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Wow. I'm so sorry for your fiance on both counts of his job and his brother. That is awful.
Are they allowed to fire him for that?
I am so sorry, both for FI's loss, and for the situation you are currently in!
Since your wedding is in May, it might be tight to still get married givent hat FI can't work for 3 months....the first thing I would think about is calling places you have put deposits down and seeing if they can be moved to another date. I know a lot of those deposits are non-refundable, but maybe they will let you push the wedding back? That is assuming you are ok with waiting, which you may not be...
Does FI have any other skills he could put to work (waiter, bartender, etc) during those 3 months? H emight be able to find something else which would at least take some of the pressure off....
So sorry ! I would say go with a smaller wedding now, or JOP and do the 'wedding' you want as a vow renewel ...or just post pone the wedding all together ? why not get married in 2013?
Yes, unfortunately his union's by-laws prohibit him from missing the amount of time he did for bereavement. It's been rough going- I'm just hoping it gets easier for him soon.
I think for right now drop the wedding plans and get married JOP.
I wish you the best!
How awful, I'm so sorry to hear that happened.
Its really up to you and what you feel you are capable of and if going back to 16 hour days is something you'll be ok with doing for at least 3 months. Will you be disappointed if you don't have a wedding? Is postponing or downgrading an option? JOP services are not for everyone but that are a great alternative and can still be beautiful as many lades here have demonstrated.
I am so sorry this happened. I was in a very similiar situation as my husband is in the trade as well. He lost his job shortly after we got engaged and there was no way I could have afforded much on my own. He ended up landing on his feet and even starting his own company. I would wait it out. Give it at least 6 weeks and see how things turn around. There are a lot of ups and down in the trade and I feel like it has been much easier for many people I know with a license for any trade to find a job much quicker than someone with a bachelor's degree. I am surrounded by plumbers, electricians, and carpenters and have seen a lot of panick and then seen all of these people land on their feet rather quickly. Good luck and just stay on top of all the job adds and talk to everyone you know (you never know who know sthe right people)
I've thought about trying this. This is where we're kind of hooped- we booked an all-inclusive venue for our ceremony/reception which is notorious for being very rigid, we booked it because we thought it wouldn't be a problem.
Also, we've sent our STD's (not that that is a huge thing) and already have all of our wedding stationary paid for and done. Definitely something to think about though. Thanks!
My husband just lost his job as well - its been tough on us and luckily made it through the wedding without this hurdle. Just know that it will only make the two of you stronger as a couple...if you have dreamt of your wedding i would push it out honestly. you could always do a JOP wedding then have a big reception when you have the funds. hang in there, Unemployment blows - but 3 months will go by quickly.
@FutureJessicaMcB: You can always have a wedding on any budget. It doesn't have to be a courthouse wedding. You can cut the guest list, do DIY projects, do a potluck or self cater, etc.
Or you can pick up a second job if you really want to go ahead with the planning.
http://2000dollarwedding.com/2008/07/from-conception-to-reception.html
@FutureJessicaMcB: Sorry to hear about the loss of his brother and now his job :( It sounds like you live in Calgary. FI is hiring for another trade, but it might be something to earn money in the mean time...PM me if you want more info!
This is so good to hear. I really hope he can find another job sooner, he's going to try to appeal to his union. We're so close to Fort Mac where they're dying for people and they pay far better, but he can't go if his union tells him no. I'm glad your fiance was able to get it together so quickly!
Sorry for the losses. Does the union not allow him to work *any* job or just any trade job for 3 months? Can he do anything under the table that pays cash so you dont have to work two jobs? Personally, I think I would reschedule the wedding and just have it later. Part of getting married to me is the celebration with friends and family... the rest is just paper work. I couldnt give up the wedding to just be married unless it were for other reasons like insurance or something.
Oh my goodness ((hugs)). I can only imagine how stressfull that must be.
Could you scale waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back (borrow a friends dress or look at consignment stores, potluck reception, paper flowers, BYOB) so you don't feel like you're compromising? At the end of the day, if you want to be married, you can get married either at a JOP or at a small, DIY wedding. I'm sure you can figure something out that wouldn't cost much at all.
I'll be thinking of you guys, please keep us posted!
@FutureJessicaMcB:I'm so sorry :( I know just wedding planning can be stressful but lump on top of that you starting a brand new job, going through the grieving process and your FI losing his job and I can't even imagine how hard this time is for you! I agree with the others. I'd call the venue, explain the circumstances and see if maybe you can push it out just a little bit to give the two of you a chance to get back on your feet.
Also, I was a waitress at a bar (which served pub food too) in Kansas City and made a killing. Maybe he can serve tables for some quick cash?
So sorry about all you're going through. I think it depends on how important your current vision for your wedding is to you. If you really don't want to downsize on the wedding, I'd say to postpone it by a year. Give you more room to save without the pressure. On the other hand you could have a fabulous smaller wedding- and DIY all the way! It depends what you and your fiancee really want. I wish you all the best, let us know what you work out
I think its absolutely crazy that he can't work for 3 months. How is that even legal? A person needs to make moey to survive.
I hope it all works out for you guys. Fort Mac does have alot of work right now. Also, elsewhere in Alberta seems to have alot, compared to alot of other places. So these 3 months should go by fast, and you guys will be back on track in no time.
