- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
I’ve been hoping and hoping this wasn’t coming, but FI has been enduring serious abuse at work – his older, female supervisor has even physically assaulted him (simple assault, but you don’t grab people and shove them around in the office), and she is still employed and plotting to have him removed without paying him for a software interface he developed for her. He is grossly underpaid, but had been promised a raise with the completion of his degree, and potential for growth, which has not come. Jobs are scarce in our area, and this whole mess has made him so depressed he worries he will not be able to function in a typical office again, especially not any time soon. He has taken his case through all channels he can, but has not found an ear to hear him, and has even seen the boss protected from accusations of wrong doing, while she has lied about him and his performance to create the aura of “victim” around her. And because she is an older woman, people excuse it.
Of course, on top of normal concerns about bills and “will we make it”, I am finding myself selfishly sad at the further postponement of any wedding planning. He does not want a JP, and neither do I, no family on my side at all (orphan), and his is not affluent, and we’ve actually been trying to figure out how to help THEM, so any ideas of any sort of simple, outdoor wedding is not going to happen for a long time, now. I make a bit more than he does (been in the workforce longer), but we’ve really needed his salary to help us do more than tread water. I am scared to lose our house from not being able to keep up with taxes, we just, finally after years together, managed to acquire a 2nd car, and see that having to be sold and have the insurance cut to save money. Every time I feel things are going to improve, be okay, something terrible happens. Adding to this, Fi’s brother and sister in law, both of whom worked at the same restaurant through college to now, had to quit over a final straw with their manager. So if FI loses his job, his brother in law and I will be the only people in the family employed. That scares me. Just when I was allowing myself to think we could save 4K for a cheap “wedding moon” in Jamaica over the next two years, our gift to ourselves to have a nice “real” wedding and an actual trip (we’ve never gone anywhere – just small trips driving distance from home once a year, money permitting, now we have to worry if we’re going to have to move in with his folks in another town with even fewer jobs. I feel like a fool for thinking something nice within reach, and apparently wanted more than I am supposed to have. Vacations, weddings and trips are for everyone else. Not us.
Sorry, very upset, tired of having no one to talk to about this – hate bothering friends, and they have family and can’t understand my being alone. Wedding planning itself was a bit melancholy, as all my friends have moms and sisters and aunts, and tend to forget I’ve got none. FIs mom is a shut in, and does not leave the house, and balks that we don’t want to get married in her living room (so she doesn’t have to leave the house), so we’ve not even told her of the elopement plan, yet. And I think PMS is setting in, making everything 10 times worse. Sorry, I just needed a place to come so I can be strong when I get home for FI. He’s having the worst of it, and my concerns are silly compared to worrying your boss will lie to get you arrested, if you are “insubordinate” by daring to ask questions, or point out she needs to do part of her work before you can continue with yours. She’s on a crazy power trip, and none of the safeguards that are to protect employees help – instead they are being twisted to protect her.