) then it would have overlapped with our wedding. Be flexible and accept that not everything in life happens at an ideal time.

Post # 8
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsSaltWaterTaffy:  +1

 

Experience is everything. Not sure where you live but in the US once you pass the BAR exam, I’m pretty sure that would supercede your Master’s degree, that and experience, networking. In most profession’s it’s about WHO you know. I’d say he’s better off attending networking events within his profession, getting a job and having the experience under his belt before he jumps into the Master’s program.

 

I’m an accountant, but speaking from my own experience it is highly recommended that those who pursue an MBA do so after working in the field for at least a couple of years.

 

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@peonyinlove:  Does he need this extra degree to get a job? Will he make significantly more money? I don’t believe in being a professional student. I personally feel there is a time when we have to start working, start our lives, and focus on other priorities. What you’ve described does sound like giving his parents exactly what they want and putting your individual and joint life plans on hold.

Post # 10
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@peonyinlove:  Does he need the masters? Are you just completing your first degrees and this will help him land a job easier or is it just an addition to advanced degrees you have? I does help to have an advanced degree but also having experience before getting those does help finding employment easier even if it is just entry level in the field at first. I think you need to decide if the degree will help him professionally in the future, if it does than you have 12 months to suck it up and possibly change the wedding. You can push it back and do LDR so you find a job where you think its more benefical or you can move the wedding closer and try to find a way to not live at home during his schooling. 1600 is really steep unless im missing some currency conversion, are you sure there isnt something cheaper. At the moment just evaluate the degree on the future and on pushing the wedding back a bit.

Post # 11
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with @NauticalDisaster:.  Plus compromising things isn’t going to end, and if you go into this with the lose vs. win thing you’re setting yourself up for misery.  It’s not a game it’s what’s best for both of you.  

Post # 12
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with the other sentiments- what is the point of a master’s degree if he has a J.D. (assuming I understood your post correctly)?? 

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