FI not interested in helping plan

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, a lot of guys feel this way. It’s just not their thing. I remember being frustrated with hubby too during planning. But you know what? He appreciated how beautiful everything was in the end. Give him a pass and plan with your ladies. Most dudes don’t get the wedding thing. On the flip side I have a friend who’s guy had an opinion on everything. It was so annoying because   His ideas were lame. Her wedding was the ugliest worst wedding I ever attended. It could be worse! Lol

Post # 3
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Yeah, I’m going to go with the whole ‘most men don’t care at all’ thing.  I did the “honey what do you think of these two, do you prefer one over the other?” and that was fine.  He’s never going to care about stationary and flowers like you do.

The only thing my husband cared about was the food.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  lia22.
Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yup most of them are this way. it doesn’t mean they don’t want to get married, they just don’t care much for planning events or details. I guarantee that there will be SOMETHING he’s interested in. What he wears, the food, music. Something you can have him champion and research. 

Post # 5
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

FeliciaRene:  Fire him! No seriously, I was a little passive aggressive and purposefully started throwing out “serious” ideas and started “planning” for things that were WAAAAY out of our price range. That got his attention pretty quickly. That and “Honey Do” lists. Guys like lists.

Post # 7
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Mine is like that too, but I find it kinda cute that he is totally playing the “I want to be surprised” so that my feelings arent hurt because i think he doesnt care.

And I get it. Think about it this way… If he bought parts to a gun or a motor to build and was very excited; looking through catalogs for parts and manuals for instructions; and wanted me to be excited about it too…I’d be like “go for it honey, I’ll be upstairs watching Say Yes to the Dress”. Its just not what winds my clock and it doesn’t mean I don’t love him or don’t care, I’m just not as enthusiastic as he is.

Post # 8
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

He doesn’t care about flowers, and fancy paper for invites, and lighting etc., and that’s ok. He just cares about getting to marry you. It’s pretty normal for guys. If you really need him to get excited about something, find something he might enjoy handling, like the booze. DH loved being in charge of booze.

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

My FI wasn’t interested until we decided on what to do for our wedding that was actually something he was interested in. Now he’s actually excited about it.

Basically he had an idea of what he thought I wanted for a wedding and he wasn’t interested in that. Now that he knows what I actually want and that it’s something he wants too, he’s all about helping plan

Post # 10
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I think it pretty normal for guys to seem not fussed – honestly it could be worse – my FI likes helping me plan he been great with invites colours etc but he also has strange ideas like he decided to throw it out there how “fun” it would be to play a football (english) style game whilst we were having dinner! Table V Table!!! Honestly I nearly had heartfailure – at that point i had to reign him in and explain it was a wedding not a kids party lol.

Post # 11
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Consider yourself lucky. You will probably have very strong ideas about what you want to do, and you don’t have to worry about whether what you want clashes with what he wants.

Years ago, my brother broke off an engagement with a woman because during the wedding planning he discovered she was “set in her ways” and would not listen to his ideas about the wedding. I remember being shocked at the time because I thought it was normal for the bride to get her way at this time.

You have given him the opportunity to be involved, and he is not interested. Now do what you want.

Post # 12
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

FeliciaRene:  Forgive the redundance, but men just aren’t interested in planning weddings. My DH’s only input was what kind of liquor to serve. He didn’t see the venue until the actual reception. A marriage involves equal dedication from 2 people but let’s face it, the wedding is mostly about the bride 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3007 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

FeliciaRene:  congratulations! It’s a boy!  In all seriousness, it’s normal. My DH was only interested in a handful of things (food, final colors) and that was ok because of my personality type. If you want input from him, ask him to be the decision maker when you can’t choose or just ask him to go along to the final florist appt. Things like that. DH got very vocal at the florist. Surprise! He cared about the flowers. 

Post # 14
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have happily planned it all. My FI wasn’t interested. He just wants to be married. I really, really don’t mind. As long as he’s up front about it, most blokey guys are not that into it. Enjoy the planning. Do it with your mum or some girlfriends. I’m doing most of it with MOH

Post # 15
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m going to disagree with just about everyone. If you aren’t happy planning on your own (I wouldn’t be) he needs to step up. I didnt know anything about planning a wedding before we got engaged, but it’s not hard to learn. Men are perfectly capable of that. I also want the wedding to reflect both of us, not just my “vision” so I’ve been happy to compromise when we disagree.

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