FI just said the most hurtful thing you could say to me

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

“You don’t even care about getting married” 

It sounds like you both said hurtful things. If this is a pattern maybe you should consider couples counseling. 

Post # 3
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

butterfliesandhoney:  I think you’re really overreacting. It sounds like he was making a joke, a bad joke, but a joke nonetheless. Deep breaths, it’s going to be fine.

Post # 4
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well it’s hard to just take a snippet of the argument and know what’s going on but from what you said you “started it”

You told him that he dosn’t care about getting married.  He was proabably just being defensive to your comment and hurt and wanted to hurt you too.

Calm down.  Appologize for telling him he doesn’t care and tell him how his comment made you feel.  Hopefully he’ll apologize and you guys can move on.  

If he truly believes that his life is going to be over then you need to rethink this wedding ASAP.

Post # 5
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

butterfliesandhoney:  It doesn’t sound like he said the this meaning that if he cried he would think his life is over.

I think you are too stressed over the details and the upcoming wedding. Just take a deep breath and worry about more important things.

Post # 6
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

He was probably just being a smartass. If I were him, I’d be more pissed that you said he didn’t even care about getting married. However, with that said, the weeks leading up to the wedding are beyond stressful and it’s normal for couples to get into a bit of bickering. Just shake it off, forgive each other and move on. More likely than not, it’s the stress talking. 

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sounds like you were looking for something to get upset about. Congrats.

Post # 8
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I realise that you are upset but trust me, this almost certainly isn’t the most hurtful thing he could have said. Especially since you did trigger off this sorry exchange. Had he turned round and said “Actually, I’m not interested in getting married because I’ve been sleeping with your sister and we’re about to run off to Vegas together” then yes, that would have been a deal breaker of the horrendously hurtful variety.

I’d put this down to the pair of you being stressed right now. And then move on, 

Post # 9
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

butterfliesandhoney:  I’m almost certain he was just repeating a joke he’d heard. It was a silly thing to say, but I’ve heard far worse. 

Post # 10
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband jokes like this all the time. You’re both being hurtful and nasty to one another. I’d look internally for the problem with both of you rather than solely blaming it on him.

Post # 11
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

butterfliesandhoney:  I get it, considering it’s 3 weeks from your wedding, but it’s very clearly a joke. He’s not backing out of your wedding, right? Relax 🙂 All guys make dumb jokes. That being said, he’s also very clearly trying to behave “manly” about the wedding. Cut him some slack! Guys generally don’t care for all this wedding related stuff that we just get obsessed with, it’s not in their nature! It sounds like you backed him into a corner by telling him he didn’t care – and he responded in much the same way I would expect my FI to respond, lol!

Post # 12
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think what you said was more hurtful and of the blue imo.  You accused him off not caring, what was he supposed to do but feel defensive and fire back.

Post # 13
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

butterfliesandhoney:  Was he being serious or joking around when he said it? My FI makes jokes like this but he always give me this side eye with a cheesy grin like ‘I’m totally working you up right now coz I know exactly how to push your buttons’.. Sometimes it’s annoying but one of the things I love about him is how he makes me laugh so I let it go! I know he’s not serious.

If it’s possible this is the case with your FI, just put it down to him being a typical guy and making silly jokes and you possibly being a little on edge/sensitive seeing as the wedding is getting so close!

Unless he does this kind of thing a lot to be hurtful rather than funny, I wouldn’t worry too much 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Steampunkbride: +1, for being right, creative, and hilarious.

butterfliesandhoney:  This kind of exchange is normal, if a couple made it through wedding planning without any arguments like this it’d be a miracle.  The only part of this argument that would worry me is that you ran to the computer to tell this story to strangers instead of resolving it with your soon-to-be-husband.  I’m all for taking a little alone time to gain some calm before returning to the argument but blasting his behavior online won’t accomplish that.  Wishing you all the best, I’m sorry you’ve had a crummy day!

Post # 15
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It’s funny, we just watched a movie yesterday and the engaged woman said the same thing to the FI. He just responded, I’m a guy, to us it’s just one day, it’s a party, I will leave the details to you and give input when necessary. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care about it, it’s that I care about the marriage and everything after it. THAT’S what really matters!” 

 

Sounds like the same thing here. He cares enough to ask you to marry him for the rest of his life. Most men don’t care about most of the details as much as women. I know my FI was getting o era helmed at all my questions, so we agreed on a certain day we set aside for all details/questions/answers for wedding stuff. I know you are only 3 weeks out, but maybe you can set aside one hour maybe every 2-3 nights for him to answer stuff? 

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