(Closed) FI participating in wedding planning?

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

My FI had a say in (and wanted to say in) all the “major” stuff (location, big vendors, etc), but I’m pretty much the one handling all the minor details.

Post # 4
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

I think it depends on you and your fi.  If planning a wedding together is important to you, make that known.  Mr. Socks has participated in every appointment, but usually doesn’t do the research & doesn’t send emails to our vendors like I do.  I think finding a happy balance is key…try to involve him in as much as possible, but if he drags his feet on some things, then take charge of it yourself, lol!

Post # 5
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

yeah…DH originally ‘said’ he wanted to be involved in every aspect of wedding planning because he didn’t want to be like other men and just sit back, but when it came to the ‘actual’ planning he didn’t do anything…when i thought he could help out, I included him, and when I picked out vendors I told him which ones we were using and whyand we went to go see them and he talked to everyone of them before the wedding…other than that, he really didn’t care…

Post # 6
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance was involved in a lot of the major decisions – venue, photographer, food, rehearsal dinner, officiant, etc.  He is also “the one in charge of” the dj and music.  I’m doing all the design work because I’m a graphic designer so that just made sense.  I ask his opinion the design stuff though as well as the decorations.

My personal opinion is that 8 appointments in one day is A LOT!  But, if you don’t live where the wedding is and don’t want to have to make multiple trips out there then I can see why you would jam pack a lot of appointment into the weekend.  I say, just ask him what decisions he wants to be involved in go from there.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It was important that my FI and I are both involved because we are the ones paying for it. So he is always involved and although I know he doesn’t want his life to revolve around wedding plans, we definitely talk about our wedding at least once a day.

Post # 9
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My FH was really involved in the venue selection (in fact, he persuaded me!), but since then his involvement has kind of dwindled. Whenever I come across an idea or vendor that I like, I show him and ask for his opinion, but he hasn’t volunteered himself like he did at the beginning. I think it is because the part that was really important to him (venue) is out of the way and locked up. I know for women, myself included, every little detail is important, but most guys don’t see things that way at all. They want the necessities and past that point most of them really could care less.

I would say just leave it up to your FH. Let him be as active as he wants to be, and I think he will choose to participate in the aspects that are most important to him. Ask him what parts of planning (food, venue, photos) are most important to him, and try to include him as much as possible in those areas. Other than that, if he doesn’t want to be directly involved, run your ideas by him to get an OK. Or just ask him directly… “do you have any ideas for xxxx?”. He might surprise you.

Most of all don’t be offended if his participation isn’t as enthusiastic as yours. Most men just aren’t wired that way 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My FI was unemployed for a long time when we first got engaged. At the beginning of our planning, he was all over it – he was like my own little wedding planner! It was great. Meeting with a possible florist at 2pm on a Wed? No problem! LOL 

I’m lucky though – he’s really excited about it and wants to be part of everything. The only thing I’ve done without him so far is dress shopping and a couple things for the bridesmaids. If I were to be honest – I’d say HE should be on these boards. He might be more involved with planning than I am. LOL

Post # 11
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FI gets overloaded with wedding related questions. I want his imput, just like you want your FI’s, but sometimes I think (some? most?) guys have a threshold of what they can handle. Could be that he has so many decisions to make throughout his work day or the fact that he didn’t grow up with sisters or any oober girliness so I think it’s mostly due to a comfort level than just not caring. I wouldn’t take it personally or feel like it’s just your wedding. I’m sure he just wants you to be happy and if you are happy, he will be too. I think they just want to please at the end of the day. To spare yourself the tuned out FI, I’d limit what vendors he meets with to half (reception site and photog would be the ones I think matter the most). Maybe have your mom, a good friend or BM attend the rest of the meetings with you so you still have support. Good luck with your busy weekend, I’m sure you can accomplish everything you want (8 sounds doable over 2 days), just don’t overload yourself —> making you more stressed 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Mine said “Whatever you want” – so I’m doing whatever I want. I think it’s easier not to have to explain why we need X Y or Z. He just wants to get married – he doesn’t care much about the party so long as we have food. So I get to plan whatever I like and ask him for input if needed.

Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ours is pretty egalitarian.  I’ve done a majority of the research on line regarding venues and vendors so that we only have to meet with one or two.  FI typically works 60-80 hours a week, so he likes to be home on the weekends.

I’ve also found other ways to keep him involved.  He’s fully in charge of the favors (Because he wants something super involved) and what the guys wear.  He also has full veto power over the more frilly stuff (invitations, programs ect.). 

It feels pretty equal.

11 appointments might be a bit much.  Are they all venues?  Is there a way to narrow the search down a little bit?

Post # 15
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

That’s great though that he wants to be involved!  I can’t tell you how many weekends we spent looking at venues when we could have been doing other activities, but they were kind of fun in and of themselves–it made getting to the details so much more fun!

Good for you two–I’m glad you’ll plan together!

Post # 16
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

He’s pretty involved with decisions, but not the research.  He likes me to bring a couple options of whatever it is that we’re doing to the table and we discuss/decide together.  Everything has been a mutual decision – except my dress, of course.

The topic ‘FI participating in wedding planning?’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors