Post # 1
I’m sorry this is so long – please bear with me! So, I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid because I thought it would be a nice thing to do and would help us become closer. Unfortunately, there’s already been a lot of drama between us… about bridesmaid dresses! Kind of ridiculous, I know.
At first I was going to have the girls wear champagne dresses. She told me that she prefers black. I thought about it and agreed to black dresses because champagne can be a hard color to pull off. I picked out a long, black Calvin Klein gown (I’m paying, so none of this is about money, btw). She complained to FI that she wants to be unique and doesn’t want to wear the same dress as the other bridesmaids. Okay. I agreed that they could each wear a different dress as long as it’s long and black. Then she asked my MOH if she can wear the original Calvin Klein gown, which is what my MOH will be wearing, but have it cut short!! I feel like I’ve been really easy going and accomodating so far, but this is where I put my foot down. We told her that we’re sorry, but the dresses must be long. Apparently she talked to my FMIL and had her call FI to complain about the dress and how she should be able to wear whatever she wants.
I told FI that I couldn’t believe she was causing so many problems and why can’t she just wear a dress I like?!? I also asked him if he thought she would wear the dress if I asked her to as a favor to me. He said that she probably wouldn’t. It’s obviously not about the dress at all, it’s some sort of power play. So I told him that I’m sorry, but I wish I had never asked her to be a bridesmaid. I probably shouldn’t have told him that, but it’s how I felt. He told me that he’s tired of having all the women in his life talk to him about dresses every day and he’s just going to tell her she’s out!!
The big question is, should I stop him? I would really like to have the dress drama stop, but kicking her out might just cause more problems. What would you do?
Post # 3
HAve him kick her out. She will clearly continue to cause more problems and she may do what she pleases even if she agrees to a long dress. You dont want her showing up on your wedding day in a short dress looking like an idiot. Just make sure when he kicks her out he makes it clear that it wasnt your idea – he is sick of the drama and if she cant play by the rules, shes out. What a snot
Post # 4
Let him do it…and then give him a great big kiss for being a great FI and supporting you in this (as he should, but many would have a hard time with it).
If it makes you feel any better, I had similar problems with my own sister and I took care fo that situation as well. I feel no remorse about it whatsoever, though we have a long history and she is generally an evil selfish person. So for me it was a relief. Not sure what FI’s relationship is with his sister, but regardless, she’s being selfish and unreasonable. It’s not her day. If you told her to wear a pink tutu she should wear it and shut up.
Post # 5
Oh…and once you get past the dress…she’d find something else to cause drama about…some people are just like this and have to be the center of attention even if it is negative attention.
Post # 6
I’d let him do it. She’s already been a pain in the butt, and the fact that HE wants to do it and will do it is really awesome. So much of the time, I’ve seen girls whose FIL family try to walk all over them and their FI won’t defend them- it’s awesome he’s taking the initiative!
Post # 7
just remember you will be living with this person in your life for 50+ years. I would not advocate a hostile position…but at the same time I wouldn’t let her walk all over you. Have your Fiance approach it like this “all of the bridesmaids will be wearing long dresses. We know that you like to be unique and we’d like to accommodate that so since that’s not very compatible with the rest of the bridesmaids we were wondering if you would like to be a reader, guest book attendant, some other thing, etc. That way you can be happy and wear the dress you want.” That way it comes off as a little bit nicer then “you’re out”. Yeah she’s been a total pain in the ass, and you are totally right, but that’s not going to matter to her or future MIL and you gotta be around these people forever.
Post # 8
Tell her she can be unique and wear whatever she wants when she’s the BRIDE!!!!!!!!!
Post # 9
Geesh, what makes HER so special she gets to stand out? I think you’ve been too nice so far! I’d have told her tough noogies the first time, you’re wearing THIS dress, just like everybody else. Can FI talk to his mom and sister and make it known that she just needs to shut up and be cooperative? If not, he can tell her, “look, this is our wedding…if you don’t want to cooperate, it looks like you don’t want to be in it. Is that the case? You can not be in it if you dom’t want to, but if you’re going to be in it, you’re going to have to just be a good bridesmaid and wear what you’re told.. that’s how it works!”
Post # 10
I like ejs’ response. A nice firm warning…and then if she can’t play nice afterwards, then she’s got to go… I can bet she’ll try something else after the dress situation, but atleast everyone will feel okay in that they *tried* to work it out with her first and she just had to keep on going…
Post # 11
I would tottally let FI do it, but I would totally make sure that he let it be known that this was not your idea.
Post # 12
I agree with everyone else! She’s making this all about her and you don’t need that stress, not with everything else! It needs to be taken care of in nonconfrontational way though, because i know you’ll have many more years with her around, so hopefully it can be resolved with no hard feelings!
Post # 13
Let your FI handle it. I definitely wouldn’t prevent him from kicking her out. He has lived with her so he knows her personality better than you do. I am thinking he knows that the dress is just the tip of the iceberg and wants to avoid further drama. She can either be a guest, and behave like she has some common sense or she can watch the wedding video at a later date.
…as you can see by my response, I have a very low tolerance for drama =)
Post # 14
If you think she’s a pain now, think how’s she going to act (for the rest of your life) if you kick her out (yes, I know your FI would do it, but she’d think you did it). Just stick to your guns. Have your FI tell her that she has to wear a long dress. End of story. If she doesn’t want to wear it then she can decide if she wants to be a bridesmaid or not.
Post # 15
I think you have been really easy going about the whole thing so far. I think that your FI should remind her that this is your guys wedding and you have the right to want things a certain way if she is still insistent on being dramatic then have him tell her she is out.
Sorry you have to go through this, I hope this helps.
Post # 16
I like what people have said about it being her decision. “You wear this dress or you are not in the wedding, you decide”
Even if FI tells her that it’s his decision she will hold it against you.
BTW, you’ve been MORE THAN accomadating to her so far, it’s time to stop letting her walk all over you!