Post # 1
Normally facebook doesn’t bother me and I don’t check it often, but I do always get emails when FI updates something so I can see it. For the past few months he’s been posting strange status updates that are misleading people. They are often poems, movie quotes, or song lyrics but they are not coming across in a positive “oh, its just a song” way. For example:
“What have I done?
What have I done?
How could I be so blind?
All is lost, where was I?
Spoiled all, spoiled all
Everything’s gone all wrong
What have I done? “
“I think it’s time, high time, you cleaned up your act.”
“I was never angry with you, I was sad because I was afraid, you’d lost your way.”
These three are just from the past month. In the comments (and through messages that he allows me to read) people are thinking that these are aimed at myself. In the first one they assumed that we split up and I actually got some messages asking me if I was okay and needed a place to stay, the second two resulted in people thinking I was making his life a living hell or something.
My family and friends see these status updates and they are of course concerned whenever they see stuff like this, they assume something is wrong and I am just putting on a brave face. I am also concerned that his friends/family are seeing this stuff and also assuming it is about me which is tarnishing their opinions of me.
I have asked him to stop being so vague about them and he needs to be clear about the context he is posting in. He doesn’t think there is a problem… here is his reasonings for the above 3 posts:
1. He heard those lyrics in the credits of a show and wanted to post them
2. He was sending a message to a celebrity who was behaving badly
3. Same as #2
I told him that he should’ve specified if he was quoting a song or if he was directing a message towards a celebrity but he again feels that it is spoiling the updates since they aren’t as mysterious. He thinks it is funny that people think they are about me and doesn’t see that people are taking this stuff seriously. Any suggestions on how I can convince him to tweak his style?
Post # 3
My apologies for the large spaces, tried editing but it just keeps on putting them back in for some reason.
Post # 4
@WeddingBells2014: I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but I think he’s being a moron. He’s aware that he’s making you look bad with those posts, but won’t stop putting them up.
Post # 5
@WeddingBells2014: that would bug me simply because when people post updates like that it really annoys me. The good news is that rational people understand that Facebook is full of cryptic or passive aggresive status updates and don’t read too much into it.
Post # 6
Lyric statuses annoy me, but I’m surprised people who see them take them seriously. That would bother me too.
I would sit down with him and tell him that if he wants to post things like that, to pick ones that likily wouldn’t affect you.
Post # 7
How old is he? Not to be harsh but he sounds like a kid. In my experience grown men don’t behave like this (esp caring so much about a celebrity… feeling “sad” about them and so on). Which celebrity is it? Miley Cyrus? Lady Gaga? Something’s not right.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
This would bug me too, because I hate passive agressive and vague statuses! There’s no need to leave out important information like that – I find people often do it when they need attention.
Post # 9
@Mrs_Amanda: The problem is that people are reading into them and taking them pretty seriously. After 1 or 2 they all of course just passed them off but after repeatedly cryptic posts about things that could very well be about me/us people started reaching out – and then assumed I was lying when I tried to explain it had nothing to do with me at all.
@AB Bride: The thing is with his lyric postings that they are never of popular songs, you literally have to google the words to actually figure out if he has just copied it from somewhere. They are also always so mysterious and sometimes dark. I have sat down with him and even told him to run them by me first but he apparently doesn’t see how any of those postings affect me.
@Magdalena: He is in his mid-20’s which is why people are taking his postings seriously and not assuming it is like a teenager spitting out random posts, they assume there is a thoughtful meaning behind each one. One of them is about Miley Cyrus I think… I can’t imagine what motivated him to actually go out of his way to post about her… I don’t think he actually cares but is just trying to get attention or something.
Post # 10
Sending a message to a celebrity who was Behaving badly? That is just weird! Like schizophrenic type weird!
Post # 11
@WeddingBells2014: You could just spoil it for him, start commenting with a link to the song or something.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
that is annoying as fuck! My husband doesn’t have facebook, but I think if I were in your shoes, I’d try to make him understand that it’s not funny – it’s actually really embarassing and makes you feel humiliated that a lot of people think you’re being an evil witch and/or breaking up. My guy has occasionally done something that reflects poorly on me without realizing it, and he has always totally understood and stopped when I show him that perspective. Even if he kind of disagrees about the seriousness of it, he’ll still stop when it’s clear that it’s serious to ME.
Post # 13
@WeddingBells2014: You know who posts statuses like that? My teenaged cousin. I find it incredibly annoying but I cut her some slack because she’s 14. I can’t imagine marrying a guy in his 20s who thinks that’s cool.
Post # 14
@AB Bride: +1.
He sounds like an attention h00r. Nip his “mysterious” posts by taking the mystery out of them.
Post # 15
@AB Bride: I’ve been thinking about doing stuff like that. Since I get a phone update whenever he updates I’ve been considering going in and making a specific comment either revealing what it is about or clarify to all viewers that it isn’t about me… it is the only thing I can think of if he is unwilling to stop. I am even considering calling his grandmother (who has facebook) to give him a call and explain to him how these are coming across as she has messaged me personally about them.
@lolot: Usually he has been good in the past with correcting things that are serious issues for me but sometimes he gets hung up on the concept that I am somehow trying to control him and won’t let him be himself (thanks to his friends insights).
Post # 16
@Magdalena: +1 this is very attention seeking behavior and would drive me crazy coming from a grown man. The only people I know who do things like this on Facebook are in middle or high school!