Post # 1
FI and I currently live together in NYC.
The head of his company’s office in Boston just quit. His company is asking him to consider a temporary (6 month or so) transfer to Boston.
Basically he’d commute there for the week and come home on weekends.
Has anyone ever done something like this with their SO?
We’ve been living together 3 years and I’m used to him taking business trips, but I’m not sure how I’d handle him only being around on weekend (especially since it’d be in the height of planning our wedding).
I want to support him in his career, but I also worry that this might be bad for our relationship.
I’d love to hear about others experiences with this.
Post # 3
On a positive note, it’s only 6 months. I actually know quite a few couples who have work schedules like this, though, and it seems to work just fine for them!
Post # 4
My husband and I were separated for two years while I was in NYC and he was in Nashville. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy… but we got through it just fine. And we only saw each other about once a month so you’re way ahead of us. I think you should do it in the interest of his career. And honestly, with all the wedding planning you’ll be doing 6 months will FLY by!
Post # 5
Luckily it is two cities that are fairly close together. The train runs between Boston and NYC.
I’m sorry. I’m sure this sucks. I know it’s not the same but every other week but FI works the overnight shift and I see him for exactly 45 minutes in the morning between when he gets home and when I leave. So for a week straight, I only see him 45 min a day.
Thank God for the internet. You two can still email pictures of wedding items back and forth.
Again, I’m sorry because I know it’s not fun 🙁
Post # 6
@ejs4y8: Normally I’d think it’d be fine. Because we could trade weekends (i.e. I’d go up to him, and he’d come down to me).
I’m just worried with the added stress of wedding planning it might be bad, especially since he likes being involved in the planning.
We did a year of long distance when I was still in college, but this feels different.
Post # 7
it’s temporary! i would go for it as long as they pay for his housing in boston. fi and i haven’t personally done this yet, but the opportunity for me to go on a detail away for 3-6 months is a real possibility. i would jump at the chance — it would definitely be difficult for me to be away so much, but at the same time i think we would value our weekends together even more. and it would be a great career move.
Post # 8
@kitzy: I’m just worried that temporary will morph into permanent/get continually extended.
Post # 9
My husband works out of state 6 months a year, every year. He only gets to come home maybe twice over those 6 months, and I fly to see him 3-4 times.
It sucks for sure. He missed a lot of our wedding planning (He left in March, and got home mid-September) since our wedding was in December.
BUT, that being said – we are an amazingly happy couple, and we just do it. We stay connected by talking on the phone, Skype, writing letters, emails, sending each other gifts, etc.
Honestly, when he is home, I appreciate him so, so much more and value our time together.
You can do it girl!
Post # 10
I would just take it a day at a time. Just look at it as a 6 month thing for now but if later on it seems like things are going well there and they want him to move there, consider if he should look for a new job where you live or if you want to look for a job where he is or whatever other decision you make.
It sounds like it is good for his career and isn’t too long for right now.
Post # 11
I know we can do it, I guess just a small part of me is being selfish and doesn’t want him to go.
I also know a lot of his close friends just moved to NYC and he’ll be sad to be away from them too.
I’m hoping he can get more information about the position and what kind of opportunity it is.
They would pay for his housing as well as transportation back to NYC.
Also, we may have to move in May/June and I don’t want to have to orchestrate that all by myself (I have NO idea how one would go about moving his fish tank!)
Post # 12
@KatNYC2011: If it does turn into that would you be willing to move to Boston? If not, he needs to be upfront with the company about the fact that it’s not an option for this position to go permanent. It would be more damaging to his career to waste the company’s time by going up to Boston, becoming part of the flow of business in the office up there, but then being unwilling to stay on long term.
Post # 13
Oooo gotcha with the wedding planning. Email/skype, or assign individual tasks I guess?
Don’t worry about it getting extended until it does!
Post # 14
Before DH and I moved to NYC we lived in MI.. He was a consultant and was gone Monday – Thursday, home late Thursday or Friday morning and gone again Sunday night or Monday morning.. It was SUPER tough, but we made it through it.. It gets hard when he calls and is out with clients having fun and you’re home doing laundry or paying bills.. I was jealous because I wanted to be hanging out with him or because he was out having fun without me.. It also puts a damper on your weekends, I lost a few friends because I was always with him every weekend and didn’t make time for my friends anymore because when he’s gone Monday – Friday and all you want to do is spend Saturday & Sunday with him…
All you can do is see how it works for you guys, would he be able to do it on a trial basis without jeapordizing his career? I wish you luck and strength, it is not easy but it can be done. 🙂
Post # 15
@Moose1209: I probably would eventually, but not for at least another 2-3 years. I don’t know enough about Boston to be willing to making that kind of commitment now. Plus, it would be detrimental to my career to move to Boston.
Post # 16
@KatNYC2011: Haha, I totally understand. I had to move us to our new apartment two years ago in July without him. It sucked beyond words. Thankfully my parents came to help!