Post # 1
Fiance has a really really fast metabolism. He eats donuts for breakfast, goes out get (unhealthy) fast food for lunch, comes home and polishes half a can of pringles, eats twice what I do for dinner, then finishes off the night with some cookies and candy. Someday I’m sure this will all come back to bite him but right now he just refuses to eat healthy because he knows that he will not gain weight.
When I started dating him I gained 15 lbs because I followed his eating habits. I started eating healthier last year and dropped over 20 lbs just by changing my eating habits. I recently hit my goal weight (but I’m still trying to tone up) and Fiance thinks I can just stop eating healthy. He encourages me to eat poorly (he did this while I was dieting as well but not as often) and doesn’t understand why I can’t just eat whatever I want.
We just spent 10 minutes arguing because he wanted to go to Pizza Hut and I asked to get the thin crust. He refused and I told him he could go and I would figure something else out. He kept asking why I don’t just get a personal pan or eat the pizza and I explained that even though I would still be in my calorie range I would not be satisfied. He has no idea how it feels to limit food. When you’ve been doing this for as long as I have you make decisions about what’s worth the calories and what isn’t. For me a hand tossed pizza is not worth it.
He doesn’t understand this and it just makes me really anxious when we argue about it. I don’t feel like I should have to justify my (healthy) decisions. Anyone else in a similar situation? I’m sick of defending my healthy choices. I’m sick of arguing with him because he wants me to get something unhealthy. I would appreciate views on the other side of the issue as well. Is it just really hard for him to understand since he has never had to watch what he eats?
Post # 3
OMG I’m in the exact same position. I just started cooking for myself. He HATES vegetables and it’s hard to cook healthy with just meat, grains, and dairy all the time. His brother is the same way.
However I eat “healthy” not for weight reasons, but because when I eat a lot of junk/fast food I get ill. I’ve never had to watch for calories, and he’s very much the same way. So he doesn’t get why I eat “rabbit food,” even though when all the healthy food is gone at home I get all kinds of digestive problems.
What really doesn’t make sense is that he once studied to become a paramedic (he then decided to be a cop instead). So he knows about how the human body works, but continues to put utter crap into his. He even jokes that he’s going to be dead at 40 (and is 22!) At least he lets me buy what I like, and buys what he likes.
I don’t have any advice, just wanted to co-sign/commiserate.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Lucky for me, Fiance and I both saw our metabolisms slow down after hitting a certain age, so we both try to eat more healthy (even though we sadly very often slip up). I do think a lot of why your Fiance doesn’t understand is that he’s never had to worry about his diet affecting his weight. If he’s never had to deal with it firsthand, he probably sees this as some ridiculous limit you’ve imposed on yourself. There are also people out there who just believe that good food is good food and you might as well eat it. All I can say is don’t take his arguments too seriously and stick with your healthy habits. His day will come!
Post # 5
That really sucks. I kind of think that would be something I personally couldn’t live with (note: just me!). It’s not at all just about weight, which is this ridiculous misconception we have in our society, but it’s about health. People just don’t get the connection of diet and health. Maybe you could have him watch some good food documentaries (ex: food, inc) or read some books that explain why eating like that is so bad for a person, because without consequences (that he knows of), what motivation does he have to change?
Post # 6
@kittyfinn: Fiance grew up eating out so cooking was foreign for him when we started dated! He’s gotten a lot better about it but he doesn’t like it when I add vegetables to things. I typically eat them on the side now but I would definitely prefer them to actually be in the meal! I definitely need to continue eating fairly healthy because I feel sick, bloated, and dehydrated when I don’t! Fiance has quite a few digestive issues and I’ve told him it’s probably due to the way he eats. He’ll lay off junk food after a particularly bad digestive episode but then just picks it back up again.
