Fi said he will leave me

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

To be honest if my FI vowed to never drink again, and then later said “oh well I’m gonna partake a little cause I think I can handle it now” I’d probably have the same reaction as your FI. You’re basically going back on your word to him over alcohol.

But I also come from a family of alcoholics so I am sensitive to this issue

Post # 5
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC

ruphiolis:  If you agree to these things, then that is your say.

In your post you say you are the one who told him to leave you if you drink. You can not win on this one.

Post # 7
Member
6869 posts
Busy Beekeeper

 The unfortunate truth is, FI  can decide that he doesn’t want to get married for whatever reason he wants, major or minor, whether you are OK with it or not. Even if the only  reason is that he’s not sure he wants to take the risk. 

Post # 8
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

ruphiolis:  The sex thing to me is a separate issue and I personally don’t see how they’re related. You made a promise to him and now you want to go back on it, and that is your right but he has every right to be upset with you about it. “I can handle it” and “I dont need it, I want it” and “I can stop whenever I want” and “I’m an adult I can make my own choices” frankly are regular excuses of alcoholics. 

It kind of sounds to me like you are more discovering your personalities arent compatible and are looking for reasons to break up. 

Post # 9
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC

ruphiolis:  But, as PP said, he can change his mind whenever he wants and you gave him permission to leave if you do.

Post # 9
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is a major red flag, and seriously controlling behaviour. Threatening to leave you over a single drink – those are not the words of a man who loves you.

EDIT: As for her previous words that said he could leave – I’m willing to bet they were said under duress when her FI freaked out over her drinking. OP should be allowed to change her mind, and her FI should be able to discuss it like an adult.

Post # 13
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

ruphiolis:  You’re caving now though for what reason? Just because you feel like it? Seriously?

I’m not labeling you as an alcoholic, but you’re certainly making yourself sound like one.

Post # 15
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It would be difficult for me to say that I agree that he isn’t concerned with your health at all, especially when you’ve said that you should not / cannot be drinking because of health concerns. It does make sense that he would change his mind on your drinking habits if a health issue came up that would be exacerbated by alcohol. Plus, why would you want to be drinking if you ‘frankly cannot drink it right now’ due to health?

I also can’t imagine that it’s only because of the alcohol topic that your FI would put such an ultimatum down, especially given your past posts. Perhaps there’s a bigger issue that is being worsened by the alcohol issue? A truthful and thorough discussion between you and your FI is probably a good idea. 

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