(Closed) FI looking at inappropriate photos

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it sucks (because you know the people) but end of the day he thinks its an attractive picture so why not?

If I were turned on by that sort of thing I might keep the pic too for a look here or there.

Post # 4
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Are they in a folder with a bunch of other wedding photos, or are they kind of on their own.

Aw, hell, even with the other photos, I’d say it was wrong.  Shame on him for not deleting them right away and chewing out the person who sent them.  And shame on the person who sent them.  And even if a bride is having pre-wedding prep photos taken, who lets them do that when she’s wearing nothing but her undies.  A robe, yes.  A bra and panties, no.

There’d be hell to pay if I found that DH had a photo of any of his friends in their underwear.

Post # 5
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hm, that is a toughy…

I would have to say to confront him (again if need be) and ask why he is still looking at pictures of his best friend while she is in her lingerie, tell him that it upsets you that it is in his recent documents – that means he obviously recently viewed it! Get his side of the story on this, then ask him to delete those pictures if not for you then for the dignity of his best friend. It is one thing to send some wedding photos you want to keep to the photographer even if it is risque but let me tell you how creeped out I would be if I was his best friend and I knew he still had those photos, it is kind of pervish. He should have to answer to this, but in a calm manner. I think you are over reacting a little much but I think your questions and worry are warrented and you should get the truth from him. 

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I am comfortable with my FI looking at porn, we actually watch it together since we have the same fetishes but if I caught him looking at one of my friends or one of his friends in lingerie or even naked that is crossing the line for me too and I would want him to explain himself. 

Post # 6
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I might be the only one who finds the weirdest thing in the OP’s post the fact that the bride and the entire bridal party had a picture in their bra and panties.  Maybe I’m just not that close to my friends, but (a) I don’t think I’d want to walk around in my bra and panties with my BMs and (b) I don’t think any of us would be willing to pose like that.

Interestingly enough, what bothers me the most about it is that it’s girls he knows in person.  If he was looking at porno pix from strangers (like on the internet or whatever), it’s like – ok, who cares?  He’s never going to meet them.  But now he knows what this girl looks like nearly naked and sees her in person.  Uhm, weird.  Like, really weird. 

But, that’s neither here nor there. 

If it hurts you, you need to talk to him about it.  I don’t think it’s THAT terrible, since he probably just remembered they were there and took another look, but I do think that he needs to delete them now and know that it’s not ok for him to look at other girls like that.

ETA:  Is it possible that he was just going through files on his computer and he opened them to see what they were b/c he didn’t know what they were before he opened them?  You know how sometimes you see a file and you’re like, “Huh?  What’s that?” and then as soon as you open it, you realize and you just close it and move on? 

Post # 7
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Why were these girls taking pics in their bras and panties anyway.  I’ve been in 4 weddings and we’ve never taken anything close to something like this.  Either perverted photographer or crazy bride haha.  Regardless, I would be pissed too.  I once opend my then boyfriends laptop to send an email or something (we live together and share it) anyway, he had some photos open of him and some slutty girl that were from a few years prior.  I was so angry wondering why he was looking at them? 

Post # 8
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would be upset by that. After a man proposes to a woman, I would expect him to not want to ogle other woman. I would definitely expect an engaged man to have deleted that photo and not wanted to ogle at it for long at all. I mean, I would get it if he got the photo, then checked it out, then deleted it, but the fact that he still looked at it 3 years later is not a good sign. Im really sorry that it hurt you and that would have hurt me too. In fact, something like that happened to me while i was dating my FI, but I talked to him about how it hurt me and luckily we ended the habit before we deicded to get engaged. I would bring it up with him.

Post # 10
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsOrange:  Did you confront him about it? SERIOUSLY…i don’t understand why men do this when they are in committed relationships. I mean, it would make more sense if they were looking at women they didnt know–like on a screen—but looking at a close friend, a mutual friend, or a past ex is just wrong.

Post # 11
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  That girl is friggin weird.  WEIRD.  Do NOT let her talk into taking the same type of picture with your friends!!! lol.. I don’t know any other bride who has done something like that!!  Seriously, what do you do with that pic??? Blow it up and frame it and hang it on your bedroom wall??? 

WEIRDDDDD!

Post # 12
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d definitely snap at my FI about this because come on, it’s just annoying. But I dont agree with PP’s that being engaged or married or in a serious relationships means that you can’t look at pictures or have to chew someone out for sending them or whatever. I’m being honest, I would DEFINITELY find that annoying but would I make a massive issues out of it? No way. Don’t we all look at facebook pictures of all our friends in bathing suits? Oh, that guy I used to work with in a bathing suit? Let’s see what he looks like! Same diff, honestly. Just ask him why it was on a recent thing 3 years later. That’s the only part that’s kinda meh.

Post # 14
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have been in this situation a few years ago. It is a totally different situation than finding him looking at porn or something like that. Because these are girls that you know. Porn women are totally intangible, where people you know personally are tangible. That is the part that did it for me, the fact that they were in the same city and could be easily contacted. FI ( then just boyfriend) never thougt about it that way and was pretty embarassed when I found them. He didn’t think it was wrong because all of his friends ( “friends” who still live in their mom’s basements and could never make it on their own type friends) had a “collection” of such photos. I went on to explain to him that these behaviors are not allowed in this relationship and if he wanted to be like his so called friends, I would gladly drive him back to his mom’s house and even help him move into the basement. He was much younger then and really didn’t have a grasp on what a serious relationship was about and what the boundaries were. 

Sometimes I think you just need to let the guy know how it makes you feel, ask him not to do it again and move on. I am sure he would not like it if if you had a bunch of guys pics like that? Like I said, for me it was because they were tangible. Good luck! 

Post # 16
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JoJoDahling:  I agree with this post. My FI looks at porn, men are visual so I’m ok with that, but if I ever caught him looking at indecent pics of people in his life or mine i would be livid. That’s crossing a line, because he knows this person and she obviously isn’t a porn star.

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