- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hello, new to weddingbee.
I need some advice and I don’t really have another place to go, so maybe some of you wise ladies will be able to help out.
I have been with my Fiance for a little over three years, we got engaged a few months ago. I really love him and he’s been really into planning the wedding with me.
However, a few months ago my parents helped us buy a house as a graduation/wedding present for BOTH of us. He told me that he didn’t want to be involved in the house buying process and he left it up to me (He did this with our last two apartments, worked out fine those times). I had him give me a list of requirements for what he wanted our house to have, and I tried to involve him in all major decisions, he went to all the walkhroughs and stuff, but he was relatively absent for most of it.
We finally ended up buying a house that he had at least 5 months (those short sales take a while) to say he didn’t want, and I made sure he had every opportunity to say he didn’t want to buy it. We bought it, moved in and started working on the place.
My parents have been visiting one weekend a month to help with the remodel (if that helps).
My problem is that he is almost a completely different person since we’ve moved in. He doesn’t want to talk unless it’s about the wedding, he won’t cuddle or talk or play like we used to. He sits in his office and plays computer games until 3 or 4 am and goes to work at 8. I work second shift, but that was never a problem when we lived in the apartment.
I’m getting worried because he refuses unpack his office and other belongings (I had to hang up his clothes), whenever I ask him to unpack I find out that he just hid the boxes somewhere else and didn’t unpack them, and he doesn’t want to spend anytime outside of his office. There is a chair for me to sit in his office, but he covers it with stuff so I can’t sit there. He won’t help with household chores, and whenever I need his help with a remodel, he whines and complains and will only help for a few minutes until he makes an excuse. One time he went to bed at 7 pm in order to get out of staining cabinets. If I ask him to spend time with me or go to the movies or dinner he complains that he had a hard day at work (even on saturdays) and that he never gets any time to play his games. However, if I’m not asking him to do anything, he complains about how boring and easy his job is and that he’s tired from playing video games for hours on end.
Physical intimacy is gone, and sex as well. Whenever my parents are here he won’t even speak to me, he just sleeps or locks himself in his office. He doesn’t want to talk about any plans for the future that don’t involve the wedding, he doesn’t care about my school or my job. We’re not having money problems, or employment problems and we don’t have any kids. I’ve tried to bring it up but he just gets withdrawn and won’t communicate with me.
I’m worried because he’s not the man I agreed to marry a few months ago.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Am I missing something? I know about buyers remorse, but it seems way worse than that and we’re already lived her for 3 months. What should I do? Sorry if this is an innappropriate post for this community, but you’re all women who have been married, gotten married or are about to be married, so you’ve kind of been where I am.
Any help would be appreciated.