FI stopped talking to me

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

FI gets that way every now and then. When he’s stressed, people overwhelm him very quickly and he just needs to be by himself otherwise bad things happen. Mainly he becomes a party pooper and leads to awkward moments followed by people backing slowly out of the apartment to give him space. This used to really bother me before because I wanted nothing more than to help somehow, but when he’s in that mood, even my presence is frustrating. I’ve learned to check in and then leave him alone. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready. I know it’s rough when you aren’t in the same place. For the majority of our relationship, we’ve been long distance and it was awful when he was in those moods and far away because I couldn’t be there to see it coming. There would just be silence and I’d worry. Did something happen? Did I do something, say something? Is his family alright? Every horrible thing imaginable came to mind and I’d get more frantic to get a hold of him and it just made it worse. Eventually, we did break up briefly because of this behavior. We now have an agreement. As long as he gives me a heads up, I won’t bother him. I’ll get a text, check to make sure he’ll be alright, then leave him alone. Give him time, check in once a week or so if it lasts weeks. Let him know you’re there for him, but don’t be too overbearing. I know it doesn’t seem that way, it didn’t to me, but they see it a different way. I hope it works out. 

 

Post # 4
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

SO goes silent when he is processing something meaningful or he just needs space.  Sometimes he will go silent on me and I think what the heck have I done, and I’ll worry, then at midnight I’ll get a text to explain why he was moody/silent and it will be because he was struggling to find the right words to express what he was feeling (overwhelmed by something).

I would try calling rather than messaging for a direct response. If he doesn’t answer, leave him alone for a bit and see how long it takes him to reply.

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Wait. You haven’t talked to him in three weeks?! I would be furious. You’re being really supportive by not putting relationship obligations on him while he tries to figure this out. So he can take 5 seconds out of his day every two days to send you a quick message saying he’s ok and that he loves you if he knows you worry that much. If that’s really too much of a strain for him, then there’s a serious problem.

A couple of days without talking, sure. If he needs it I can understand, although I would still be upset. But more than a week I think is crazy. This is selfish – it’s still a partnership so he should be at least doing the bare minimum on his side to sustain it! I agree that you should call him and have a conversation about all of this rather than messagine. Good luck!! I can’t imagine how you feel right now, and I hope it all works out.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First of all, he’s your husband. Not your FI. You’re married.

Second, from what I understand, he hasn’t spoken to you or messaged you in THREE WEEKS? Is this correct?

I’m sorry, but while guys do need time to withdraw and process things, I cannot come up with a single good reason for him to not communicate with his wife for three weeks.

Maybe you can shed some more light on this because I don’t get it at all.

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wish I knew how to respond to this. I get pissed if my husband doesn’t check in every few hours (and I do the same, it’s not a one way street), I can’t imagine him not responding for weeks…I really truly wish there was something I could say to make you feel better ((HUGS))

Post # 13
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@hotarubi:  You need to get him on the phone, or Skype, stat and find out what is going on. This is your husband: not some boyfriend you have to tip-toe around to prevent him from dumping you.

I would do this sooner rather than later, and just be direct: “why haven’t I been hearing from you?”

 

Post # 15
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@hotarubi:  You’re married: under no circumstances is it “demanding” to expect to speak to your long-distance husband at least daily. At all. He needs to start staying in contact better.

Post # 16
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@hotarubi:  It is NOT unreasonable at all. Call him. You deserve to know what is going on.

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