Post # 1
MY Fiance and I have been together for a good amount of time however he rarerly if ever says I love you. The only times I can remember him saying it is when we were doing the deed (DTD.) I don’t mind saying it first but the times I do it just feels awkward because im the only one initiating outside of us DTD. I dont think I have heard him say it in the past three or four months. Is this concerning?
Post # 3
ummm…yeah. I’d say so. If he’s just that type of person and you know that and are okay with that, then it’s a different story. But obviously it’s something that bothers you. Y’all should have a chat and talk about how you feel, and how him not telling you how he feels makes you feel 🙂 Good Luck!
Post # 4
@explosyv1: Have you asked him about it?
How often do you say it to him?
If you say “I love you” does he say “I love you too”?
Does he show affection/love in other ways like romantic gestures?
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Have you told him you like to hear it? When he does say it, you make a big deal?
His parents might not have been very demonostrative or it might make him uncomfortable. Tell him that it’s important to you. Maybe he can try to adjust. 🙂
Post # 6
I’d tell him you need to hear it more often. Guys are not mind readers and he might think that you know he loves you and don’t need to hear it.
Post # 7
Have you talked to him about it? My Dad hardly ever says it to my Mom but he knows she’s okay with that. If she wanted him to say it more then she’d talk to him about it. He’s just not that type of guy. When my SO and I started saying we loved each other, I actually had a talk with him about how I would like to hear him say it when we say goodnight to each other on the phone, for example. Once he knew he always did after that.
Post # 8
Does he express his love for you in other ways? Does being with him make you feel like you are loved? There’s a book I’ve seen mentioned around here a lot (which I haven’t read) called the 5 Love Languages, that talks about the different ways of expressing love. But if you need to hear it from him I think you should talk about it.
Post # 9
Thank you all for your advice. I will definately talk with him about it and get the Five Love Languages book.
Post # 10
Mine doesnt say it a lot, because he claims his ‘actions show it more than words.’ uh, ok. haha. However, he doesnt say it DTD…I don’t know if I’d like it if he did that.
I could see how this would bother you…I’d suggest you talk about it and ask him why he doesnt say it except for during that time.
Post # 11
My husband doesn’t say it much, but he’s getting better about it after I talked to him about it and let me know that I like hearing it.
My husband is a lot like my dad in how he shows his love. Neither are the “mushy” types, they don’t write poetry or anything; but they both show they care by doing things.
My husband nonverbally says “I love you” by: scraping the ice off the car windshield in the winter, getting drenched in sweat digging holes so I can plant flowers in the summer heat, building/fixing stuff, going with me to dog shows (I show one of our dogs in AKC shows) even though he has zero interest, etc.
Post # 12
the men in my family never say I love you… but they are the greatest men I’ve ever met.
Love is just a word, people can say it and not mean it. However, if he acts as if he loves you and treats you great then that is what you need to focus on.
If it bothers you, bring it up…
Post # 13
I definetly could see why it could bother you and I think every woman should experience a cute fairytale story and be told I love you a lot. If you didnt care, you wouldnt have brought it up in the first place bt the fact that its bothering you- its a sign that shows that you would love for it to happen more often so yes talk to him- tell him how you feel. my Fiance has a hard time of being sweet so I would tell him after a long time of not hearing it, to tell me something sweet. ( sometimes he does or sometijmes he gets annoyed cuz he cant think on the spot. ouch much? lol) but atleast your letting your feelings known!
Dont forget – resentment GROWS. the longer you keep somthing to yourself, the more of a problem you wil make it one day that to him will seem very out of porportion adn your bein ” to dramatic” while in fact you just have been holding it to yourself for such a long time that your resentement grew and no longer can take it.
So say something!! (:
Post # 14
I have to second other PPs question: have you talked to him about this at all? Maybe he doesn’t realize that it bothers you!
Post # 15
I have never, ever, in my life, heard my parents say “I love you” to anyone. Not us kids and not each other. As a result, growing up I had a really, really hard time saying it and to this day I don’t even always “remember” to say it. Saying that, it’s not that my parents don’t love each other (they still cuddle on a couch 27 years into it) and it’s not that they dont love us kids (they show it all the time), it’s that THEY BOTH grew up in families that did not say “I love you” either.
I would say you should talk to him about it. An ex-bf of mine used to be upset because I only said it at the end of phone calls. He couldn’t figure it out because his mom tells him she loves him every time she sees him haha. Anyways, when he talked to me we had a serious conversation and I tried to “learn” when to say I love you. It takes effort, but several years and a soon-to-be Fiance later I am getting better and more comfortable saying it. Thank goodness though, my SO grew up in a household like me so it’s not so much an issue because we tend to show our love through action much more than words.
Post # 16
Definitely read The 5 Love Languages! This is a classic example of “speaking different love languages.”