wow – is your FI my DH’s evil twin?????? seriously – that sounds EXACTLY down to details EXACTLY like the type of argument we’ve had in the past. In fact, the only thing we’ve EVER fought about is the fact that he’s a freakin’ super-neat freak and while I like to keep things neat and clean, I am a clutterbug…and so – he has it in his mind that I’m a slob – all because I don’t clean up after myself the SECOND I’m done with something.
I have NO problem leaving dishes in the sink – but omg, the second dinner’s done – he’s in the kitchen cleaning up and putting things away. I’d rather leave them for a few hours until i’m ready to clean up.
it’s gotten a LOT better and I almost have to force myself to clean up sometimes just so I don’t hear it from him – but sometimes I don’t feel like cleaning up until later! damnit!
to me – with my situation – I actually stopped doing things for a while mainly because I was sick TRYING to do stuff only to have him turn around and literally say “hey you missed a spot”…a couple of months ago – he did this and I let loose. I’m usually not one to use the tears…but I had cleaned up everything after dinner – put everything in the sink into the dishwasher and there was no clutter on the counters. BUT I didn’t (omg) I didn’t wipe down the stove and countertops with clorox. I was in the living room and he went into the kitchen and started saying cleaning and saying “god, how can you leave such a mess?” I was pissed – as I’d just cleaned up! (or so I thought…) So yeah – I started screaming and crying and told him “you HAVE to stop calling me a slob. just because i’m not the super-clean freak like you who has a rag and clorox in my hand 24 hours a day does NOT mean that I’m a slob! and why do you think I don’t do the laundry? because when I try to – you always say ‘you didn’t fold my clothes right’ so I just let you do it cuz I don’t wanna hear it!!!”
course, his thing was that he hated feeling like HE was the one always doing the “womanly chores” around the house (cleaning, cooking, dishes, laundry)…whereas I just knew that he was stubborn and like things done HIS way so i decided, fine – let HIM do things HIS way…(and yeah i told him that during said fight).
yeah – one of the only fights we’ve ever been in – but it sucked. of course he had his retorts to me – but we settled on a few things. I told him “sometimes you just have to suck it up and say “ok, this is how she is – I have to accept it”” It’s not like I track mud in and leave clothes everywhere and leave dirty dishes in the sink for weeks on end or leave trash on the floor (I used to live with a roommate who was like that)…but I also do NOT feel like everything has to be super clean 24/7.
After he realized how I really truly felt – and we hashed it out that night – things got better.
we decided to split chores. things I absolutely HATE doing – and things I knew he was stubborn and liked doing HIS way – he’d do. such as laundry and the floors (we have all wood floors in our house). And – since I am a low-carb eater and cooking is actually becoming a hobby of mine – the kitchen is “mine” perse…meaning I cook – I do the dishes (although he’ll still do them if I don’t get to them fast enough, lol)…
it’s not perfect – but it’s a LOT better. we both decided / understood what we needed to work on. I needed to be a bit more pro-active in doing the “womanly chores” around the house – and he needed to quit being so damn up-tight and just let some things sorta “go with the flow” and not get pissy if I “missed a spot”…
but yeah – I TOTALLY LITERALLY understand EXACTLY how you are feeling right now. 🙁
I also told him I DO these things – he just doesn’t SEE it…so he really worked on trying to see when i do things…course his response was “I shouldn’t have to look, you should just do these things” – yeah but when the argument is about the fact that you don’t SEE it when i DO – THAT’S the issue! no, i don’t need praise like I’m a child when I clean up – but at the same time, don’t ONLY focus on the times that I’m NOT cleaning up.
I’m not sure exactly what advice I can give you, since you said he just won’t listen…somehow you have to MAKE him listen and see YOUR side of things – but believe me, I understand how stubborn men can be.
I’m NOT by ANY means telling you to turn on the water works, but that is what worked for me – he knows i’m not usually a cryer, but man I was just pissed that night and it worked. lol.
only thing I could say is – when you are both in a “normal” mood – sit down and seriously talk about it. If you can’t talk about these things and figure them out then, I apologize but I don’t know.
I really wish you luck!!!!! and I hope you feel better!!