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HAve him kick her out. She will clearly continue to cause more problems and she may do what she pleases even if she agrees to a long dress. You dont want her showing up on your wedding day in a short dress looking like an idiot. Just make sure when he kicks her out he makes it clear that it wasnt your idea - he is sick of the drama and if she cant play by the rules, shes out. What a snot
Let him do it...and then give him a great big kiss for being a great FI and supporting you in this (as he should, but many would have a hard time with it).
If it makes you feel any better, I had similar problems with my own sister and I took care fo that situation as well. I feel no remorse about it whatsoever, though we have a long history and she is generally an evil selfish person. So for me it was a relief. Not sure what FI's relationship is with his sister, but regardless, she's being selfish and unreasonable. It's not her day. If you told her to wear a pink tutu she should wear it and shut up.
Oh...and once you get past the dress...she'd find something else to cause drama about...some people are just like this and have to be the center of attention even if it is negative attention.
I'd let him do it. She's already been a pain in the butt, and the fact that HE wants to do it and will do it is really awesome. So much of the time, I've seen girls whose FIL family try to walk all over them and their FI won't defend them- it's awesome he's taking the initiative!
just remember you will be living with this person in your life for 50+ years. I would not advocate a hostile position...but at the same time I wouldn't let her walk all over you. Have your Fiance approach it like this "all of the bridesmaids will be wearing long dresses. We know that you like to be unique and we'd like to accommodate that so since that's not very compatible with the rest of the bridesmaids we were wondering if you would like to be a reader, guest book attendant, some other thing, etc. That way you can be happy and wear the dress you want." That way it comes off as a little bit nicer then "you're out". Yeah she's been a total pain in the ass, and you are totally right, but that's not going to matter to her or future MIL and you gotta be around these people forever.
Tell her she can be unique and wear whatever she wants when she's the BRIDE!!!!!!!!!
Geesh, what makes HER so special she gets to stand out? I think you've been too nice so far! I'd have told her tough noogies the first time, you're wearing THIS dress, just like everybody else. Can FI talk to his mom and sister and make it known that she just needs to shut up and be cooperative? If not, he can tell her, "look, this is our wedding...if you don't want to cooperate, it looks like you don't want to be in it. Is that the case? You can not be in it if you dom't want to, but if you're going to be in it, you're going to have to just be a good bridesmaid and wear what you're told.. that's how it works!"
I like ejs' response. A nice firm warning...and then if she can't play nice afterwards, then she's got to go... I can bet she'll try something else after the dress situation, but atleast everyone will feel okay in that they *tried* to work it out with her first and she just had to keep on going...
I would tottally let FI do it, but I would totally make sure that he let it be known that this was not your idea.
I agree with everyone else! She's making this all about her and you don't need that stress, not with everything else! It needs to be taken care of in nonconfrontational way though, because i know you'll have many more years with her around, so hopefully it can be resolved with no hard feelings!
Let your FI handle it. I definitely wouldn't prevent him from kicking her out. He has lived with her so he knows her personality better than you do. I am thinking he knows that the dress is just the tip of the iceberg and wants to avoid further drama. She can either be a guest, and behave like she has some common sense or she can watch the wedding video at a later date.
...as you can see by my response, I have a very low tolerance for drama =)
If you think she's a pain now, think how's she going to act (for the rest of your life) if you kick her out (yes, I know your FI would do it, but she'd think you did it). Just stick to your guns. Have your FI tell her that she has to wear a long dress. End of story. If she doesn't want to wear it then she can decide if she wants to be a bridesmaid or not.
I think you have been really easy going about the whole thing so far. I think that your FI should remind her that this is your guys wedding and you have the right to want things a certain way if she is still insistent on being dramatic then have him tell her she is out.
Sorry you have to go through this, I hope this helps.
I like what people have said about it being her decision. "You wear this dress or you are not in the wedding, you decide"
Even if FI tells her that it's his decision she will hold it against you.
BTW, you've been MORE THAN accomadating to her so far, it's time to stop letting her walk all over you!
she'll only get worse
Even my DH says to kick her out! Just make sure you have him do it and be clear it is HIM doing it.
