Fi might be incredibly lonely at our wedding. :( How can I help?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I went to a wedding like this once… you need to remember that your family is now his family. Hopefully he knows them and has some relationships there – he’s the groom so he will get attention and maybe if you have a brother or close cousin that he gets along with, you can encourage them to step up and be a buddy sorta guy for him?  You know, someone to drink with or whatever?  This might happen naturally.  The wedding I went to, the brother in law (husband of the sister of the bride) was the best man and did the welcome to the family.  It was really sweet and nice.  Hopefully your family is open to FI, you seem very concerned.  Of course he will be bummed, but he is also getting to marry you!

 

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had a similar situation, my fiance (now husband) is from Australia and but we live and are getting married in the US – where my family lives.

His mum isn’t in best of health, dad passed away long ago his siblings are scared across the globe (literally). We actually decided to have our wedding co-inside with his brother coming in for a week long visit – that way giving him one close family member at the wedding. 

He had only lived in the US about 2 years, but he had made some friends via work/business projects.  So I we were sure to invite them, funny though he wanted to invite them he insisted he would “hand deliver” the invites (which went out super late anyway) and when we are doing the table placements he asked where his “work” friends were – well they had not RSVP’ed so … Oh we then find out he had not actually given them the invites – he gave them the day before the wedding!!! (And they were nice enough to still RSVP with 24 hours notice)

Anyway, he had one table of work friends and then his brother and mutual friends. He had a wonderful time even without a big contingent of family there.  Just mix everyone up seating wise – afterall after your time together (save for the extended family you don’t see often) most of the people at your wedding should have been part of both of your lives.

Post # 5
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Do you have the resources to surprise your fi by flying out his best man? 

Maybe someone in the family has extra airline miles?

Post # 7
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Asia:  Yeah I’d say the most you can do is emphasize that it is okay for him to feel the way he feels. It sucks, but it is okay for him to accept it. It is normal to react that way when your favorite people can’t come to your wedding. 

When he is ready to accept that and then move on, I think the two of you could talk about your new family that you are becoming- both by combining your families but by creating a new one between the two of you! I hope the excitement of that can help him deal with his lack of family present. 

So sorry for him 🙁

Post # 8
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your family is his family now too… He is going to have a room full of people who love him. Keep reiterating that to him, It might make him feel better.

Post # 9
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

does he have any friends that could be invited now that so many in his family declined? how about using the money that you would have spent in those people who declined to fly the best man and his wife? is it a chance at all?

Post # 10
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

🙁 poor guy…That just breaks my heart…I would let him know how much you love him, how much fun he is going to have.

I wonder if you could live stream it on the internet so those who couldn’t make it can at least watch the ceremony? Maybe that will make him feel better! 

 

*hugs!* I know that’s rough watching him go through that! 

 

Post # 11
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Asia:  Yes, him being forgetful.  He had actually “mentioned” to people his wedding was coming up so I think he just assumed they had paid attention to the actual date. He talked about it at work saying he “was trying to plan a wedding” but they were jaw dropped when they found out the wedding was on XXXX. (They told me later they thought he meant the plans had to be finalized by such a date, not the actual event. lol.)

We did not have 6 months plus planning for our wedding btw. I was quite ready to go the courthouse route until the brother’s visit and timing – well it all just worked out to have a small (50 guest) wedding. We put it together in 2 months – no save the date notices or anything.

Anyway, since you know that some of his family is going to be no-shows and have the space – I would suggest inviting some of his work friends/associates. I wasn’t sure how that would turn out either, but it ended up all my husband’s work friends were quite honored to be invited to the event and it made it really special for him – I think it’s made things even better at work too. 

.

Post # 13
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My FI sounds a lot like yours. I foresaw something like that happening, and coupled with our anxiety issues, we decided to have a 20 person wedding. Now FI has more people attending than me! I hope everything turns out OK for you and maybe you have some guys in your family who will hang out with him also. My FI loves cars and so as long as there is someone around to talk about that with he is OK, haha. Plus, you two will be spending a lot of time together at the reception too right? Going around to see people as a couple?

Post # 15
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We only invited about 40 people and of those… husband has his parents, brother + wife, and…. two friends (+dates).  His godparents couldn’t make it, and his “best friend” also “couldn’t make it.” 

We all had a great time – we’re all family now!

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