- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
I am going anonymous for this post.
So when my FI and I first started dating, we agreed that one of the most important things in a relationship was honesty. We both had some issues in our pasts (he had a drug problem in college, I used to cut myself, ect.) All of this happened ages before we met, but we wanted to tell each other everything, and I thought we had. One time we were talking about my ex, who I caught cheating on me with his ex. I also found out he was addicted to porn. When I told my FI this, he couldn’t believe someone could do that to me and explained how he thought porn was disgusting and that he hasn’t looked at it in years and has no desire to. Any time we watch a movie and there is a naked woman, he looks away. He makes fun of slutty girls and girls who show lots of skin. He is very old-fashioned, and I’ve always loved him for that.
So I was on my FI’s phone looking something up, and low and behold there is some naked girls on his browser. Not necessarily porn, but girls. His history showed he searched for “hotties with bodies,” “sexiest women models,” ect, and then he typed in a couple of specific models names. I am so shocked, I would have never expected this from him. I mean I am no model myself, but my FI always tells me how beautiful I am and how I am way out of his league. I confronted him about it, and he totally broke down. I believe he is truly sorry. I asked him how long this has been going on, and he said just the last couple of months. However, he admitted that before we stated dating, he had a problem with it. He said he didn’t want to tell me at first because he was ashamed.
Now I am willing to move past this, but it has been really hard. I love him more than anything and it’s not like he cheated or anything, but I feel like I can’t trust him now and my self confidence is the lowest it’s ever been.
Please, please don’t comment saying “he’s just a guy and all guys do it.” I am looking for advice on how to get past the fact that he lied to me, and the fact that he would have been hiding something from me on or wedding day, since he was so adamant that we told eachother everything. Has anybody else gone through something similar and have any advice on how to move past this?
Thanks for reading this, and sorry it’s so long.