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I'm sorry you are dealing with this difficult situation. I completely understand. I'm FIL are the exact same way.
I have basically learned that I cannot count on them and take whatever they say with a grain of salt. I wouldn't accept much help from them, just because they could change their mind once something else happens and than you are going to be scrambling to get someone else to cover what they offered to do. In my ILs, it is the FBIL that is the "favorite" and gets whatever he wants. They make so many excuses for him...it's ridiculous. I honestly have anxiety attacks when I have to be around him. He's so out of control that I cannot handle him. He thinks it's all for the sake of fun, but it is so uncomfortable and embarassing at his ripe age of twenty seven and not twelve.
@floridabeachbride: I know exactly how you feel and my FI kindly let them know that actually my family has taken care of everything since they offered from the beginning so their help is appreciated but pretty much everything is taken care of. In Fi's family it's his younger brother 24 and his sister 30 who are the horrors and get whatever they want and have no consequence for anything they do, and they range from crashing cars, to throwing drinks, to stealing money, and even calling other siblings children not over the age of 5 names... like retarded, stupid, all with just a look the other way from his parents. I'm sorry you have to deal with your in-laws! All I do now is just laugh at how little they live in the real world and how they should have a reality show or something lol
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So I almost have to laugh at how utterly childish FI's family is.
FI went over on Friday to tell his sister that she can come to the ceremony only and gave her a list of rules for her to abide by. (She isn't the nicest person and has done some pretty horrible things to me) So FI's family hasn't said one word or offered any help with anything to do with the wedding... Well that is until Friday!
Within 30 minutes of him being home from his talk with his sister, both his mom and his dad had called to offer their help, and to see if we needed help with anything to do with the wedding. I am very grateful for their offers, but it almost baffles me at how little they care to be neutral in a situation. Like really the second his sister gets her way, they do a complete turn around and now are all about wanting to help. I find it hard to believe that they are truely excited to have me be a part of their family when they ovbiously find joy in letting FSIL do whatever she wants to people, and then almost rewarding people when they bend to let her get her own way, without ever even getting an apology from her.
I feel like they are so childish in the games they play. Especially with how little regard they have for other peoples feelings, really you shunning us for 6 months because of us saying it's not ok for FSIL to treat us the way she contiually does, and then calling to offer everything under the sun doesn't make me forget how you acted, up until FSIL got her way!
Sorry for the vent/rant!