Post # 1
Would appreciate your thoughts. Since even before we have been officially engaged, FI and I discussed having a small wedding on a beach in Mexico. Once we started talking it over with my family casually (while the ring was being made), FI started saying that he doesn’t care if it’s Mexico, as long as it’s small. Well, small is not feasible when we both have large families we are close with. The only way of keeping it small that I could think of was doing it in Mexico at the resort where my family has a timeshare. After months of convincing, my family is finally on board now, and finalized the date. Now FI isn’t crazy about the idea because he is getting some negative feedback from his friends/relatives, which is to be expected when you first announce a DW. However, instead of feeling confident that this is the best way to get a chill, relaxed, smaller wedding, which is what FI wants, he now is telling people that they don’t have to come, and is reluctant to engage in conversations with me about any details.
I’ve spoken to him and asked him what he wants, because my parents are paying so it’s not really feasible to try to do something else other than Mexico, or what my parents want which is a huge wedding in my home town. He says, yeah I guess you’re right, can’t come up with any alternatives that would make him happy, but then mentally checks out. He is in his mid-thirties, so has gone to a lot of weddings, and doesn’t even like being a guest, which is why the idea of a small beach wedding appealed to him. Now that it’s ours, though, he doesn’t seem to want any wedding at all.
I understand that most guys and especially my guy isn’t excited about planning or the details, but I feel bad that he isn’t excited at all. It’s this beautiful all-inclusive resort that we’ve gone to, with open-bar, and we had a great time, and I feel confident that other people will have a good time too. I just wish he would get on board. I think coloring his excitement about the wedding is some nerves about getting married, which is also to be expected, and we’ve spoken about this. But it’s hard for me to cheerlead our wedding to him, to our guests, and to plan it all, by myself and I’m getting tired. Last night when he told his friend that he didn’t have to come, I got really really sad.
Post # 3
@flowerring: Aww..sorry to hear you are felling this way. I know how hard it is to plan a destination wedding with all the flack you get from people who dont like the idea. Maybe your fiance just wants the small aspect for the wedding really badly so he is just trying to tell people they dont have to come so things remain smaller. We had to decline inviting alot of people to our wedding because we wanted a smaller wedding.
Post # 4
@flowerring: First of all, I’m really sorry that you’re having to deal with this. Planning a DW is VERY hard work and it can get frustrating at times. I myself just had a meltdown last nightover our DW. We have yet to get any negative feedback from friends or family (they know better than to say anything in front of me).
I went through a similar thing with my FI when we first got engaged. To me, he didn’t seem very excited at all about wedding details. I soon learned that he was getting busier at work, and he was just stressing about it. Once we talked it out, I could see a change in him, and every thing was fine.
I would talk to your FI about how you feel. From what I’ve read, his behavior (IMO) is completely unacceptable. If he doesn’t want a friend to come to the wedding, don’t tell said friend about it!! That makes absolutely no sense!!
Post # 5
I’d make a time for the two of you to just sit and talk and catch up. Maybe not about the wedding at first, but go for a walk or an afternoon at the park. Somewhere where you can spend some quality time not being interrupted.
Then tell him how you feel, without putting any blame on him straight away. Just express that while you know his intentions haven’t been to hurt you when he does x,y,z, it makes you feel like he doesn’t care and it also hurts your feelings. Say you really want to meet him half way and that it is REALLY important he doesn’t just shrug it off and check out. Stress that this is one of thoe moments when you really need his full attention and effort. Then maybe he’ll be up for brainstorming ideas. Anything goes, you just need to get him talking.
Who knows, maybe he’ll say he is sad he can’t get his favorite beer there, and you find a way and suddenly he’ll stop being so sulky! It could be something as simple and silly as that and hes just not communicating his feelings to himself or you!
Post # 6
@HappinessIsInDaisies: +1 -I think checking out of the wedding and a familiar scene is a great idea, if only for a few mins. You may need to reconnect on a relationship/loving level and then broach the wedding topic. I also think it was great to not put the blame on him but definitely express your thoughts and feelings. He wont know if you dont tell him and vice versa. Its funny cause I was in a similar situation but reverse. Wedding here was getting totally out on control so we decided to get married in Rio next May. Best decision I made thus far with the exception of marrying her!
Good luck and best wishes.