Post # 1
I’ve been thinking lately about different things that’ve happened during FI & my relationship and how much his “mother’s word” controlled everything. Granted yes I believe it early on since we started dating when we were 16 , you know parents still had a lot of control. But I’ve thought about how much he’s used his mom as an excuse yet his younger brother (who is 2 yrs younger) gets away with a lot more that “we weren’t allowed to”.
Honestly, I’m not sure if he was really telling me the truth or fibbing and using his monther as an excuse. I’m not gonna make a fight about it, but just wondering how many other bee’s FI/SO/DH pulled this?
Anyone else run into this problem?
Post # 3
Well I think it depends on the particular circumstances. I don’t think a mom should have any real veto power in a serious, mature relationship but if they have a valid point of view then that should be taken into consideration.
My most recent dilemma like this involves us picking a wedding date. It is very important that we get married during a school vacation. My reason – because of my dad. He has heart problems and since he is a teacher, school holidays will mean the least stress for him. The ideal date for us would actually be Good Friday 2014. It’s a friday, during school vacation here and it will be CHEAP! But his church going mom veto’d that and I totally understand why…
Post # 4
The truth could lie somewhere in the middle – I know my parents let my younger siblings get away with much more than I and my older brother ever could! Parents usually do have much stricter rules for their older children, and they lighten up a bit when the younger ones reach that age because “older son survived it, I’m sure younger son will be fine.”
This can even be noticed when the ‘kids’ are older – my parents rely on me a lot more than they do my younger sister, because I’m the mature one now, so I’m old enough to have a different relationship to them than my younger sister does (if that makes sense).
Edit: Unless, of course, fiance’s mum still controls a lot of his life to the extent that it severly impacts on your life together and how he relates to you.
Post # 5
I suppose it depends on what exactly he’s making excuses for.
Post # 6
Never had this problem, but I sometimes can’t do things because of my family. Although we are Armenian and family is a huge part of our culture and we must respect their word first. Things have changed, though since we’ve gotten engaged and now that he is my fiance, my family is more lenient with me missing out on holidays with our family or us going on vacations together. It’s kind of taboo to do any of that in our culture but I have never really followed tradition. Just done things or not done things to keep my old school folks happy. Could something like this be the case for your FI?
edit: We have always gone on mountain trips and Vegas trips with friends since we have been together in 08. By vacations I meant going away on “romantic” trips alone. My parents just don’t want any uptight family members and close friends to talk about us doing “unholy” things. It’s silly to me, but I understand how this is an issue to people like my parents. They aren’t accustomed to these things and my mom comes from a strict Catholic background so I try to respect her as much as I can.
Post # 7
@CestTresJolie14: yeah, pretty much that is the case. But what I was getting at is that we’ve done/not done things to make his family happy because they do come from a strong catholic background… but I was saying sometimes I really think HE’S just using his mother as an excuse to not do something since his other siblings can do it (sister that’s a year older and a bother thats 2years younger).
Like I said I wasn’t gonna bring it up to him because I’m so accustomed to following these rules, but I was curious if anyone else thought that. We are in a serious relationship, but he still lives at home since we are paying for our wedding on our own and still has to abide by these rules.
Post # 8
@cupcakebride2013: Ohhh I see what you are saying now. Well, it’s silly that he’s using his mom if that is the case. He should just be upfront if he doesn’t feel like doing something, but you know women are the superiod gender so we shouldn’t expect so much. 😉 jk to anyone that might offend! I was kidding. 🙂 Anyway, well soon enough you two will be married and he won’t be able to use his mom or anyone as an excuse so it’s a matter of time before he has to just be honest anyway. Try not to let it bug you too much. He might feel like his mom is going to frown upon him about something and will just say she is against it before even saying anything to her. Or he really might feel like it’s easier to just wait til you’re married to do whatever or not do whatever the situation might be to do or not do them. It’ll pass!