My SIL didn't complain about the dress, but she did do somet other diva behaviors at the wedding, so consider yourself warned, hehe.
oh, and what I actually find MORE disturbing is your FMILs involvement. You definitely don't want to get off the the wrong foot w/ her, but the SIL just sounds like a brat.
Thanks for all of your advice, ladies! I've asked FI to go ahead and talk to her, but to not kick her out directly. He's going to let her know that we would like her to be a bridesmaid, but there isn't going to be any more negotiating - she needs to just wear the long dress. Or she can step down and wear whatever she wants. We'll see what happens!
Yup, I agree with everyone - let him kick her out. She's going to continue causing problems, because as you said, it's just a power trip.
Kick her out. I had a VERY similar experience with my FSIL (FH begged me not to include her to begin with) she and I had drama over something non-wedding related, so she told everyone and their mother about how she didn't want to be in our stupid wedding, yada yada. Then all of a sudden she decided to complain in front of me about the cost of a dress (they hadn't even been picked yet!) and I said that's it- and told her she was out. I couldn't risk the drama back and forth.
I feel a THOUSAND times better and you will too! I say have him do it. FH would have been too mean if I let him do it for me :)
You made too many compromises already... time for her to go!
I don't think you should stop him from kicking her out, but you might want to do something else nice for her so she doesn't think you pushed FI into it since you're going to have to live with her in the picture long term
It actually looks like FMIL may have really spoiled her. I can't believe FMIL called your FI to complain on FSIL's behalf. You've got a great FI who looks like he can stand up to his mom & sister!
Bravo (and I'm echoing the other bees here) to your FI! Wow. Most guys can't stand when you even say something negative about their family members. Wow. And I'm also impressed that so many bees say let him kick her out. I love it. It's bold, forceful, that's for sure. Will it cause probs down the line? For sure, but so will having her in. You're in for trouble with these ladies, FMIL included, but this FI is a doll! I like him giving her a warning, reviewing with her the very recent history of where you've bent over backwards where the dresses are concerned (she'll realize FAST that you've kept him very much in the loop, which makes his exasperation just that -- his, and not just yours). Then he tells her she is unique, she will be unique because she's his sister. Period. But she wears long because she'll look foolish wearing short and because that's the way his sweetheart (you, the bride) wants it. He tells her that if she can't go along with that, and with everything else that comes down the pike -- yes, he gives her that warning right then, in that very same conversation -- then, it might be best if she decide NOW not to be in the wedding party and to enjoy the wedding by wearing and doing whatever she'd like!
Your fi' rocks!!! I honestly would be ecstatic if someone were willing to pay for my dress ESPECIALLY since I get to pick which one I wanted!! Can you perhaps appease her (it's totally not about her but do you want this headache for the next 50 years?!) by changing her bouquet?
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I'm sorry this is so long - please bear with me! So, I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid because I thought it would be a nice thing to do and would help us become closer. Unfortunately, there's already been a lot of drama between us... about bridesmaid dresses! Kind of ridiculous, I know.
At first I was going to have the girls wear champagne dresses. She told me that she prefers black. I thought about it and agreed to black dresses because champagne can be a hard color to pull off. I picked out a long, black Calvin Klein gown (I'm paying, so none of this is about money, btw). She complained to FI that she wants to be unique and doesn't want to wear the same dress as the other bridesmaids. Okay. I agreed that they could each wear a different dress as long as it's long and black. Then she asked my MOH if she can wear the original Calvin Klein gown, which is what my MOH will be wearing, but have it cut short!! I feel like I've been really easy going and accomodating so far, but this is where I put my foot down. We told her that we're sorry, but the dresses must be long. Apparently she talked to my FMIL and had her call FI to complain about the dress and how she should be able to wear whatever she wants.
I told FI that I couldn't believe she was causing so many problems and why can't she just wear a dress I like?!? I also asked him if he thought she would wear the dress if I asked her to as a favor to me. He said that she probably wouldn't. It's obviously not about the dress at all, it's some sort of power play. So I told him that I'm sorry, but I wish I had never asked her to be a bridesmaid. I probably shouldn't have told him that, but it's how I felt. He told me that he's tired of having all the women in his life talk to him about dresses every day and he's just going to tell her she's out!!
The big question is, should I stop him? I would really like to have the dress drama stop, but kicking her out might just cause more problems. What would you do?