- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
So, my FI little sister got married this summer. Approximately 6 weeks after their wedding, they got pregnant. We found out about three weeks ago. Her due date is two weeks before our destination wedding. FI was at thanksgiving dinner with his family (I was at work) and found out it was a planned pregnancy.
Now, before I start to sound all crazy bride, I don’t necessarily want someone to plan their life around MY wedding. Yet, I feel that they are younger (mid 20s) and it wouldn’t have killed their family dreams to wait a mere three months or so to start trying for a family to ensure they would be able to attend our wedding. I mean, FI and I would love to start trying for children after our wedding since I will be 30 but I am in my best friends wedding 3 months later so we are going to hold off in respect for her. Why didn’t my FI get the same respect from his sister? My FI only has one sibling (his sister) so I know it really hurts him to think that she will not be able to attend even if he is putting on the “I dont care” vibe in front of me.
Here is the flip side – she still thinks shes coming. A 16 hour car drive with a newborn probably under two weeks old. (Lets be honest, she’s a new mother. She will most likely go over her due date). I don’t think I would attempt that but I work in pediatrics so I have a different view on a lot of newborn topics. haha.
Here is my concern about her (and husband) coming with the baby:1. We are having a no children policy. We have FOUR other couples whos children will be between the ages of 4 weeks – 6 months and they are not bringing their children. So it wouldn’t be fair for her to be allowed to bring her child even if she is family.
2. I don’t want our wedding to be overshadowed by this child. I know that sounds bitchy & selfish but let me explain!! When FI and I got engaged, her wedding was 2 months later. Since she still lives in the same hometown as her parents (FI and I live 4 hours from the parents), they were very much involved in her wedding planning. More times than I can count, his mother compared his sisters wedding to ours. Even to the point when I went wedding dress shopping she would make comments like “Well (sisters name), didnt want to have a dress with a sweetheart neckline because she was worried about bending over & exposing her chest. Are you sure you want that kind of neckline” Or “Well (sisters name), really didn’t like that type of fabric so she went with lace (when referring to the dress I actually picked). Would you rather try a lace dress instead?” His mother is the sweetest woman out there and I’m blessed to have her as a future mother-in-law. I know she didn’t mean those comments in a mean way, but they hurt. Let me explain that his sister and I couldnt be more polar opposites if we tried so NO I didn’t want a dress like hers. LOL!! (I went completely opposite, btw)Okay, back to the topic at hand. I am very worried that if she shows up with the baby, that his whole family will be more concerned about the baby than celebrating our wedding. I know it sounds snarky but it’s how I feel. I feel bad for FI because the engagement got overshadowed and now the wedding?? He’s such an amazing man and he deserves the special treatment that his sister & husband got leading up to their big day, and most importantly ON the big day! But I know that he won’t get it and that’s not right.
How should I approach this situation? Sit down and have a talk with mother-in-law? Sister-in-law? With FI or without FI? It is really stressing me out. On one hand, I am VERY excited to have another neice or nephew and I’m really trying hard to be happy for them. On the other hand, I want to slap her and just cry. 🙂
Thanks so much for any advice.