@elysion: I think you are right- when he is encouraging me to eat something unhealthy he tells me that he just wants me to be happy. And to him, good makes people happy. Of course I would love to put away six slices of pizza but I would feel sick afterwards sop then I wouldn’t be happy. Someday he will understand what it’s like to need to eat healthy for weight reasons and just to feel better overall!
@BlondeMissMolly: Agreed. He even understand that it’s not all about weight. I’ve pointed this out to him several times. It started out being about weight for me, but now I understand the health benefits as well. Having him watch a documentary is a good idea. I’ll have to take a look at the library and online. Unfortunately from my understanding he already has some scary consequences staring him on the face. His dad has type 2 diabetes which from my understanding is genetic and can be triggered by eating poorly. He has admitted to me that he understands his risks and needs to change his lifestyle and just has not done it. Perhaps I should have him read up more on that as well.
Post # 7
@MrsBeck: I so know where you’re coming from on this one. I’ve put on 10 pounds since meeting Fiance one year ago, and have been struggling to shift that weight since we got engaged. I’m sure I could crash diet in the weeks leading up to the wedding, but for me it’s a become lifestyle/health issue rather than a weight/vanity one.
My husb-to-be sounds a lot like yours, except he also grew up with restaurateur/hotelier parents who indulged in gourmand meals every day and took him and his brother to Michelin-starred restaurants when they were young. He now works in F&B, and his meals on an average day would consist of a large pizza for breakfast, a rich risotto for lunch and Wagyu burgers or a steak for dinner. Snacks would be whatever dessert the pastry chef is testing, tons of bread and Spanish tapas. And when he gets home – usually after 10PM – he will usually want a second dinner. I also love food, and I like sharing a meal with him because it’s so rare during the week. So I also end up eating a rich pasta or risotto he’s cooked up at midnight.
And of course, he has the world’s fastest metabolism so he doesn’t see any physical evidence (yet) of his fat-filled diet. He’s 5’8 and barely hits 150 pounds on the scales.
It is SO FRUSTRATING. Not just because of the weight aspect for me – although if things don’t change soon, I am going to be one fat bride – but also the potential health repercussions. A family friend died two years ago after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes after a lifetime of eating fatty foods and drinking too much. He had a stroke at 50 and died a year later. My father passed away last year, from a catastrophic heart attack. He was 59, and again had the trifecta of eating poorly/drinking excessively/smoking.
Fiance is trying to change his eating habits along with me. I’m trying to encourage him to eat more fruit (he rarely thinks of eating on his own), and ordering salads rather than pizzas and Mexican when we do take-away nights.
Has he watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead? I agree that some docos and books along that vein might help.
Post # 8
Oh lord, my Fiance has the best metabolism ever and eats enough food for like 3 grown men and never gains weight. He once bragged about eating 5lbs of spaghetti. Yeah, I would have died if I ate that much food. He doesn’t eat horribly bad but he doesn’t deny himself “bad” food if he’s in the mood for it. I don’t deny myself treats either, but afterwards I regret it and beat myself up while he just goes about his day. Luckily he has been helpful when it comes to me eating better and less (I have a hard time stopping when I see him continuing to shovel it in his mouth, I get jealous haha). When I want something bad, he just says “that’s not very healthy for you” and I’m all like “damn you! I want that frickin ice cream” haha. So while I want to punch him for it, I appreciate that he’s trying to keep me on track. But there are certain things he hasn’t come around to yet…thin crust pizza is one. He doesn’t mind thin crust but he and I both know that he could eat the entire pizza by himself so even if I ate 2 slices, he would still be hungry afterwards. I can’t fault him for somehow being able to eat as much as he does. But it does drive me nuts that he has never known what it’s like to have to watch what you eat, count calories, worry about your weight, etc.
I would just tell your Fiance that this is a lifestyle not a diet and you really need him to support you. You will both have to make sacrifices. Example: you can get pizza but it should be thin crust, you can get ice cream but maybe get frozen yogurt, he can eat all the unhealthy food he wants (even though it’s not good for his health regardless if he gains weight or not) but he needs to support your decision to eat healthy and stop trying to force crap food on you!
