Post # 1
Cut straight to the chase…
I view wedding rings as something that should be factored into a wedding budget. IE they should be a joint expense that is taken out of the budget. My fiance seems to think that his ring should be purchased by me, and that my ring should (have) been purchased by him.
I told him three different e-rings that I liked and he picked from there. Of course when I told him this stuff, we were just being childish and not seriously considering getting engaged (or at least I wasnt). He popped the question in Dec and had the most expensive ring on my list of 3. I love it.
For a wedding band, I really want a ring that has history to it, so Ive been looking at vintage and antique rings. Its difficult to find a ring at stores that are real VINTAGE and not just a replica, so I ordered 2 different rings so I could match them to my band and see if they were as beautiful in person as they looked online (no risk buys, 100% refund policy).
The second ring I got, my fiance said that I need to TRUST HIM that he’ll be able to find a ring that I’ll love and that he doesnt like to think of me having bought my own band. I told him that I would still want the band engraved, and he could always reimburse me if its a machismo money issue. He said that he wants to be able to surprise me, even though he knows i HATE surprises…he loves surprises. I want what I want. No need for surprises here.
Well the second ring has really grown on me and now I’m thinking about keeping it to use as my wedding band. I just love thinking about who had this ring in the past, and who else starred down at the ring with adornation. Honestly, the ceremony shouldnt even be focused around rings, but my FI is so materialistic, all the bands he keeps looking at are over 1K for himself only. He found a David Yurman band that he really likes in Sterling Silver for 1500, but he said that he deserves to have it in platinum because mine is platinum. Thats a whole other issue…..which i prolly shouldnt even delve into here.
My point…should I feel bad for taking this away from him (the chance to buy me a band he picked out)?
Post # 3
I picked out my own wedding band and FI didn’t care at all; IMO the guy’s job is done after he gets the engagement ring 🙂
Post # 4
@memmielee: I picked my e-ring and my wedding band, but FI paid for both (the budget was decided on together). He will be picking out his wedding band and I will be paying for that.
Post # 5
i agree with @Diamondgurl: i’ve aways thought after he picked the e-ring then you get the pick the band. Or at least go together to pick it.
Post # 6
We picked out our wedding bands when I chose my engagement ring. However, we both wanted plain, matching bands, so we chose the ones that matched my ring. What the hell kind of sterling silver ring is over 1k? My FI is getting a platinum band (from David Yurman, I might add) for $1200.
I am happier with small, daily surprises over huge ones, too. I love when he unexpectedly brings flowers… but I’d be pissed if he’d purchased my wedding set without my input. I like to be in on decisions of that size. Hopefully you can talk him down. I absolutely love your reasoning for choosing a vintage wedding band, by the way. It’s so romantic! Best of luck!
Post # 7
@memmielee: It’s going to sit on your finger forever and ever, so you should be able to pick it! I think you’re in the right, and he should let you pick what makes you most happy.
Post # 8
I picked for and paid for both my fiance’s and my wedding band. He has more bills than I do, and I wanted to do this for him/us, so he didn’t have to worry about paying for my wedding band on top of everything else.
@OP – I think you and I are similar. We seem to view things similarly, and if we have our minds set on something – we want to do it.
IMO, it shouldn’t be about who paid for what, it should be that both people (in the end) are happy.
Post # 9
@classical_wolf: I agree that it shouldnt be who paid for what. Been then I overheard my FI at the mall talking to strangers about their weddings and who paid for the brides dress. I paid for my dress, shoes, veil, accessories entirely by myself & am not even trying to factor it into the wedding budget. I knew what I wanted was going to be expensive, and I didnt think it was fair to try and say that was part of the wedding fund.
Maybe I should ask him why hes so curious as to how other ppl funded their weddings….
Post # 10
I noticed most people said keep the ring. I think you should consider that him having no say in the wedding ring maybe taken as an insult. I am not saying you have to get rid of ring. Talk to him and see what is the issue behind it. You can’t tell him what to do. Talk with him please. It seems his feelings are hurt. Maybe best to choose together.
Post # 11
@memmielee: I think you should both pick what you like for your selves. And maybe … add the costs of both wedding bands together and split it? That’s what my FI and I did.
Post # 12
Talking to him sounds like a good idea 🙂 I hope you guys can figure out what to do with the second ring ♥
Post # 13
This is a tricky one. It’s important to him to buy your wedding band; it’s important to you to have a band that you love, and you’ve found one that you love. I tend to operate like you, but I hope that you and your FI can have a productive discussion and come to a compromise. If you can afford it, keep the ring that you like and wear it as a RHR or as part of a stack with your e-ring and wedding band if you two decide to pursue another option for your wedding band.
Post # 14
I thought everyone was supposed to pick out their own wedding rings… this is news to me.
Post # 15
I think the wedding rings should be a joint decision and a purchase you make together. My husband and I wanted matching rings and it took awhile for us to find something we both liked. If we hadn’t gone matching, we would have each picked our own, but still made the decision together– you don’t want to wear a ring that your spouse thinks is hideous, or out of budget. If he wants to surprise you, maybe you can let him pick out the engraving and surprise you with that. At the most, maybe I would give him 2 or 3 options for the wedding band and let him pick, but honestly I think that’s weird. I don’t know of anyone who didn’t pick out their own wedding ring.
Post # 16
I think you guys should have come to a mutual decision about the purchase before moving forward.
I think any way a couple wants to do it is great – there is no “right way”, so long as you are in agreement.