(Closed) FI not wanting to register for things

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I knew my fiancé would react like that (a lot of guys do, let’s face it!) so after hearing other horror stories, I just asked him if there were any special items he wanted to register for and left it at that. I finished all of our registries without him. He knows that kind of stuff matters much more to me than to him, so he had no problem with it. He could care less about throw pillows. 🙂 We’re both happy with the way things worked out, and he was thrilled to get his little donut maker (which I never would have registered for without his input, lol!)

Post # 4
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That doesn’t sound very fun.  It sounds like your FI might be uncomfortable asking for gifts in general or maybe has different ideas of what should be on a registry.  Maybe you could each pick a certain number of items on your own to add to the registry, and then use one of the registry checklists you can find online to fill out the rest?

Post # 5
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@melitabonita:  i have nothing useful to say except that a garlic press is necessary. its such a small thing but it makes cooking soo much easier

the point of registering is to get the things that you need if people want to get a gift. i see where youre coming from!

Post # 6
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I felt very uncomfortable registering, because it’s rude to ask for gifts, period.  So we didn’t register.

Please don’t put registry info on your STD or invitation.  It’s very gauche.

Post # 7
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It seems as though, like PPs said, your FI is a little uncomfortable asking for gifts. I think, especially with regards to the garlic press, that you should explain to him that you should have X amount of gifts from each price range, so that there are options for the guests who can’t spend as much as others. One thing I did when we were just getting started with registering was show my FI a recommended list of everything to register for, and we went through it and crossed off things we already had or didn’t want or need. So that way he was more comfortable with the whole idea. We ended up having so much fun registering together, and by the end he was kinda into it! Hopefully your FI will get there too. 

Post # 8
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Some people really aren’t registry people!

Like I did NOT want to register! But FI said “You’re not taking this experience from me”, so we did the registry thing!

Maybe it would be easier on him if he were only really involved in the big ticket items (dish/china patterns and silverware)

Post # 9
Member
7239 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@oneofthesethings:  The OP specifically said she is putting it on the website, so no need to tell her what is appropriate- she seems to have it handled.

 

@melitabonita:  Have you tried explaining to him that people are going to bring gifts even if you don’t register? If you don’t have enough things for them to choose from, they are going to give you things you DON’T want and REALLY have no use for. Better to register for a football you’ll use and enjoy than get a crystal swan with your names engraved on it that you can’t return and will collect dust. 

Post # 10
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@MexiPino:  Ah yes.  I misread.  Carry on.  I still think registering is gift-grabby.

Post # 11
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My FI felt that registering was like asking for gifts even when we could afford to buy these things ourselves. We already live together and have most of a home set up but are missing a few things. Most of what we do have was given to us because someone got a new one. I explained to him that it’s not asking for gifts but it is a courtesy for your guests. Some will give gift cards or cash but some will buy a gift and they appreciate a direction to go in like what colors are in your bathroom or kitchen so they aren’t shopping blind. It is also a good time to upgrade/replace your old items and have things in your home that are both of yours together and not his dishes or her microwave. I have also taken to managing our registry on my own (while taking his opinion into consideration) and there has been a lot less resistance.

Post # 12
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MexiPino:  I agree with people bringing gifts regardless. And people will call and try to find out where you’r registered and if you don’t they’ll say..”oh…ok….”. We registered at 3 places and I thought we registered for a good # of things but now i’m being told we need to ask for more. I’ve put my foot down at registering for crap we don’t need.

Post # 14
Member
7239 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@caits615:  Yeah… it’s a hard balance. I wonder if there’s some magic number you’re supposed to register for. Like the number of gifts should be 80% of the number of households you invited? I mean.. our list is about 180 people/70 invites. So do we register for over 50 things?! We’re grown-ass people who cook and clean and have furniture! We will NEVER use fancy china or crystal. What 50 things could we possibly need?

Post # 16
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@melitabonita: 

 

Maybe you could tell your parents and close friends the items you’d really like so that they can disseminate the word to anyone who asks them what the two of you need/want? This way you don’t have to register but your guests will have some idea of the things that you’d like. Plus, you can always exchange gifts if you end up getting any duplicates.

 

 

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