Post # 9
My FH thinks that if nobody cringes when they see his body lying in the casket, he hasn’t lived a full life. I think it’s perfectly possible to live a full life while being healthy, but of course I’m taking everything way too seriously. siiiiigh. He’s also 5’8 and 150 lbs. He also needs to work out, but honestly I think it would go better if he’d let me cook SOMETHING for him. He doesn’t like fruit either, but will drink juice and can tolerate apples. Maybe if I told him it would help him with his workouts and gaining weight…? Because I found it easier to keep my weight up when I was eating healthier… in college. -.-
Post # 10
Dh and I eat separately. I HATE to cook, so unless it’s my weekly pre planned splurge day and we go out, to each his own.
He also likes to have dinner late in the evening, which I just can’t do. For so many years, I’ve been eating a very small, low cal quasi snack early for my last food of the day that now I literally can’t eat at night.
Dh eats less healthily than I would like, tho not really horribly. No fast food, but he needs more veggies. I am not the Food Police, however, so I try to keep my mouth shut about it. He will eat salad when we go out.
I can’t change his food behavior and refuse to change mine, so we just do our own food things. I realize this won’t work for everyone but it works well for us. Probably because we each lived alone a long time before we got married.
Post # 11
tell him that if you don’t control what you eat you are going to get super fat, and you like the way you look and feel right now and apreciate your body enough no to kill it with junk food. When you guy wants to eat out let him go to wherever he wants and grab something else for you.
I always do this with my bf, I don’t eat meat he does, so many time we can’t eat the same. When we go to the mall he runs for the burguers and I go get a soup and a salad instead, or sometimes a quiche or something I like. Don’t let him drag you to fat world.
AAAnd he will eventually start to gain weigh, just wait and see 😛
Post # 12
Fiance and I have completely different metabolisms.. He can eat whatever he wants and never gains a pound. He does try to eat healthy, but he’s the guy who will finish dinner and then 20 minutes later he’s having a bowl of chips.
Im the total opposite, I’ve struggled with my weight since I was little.. A few years ago I lost 50+ pounds and he was biggest supporter. I kind of out him in the role of “weight loss coach” and he really appreciated it. He encourages me, supports me, and doesn’t ever try to get me to eat food I’m not supposed to have. In fact, when we are out, he will ask for food with no oil or whatever if I’m to shy to speak up. He loves me no matter what, but he knows I’m the happiest when I’m thinner and healthy, so he always encourages me to stict with my program.
Maybe just explain to your man that YOU feel good when you watch what you eat, and it’s better for everyone if you feel good. Maybe put him in a position where he encourages you and supports you.
Post # 13
@MrsBeck: Over the course of our relationship, I managed to go from a size 6 (where I should be from my BMI) to a 16 (really an 18 at the bitter end) because of all the eating out/restaurant dates and the way my unhealthy guy cooked. But damn if I wasn’t in love and happy as a clam (with bacon).
We were engaged last May while one vacation in Disney, and I really hated the pictures/videos I saw after the trip…but it really took me until late January this year to get it together (not before one last epic food bender over the holidays). In late January I was no longer happy as a clam and really, really ready to make a change.
I joined Weight Watchers Online (no meetings) and have lost 25 lbs and 3 sizes since starting. My Fiance has been supportive, but maybe that’s because I’m doing almost all the cooking and the healthy food actually tastes GOOD and is FILLING. That said, I had to do this for myself and he understood that. If your Fiance doesn’t, that isn’t cool.
Of course, my Fiance, by default of eating what I make, has also lost some weight/sizes and is feeling great now too, and although he’s not on WW, he’s excited when I send him a new WW recipe, and will make healthy suggestions too. The best is when he says, “Let’s go out to XYZ restaurant, I looked online and the have fish and salads and chicken that you can order on your plan!”