I voted JoP, but you can also just move your wedding date. Is there a reason you want to get married in 2012? If it's not for insurance reasons or anything, you could just wait a year and still have the big wedding later. That way you'll also be able to save the money for the wedding so you aren't relying on a paycheck every month to pay for everything. And you won't feel like you missed out on the wedding you want.
Thanks Bees, I really appreciate the support. It's been a hard year, and I'm worried his motivation to find a job just three weeks from the anniversary of his brother's death won't be there. It's hard to see him suffer so much, so I know I need to figure this out essentially alone.
Wait a few days to step back and regroup. When your heads are clear, evaluate what means most to you guys. Either scale back the May wedding and keep it very simple or just do JOP and postpone.
Don't go into debt and don't break your back working two jobs- it may hurt your relationship!
It's 90% because we don't want to lose the $5,000 that's already been poured into the wedding. But I'm going to call the venue and see if they're willing to play ball.
I think it's pretty insane too. They have specific provisions that keep them out of work if they get fired/laid off but if they quit they can go on a call-board right away. It's really a crooked system in that regard. The killer thing is, FI has an uncle in Fort Mac who is a pretty influential guy with Graham Construction, but if his union found out he'd get fined and booted out.
Has he seen a Dr. or a Therapist? If he has documentation that he was suffering from depression than firing him was illegal. Would the union fight for him? I'm really sorry your going thru this.
@FutureJessicaMcB: Maybe the venue will 'hold' the $5000 you've paid for a later date if you explain your situation? Or refund it? Never hurts to ask!
Also, if they cant, maybe you can still potluck/byob it at that venue!
Mr. McB had seen a psychologist for six months, and was then prescribed a whole array of anti-depressants at hospital. However, the anti-depressants kept sending him TO the hospital with convulsions, vomitting, making him way worse, etc. And unfortunately, it's the union that'll fight him rather than for him.
I'll try and get them to transfer it (maybe next year?), but potluck BYOB are prohibited- you have to use the venue's services- and it's not cheap.
I would say either push the date back, or just scale down. It may not be every thing you ever dreamed of, but to me, cancelling such a happy event in times of depression might make it worse. If you just do JOP, do you think your SO will feel like he "took something" from you? I know that is how my SO would feel (NOT that that is true, you just want what is best financially and psychologically).
You said your venue was all-inclusive, but maybe talk to them about scaling back some things? Cash bar? No favors? (Donation to a suicide prevention place? It doesn't have to be large, it could be in honor of your FI brother, and then put up an "in lieu of favors" sign/note?)
I know this may be hard, but if anyone is helping you finacially (parents, etc) ask if they may be able to help just a smidge more? Every little bit counts.
Please keep us updated!
Talk to the union and ask if they will let him "quit" instead of be fired? (Threaten lawsuit if not?)
Talk to a lawyer and see if you have a case against the union. (Even if it's written into the union by-laws, if there's a state or federal law, the by-laws can't override it. So they can't write in "if you get pregnant, we will fire you" because that's against the law. Might be similar here.)
As other posters said, see if venue will postpone wedding. If venue won't, ask for deposit back if they book another event on that date.
The 2nd job you'd get - is it one FI can get instead? Can he get a low wage job for a few weeks until he can work in his chosen field?
The only thing I strongly urge against is taking on debt for it when you don't know when your financial situation will improve. Good luck.
But, missing work due to depression doesn't come under Bereavement Leave, it should come under sick leave, or disability. And he HAD a clinical diagnosis -- too many brave young men tend to believe that they can just bull their way through on will-power alone, and hate to see a doctor for physical problems, let alone for mental-health issues; and it is well known that depression saps one's ability to do all the "right" things to deal with depression, such as seeing the right health professional and filling out all the right paperwork. These are all reasons that the union should consider an appeal!
It is particularly ironic, since one of the features of the new hospital is supposed to be its Mental Health Services department. If I were in Alberta I'd be writing letters on your behalf to the union, the minister of health, EllisDon, the minister of labour, the subcontractor (assuming that your fiance wasn't working directly for the general contractor), the Mental Health society, and anyone else I can think of. Treating mental illness like a character fault is a nineteenth-century attitude (and only reinforces Alberta's unfortunate reputation as the atavism capital of Canada.
It is probably worth while to review his contract terms and union rules to see how they deal with shortterm disability, and whether they have abrogated his rights by firing him instead of placing him on disability. Good luck. I have some family in Calgary: if there is anything you think I can do, feel free to PM me.
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Hey Bees,
So to make a long story short, Mr. McB is a third-year apprentice plumber who has been working for the same company building a hospital for the last four years. Mr. McB's brother killed himself September of last year, and he missed quite a bit of work as a result of his depression.
Well today Mr. McB calls me at work and tells me he's been fired for the amount of work he's missed in the last year. What's more is that there are very few trades jobs in our city right now (boom and bust oil town), and Mr. McB's union will not allow him to work for three months after he's been fired. And if he tries to work outside the union they fine him $1,500.
So needless to say I'm feeling hooped. I got out of college in May, and started my first job in my field in June so I'm barely making enough money to cover all of our bills/rent/student debt let alone the wedding. I'm starting to feel like we should cancel the whole thing, get married by a JOP and give up on the wedding dreams. Either that, or I go back to what I had to do while Mr. McB was off work after his brother's death and work two jobs (and school as well back then), making for 16 hour days to make it work.
What do you think Bees? What should I do?