- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
FI is Jewish – in the sense that he had a bar mitzvah and went to temple on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah when he was younger. Since college, I think MAYBE he’s gone to services once..if that. He doesn’t celebrate Hannukah or Passover. On a personal level, he has told me that he doesn’t even really believe in God. His parents are pretty much the same way.
I was raised Catholic, but would consider myself agnostic at this point. My family is not religious at all, really.
So, this weekend, we were having dinner with FI’s parents and his mom brought up having a Jewish wedding (incorporating traditions like stepping on the glass, having a Chuppah, incorporating Jewish readings into the ceremony, etc.). As FI and I are both not religious at all, I kind of laughed it off and said something like “Oh, well we’re not going to have a religious ceremony.”
Driving home, he told me that it’s important to him to have a Jewish wedding. WHAT!!??! I was completely and totally caught off guard.
I didn’t want to fight, so we decided to talk about it later, but the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am with the whole thing. It’s not because I have any issue with the Jewish faith, but it just seems odd to incorporate traditions and readings into OUR wedding, when they literally have no meaning to me whatsoever.
Furthermore, I don’t want a religious ceremony AT ALL. It’s not like I want to have a priest and a mass and am being unfair to his heritage, I just don’t want religion involved in our wedding. It isn’t us, and the fact that he’s now all of a sudden acting like this is really important to me is throwing me off.
And, to top things off, he didn’t even KNOW these traditions (the chuppah and glass breaking, specifically) EXISTED until this weekend when his mom brought it up, so it’s not like these are really meaningful, important things to him. Honestly, this is all coming out of left field.
I know religion is a sensitive topic and it’s not like we haven’t talked about religion before. We have, and in all of those conversations, we decided that we would expose our future children to all of our traditions, but that we wouldn’t raise our children in any specific religion. Mostly because we’re not religious ourselves.
I feel like no matter what, his mom is going to try to pressure us into having SOMETHING in the wedding, and I am willing to perhaps have a chuppah, but I think that’s all I’m comfortable with. When I suggested that, FI still didn’t seem satisfied.
So, Bees, am I overreacting? Do I have a right to feel uncomfortable about all of this? Do I have a right to insist that we don’t have a Jewish wedding? Or do I just let this happen, no matter how it makes me feel?
Sorry for the long post!