Post # 1
So the other day I went on my FI facebook page (we have each other’s passwords) well I saw a message from a girl I never heard of so of coarse I clicked on it. Come to find out he was flirting with this girl saying how cute she was. I then clicked on her page and he “liked” almost every picture of her and actually flirted on her page where everyone could see! I was of coarse heartbroken considering I love this guy, we have a daughter together and are living together.
When he told me about it, he said he thought it was my friend and I playing a joke on him trying to catch him talking to another girl so he flirted to “press my buttons” and that he wrote on his phone the moment he messaged her that he thought it was me. However when I saw the note on his phone no date or time indicating he wrote it the day he messaged her or the day I found out.
Idk what to do, of coarse I love him, and I have my daughter to think about but even though he says it was a joke I can’t stop hurting especially since I told him from the begining that if he would ever do something like that I would be done, because my ex did the exact same thing with me & I did not want to play stupid games. And even if it was a joke thats a hurtful thing to do. I can’t stop thinking of him being with another girl ugh. HELP!
Post # 3
I am so sorry you are in this situation.
I honestly dont have any good advice on this subject. This is a tough one. Do you believe him??
Post # 4
Only 2 things are happening here, he either thinks it’s ok to blatently flirt with other girls in front of you or he likes to “push your buttons” on purpose to get an emotional reaction from you.
It doesn’t matter which one it is, he’s being a complete jerk. If my fiancee got off on making me feel emotionally insecure he sure as hell wouldn’t be my fiancee anymore, children or no children involved. It’s completely immature and unacceptable behaviour from someone who should be in a loving, committed relationship.
Stick up for yourself and tell him you don’t find it acceptable or funny and if he thinks that’s the right way to treat his future wife and the mother of his daughter then he can think about finding someone else to laugh at. Tell him to grow up or get out.
Post # 5
MsLouella: a part of me does believe him but like soon2beemrsg said the fact that he did it to get an emotional reaction out of me is just as bad.
Soon2beemrsg: I did tell him and he’s been apologizing and doing anything possible he could to make up for it but it hurts because he knows I got really insecure after I had my daughter because I went from a size 2 to 12 and have horrible stretch marks everywhere and to be honest the girl he was talking to was actually pretty, making me feel worse
Post # 6
Nini007 It doesn’t matter if you grew to the size of a house after having his child (or not having a child at all) it doesn’t give him any right to treat you like this. He clearly knows that you’re having a bit of a body confidence issue right now and any man worth his salts would do everything he could to put comfort you and make you feel better about the situation, a good man WOULD NOT be teasing you by flirting with another girl.
It sounds to me like he was using the “push you buttons” remark to get away with the flirting and what he’s saying to you is ” I flirted with a pretty girl to upset you” Gee he sounds like a dream (!)
While it must be hard to see things clearly given that you’re feeling insecure at the moment you need now more than ever to say “excuse me, I’ve put on a bit of weight and have stretch marks because I had a baby, what’s your excuse for being a d!ck?”
Put it this way, if he was someone you’d just started dating and you didn’t have a child with him and he was doing this sort of thing, would you put up with it?
Post # 7
I’m sorry, but I think he is straight up lying to you. His explanation makes absolutely no sense: he was flirting with someone else to push your buttons? And then wrote a note down in his phone about it? That’s ridiculous. If he had actually thought it was you, he would have said it at the time. Look, I think that it is human nature to notice attractive people, even when we are in committed relationships. But actually flirting with someone else is crossing the line. I think the he got caught, tried to lie his way out (with a bizarre and completely improbable explanation), and also tried to place the blame on you by suggesting that you and your friend were trying to “trick him” with a fake profile. I would be upset that he flirted in the first place, but I would be way more upset with his dishonesty and failure to own up to the mistake and apologize. I would give a lot of thought if you want to stay with someone who treats you like that. 🙁
Post # 8
@Soon2BeeMrsG: I agree.
I don’t believe his excuse about trying to push your buttons, but even if that’s true it’s not ok. Maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Do you think you can trust him?
Post # 9
*HUGS* sorry you’re going through this. I’d get super jealous, so I’m probably not a good person to give you advice on this.
Post # 10
It’s kind of obvious what happened here. Your FI is interacting with another girl in an inappropriate way. He has a crush on her, and he knows what he did is wrong. Otherwise he wouldn’t have made up such an unlikely scheme to cover his tracks. Don’t be the girl who buys this kind of crap. He has to tell you the truth, and you can go from there.
Post # 11
This is why I don’t advocate that couples share emails or facebooks, or anything. It’s a dangerous habit and can cause trouble, as in the above. Having said that, sounds like he was doing something inappropriate, so it’s now up to you to figure out can you live with someone who flirts with other women online because the excuse he gave sounds kind of ridiculous.
Post # 12
How odd of a situation. Like 1) If he is lying, why would he “like” every picture, thats creepy! 2) If he’s telling the truth, why would he want to play games, or why would he think you are the type to do it?
I don’t really have advice. I don’t know your fiance to make a judgment call. Goodluck!!
Post # 13
Also, please don’t pick yourself apart because you gained weight and have stretch marks. I understand, I have stretch marks all over my body too from having a baby. It happens! Just remember despite the girl being pretty, and you feeling not so pretty right now, you are perfect the way you are. 🙂
Post # 14
That sucks. I think his explanition makes the situation worse. The fact that he be playing those types of games and trying to push your buttons in that way, says a lot about him and his charecter. This may be a huge red flag.
Post # 15
@Nini007: a relationship is built on trust. If your trust is broken this easily then perhaps it was never there? or perhaps you do still want to trust him you are just unsure thus your trust is bruised? If you love him and it seems to stop then you are going to have to let it go, otherwise you will never be able to move on. I hope it works out
Post # 16
I agree with PP’s that either situation totally sucks and are kind of inexcuseable. I am also a little partial to thinking he is making up the pushing your buttons and “i tought it was your friend” to cover his ass. Which MOST people would make something up to cover their asses instead of telling the truth in this type of situation.
Both scenarios are major issues IMO so I guess there’s a lot of soul searching to be done. I hope it works out.