(Closed) FI might be depressed

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hey,

This is a tough situation and I’m sorry that you have to go through this, especially after you’ve dealt with this with your mother already.

Unfortunately, if your FI does not want to seek clinical help, there are two options for him:
1) it gets better with time if he decides to do something about it himself
2) it worsens and he finally decides to seek help.

Please do not try to be a therapist for him – it is not your role as a partner and only creates unhealthy habits in the couple. Be strong for you, continue to be the loving partner that you already are, offer him support. But you can’t do more than he is willing to do for himself, it will only drag you down.

He is probably exhausted from work, these are long hours he’s doing. If your schedule is easier, try to do a bit more than him in the house for a while so the chores left are less of a burden to him. Suggest relaxing activities that you can both do together.

If it doesn’t get better, ask him again to seek help.

Good luck..

Post # 4
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

This is a tough situation.  Have you talked to him about it?  Have you done any research on depression? Symptoms, etc?  I agree with egb don’t try to be his therapist, but by being informed yourself, then you will know better what to look for in him.  It’s tough when someone you love has a problem they won’t seek help for, but unfortunatley you can’t make him go see a therapist.  Can you try to schedule a mini-vacation?  Just to get him away from all the stress for a while?  Is there something he really enjoys doing, and hasn’t done in a while that you can surprise him with on a Saturday?  Hopefully things will get better soon.  *hugs* you and your FH will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Post # 6
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

*hugs* Mr. KM is under a ton of stress as well… unfortunately, we’re not strong enough to carry others full burdens no matter how hard we try. Don’t force him to talk to a therapist, but maybe get the names and backgrounds of some people in the are and give it to him. Maybe you taking those first steps will help him realize that he needs to do something. Or schedule out a time for the two of you to do something simple and yet out of the house. Taking a walk always makes Mr. KM feel the tiniest bit better no matter what mood he’s in.

Post # 9
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

If he’s depressed about concrete issues in his life (his job, dual tax situation, wedding planning stress, money), maybe you can work together to think of some solutions to those issues. I’m not saying you can fix everything, but maybe you can make it better.

For example, has he considered looking for a different job or going back to school? Even if it’s not an option now because of the economy, making plans for an eventual job or career change could give him something to look forward to.

If money is an issue, are you planning a bigger/more expensive wedding than he would like? Would it make him happier/less stressed to have a smaller and more simpler affair? Maybe he feels like he has to work hard at a job that’s not ideal so that you guys could save for the wedding, and it might not be worth it to him. Choose a time when he’s not in a bad mood to talk to him about it.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have worked with depressed people before. I have found that when they shut every solution that you have to offer, it’s often because they do not want a solution right now; no matter what you suggest, it will be no. You can tell him how YOU feel about seeing him this way and see if he’ll talk with you and if he’s willing to make some changes for him to feel better. Is the job situation permanent or is it just a phase?

I think that when you feel that negativity around you, you should decide what you want to do that day, and tell him: “I feel like doing this, do you want to come with me?” and if he says no, go and do it. It will keep you energized and far from the negative energy that can potentially pull you down. It’ll give him time to think also. Eventually, he’ll want to join you especially if it’s stuff that he usually enjoys.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

@ Valhalla – that’s actually why I wasn’t sure whether your FI’s moods were depression. My FI has depression in his family, and it’s definitely more a general unhappiness than what you describe.

I can definitely relate to how much long hours can ruin quality of life – I am working in investment banking right now, and during the worst times it’s like 1AM-2AM nights several nights in a row. It puts me in horrible moods for days. With the added stress of the wedding, it can be a recipe for disaster.

Hopefully this is all just temporary and related to wedding and his tax issues. I hope everything works out for you guys!

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