Post # 1
My FI has a close mate who I don’t really get on with. Ever since she got engaged a week before I intended to give my FI a promise ring (neither knew about what the other was doing until it was too late) we’ve been at loggerheads. I tried to keep things friendly but she has:
Walked out of my 20th birthday party
Failed to attend many of our big parties, usually letting us down at the very last minute (including my 21st, our engagement party and our first house party).
Fails to notify us when she can’t attend and tells us instead when we contact her.
Makes rude comments about our colour scheme
Makes some snarky comments if we can’t attend her parties, despite not making the 2 hour trek across town to attend ours.
She and I are both carers and sometimes care commitments intervene with partying. My FI can be working on a weekend and can’t change his shifts at the drop of a hat.
He values her as a close friend and wants her at the wedding, I’ve had enough of the one-sided approach and only want her at the reception as the wedding is a small outdoor “close family & friends only” affair and I don’t class her as a close friend. I personally find her quite immature as she dislikes not being center-stage and worry how she would behave at the wedding.
I’ve seen the look of hurt on my FI’s face several times when she fails to attend an event when she’s promised so many times she would and only wishes he would see how much she hurts him at times. I don’t want to pick his friends, but I don’t want somebody coming who shows little to no respect to us.
What would other brides do? I’m stuck on this one.
Your thoughts will be appreciated.
Post # 3
i think if your FI wants her at the ceremony, she should be at the ceremony and you should respect his decision.
it also looks like you have a lot of time until your wedding happens, so you don’t need to worry about it yet
Post # 4
I would distance myself for the time being to minimise any drama, you have a while yet. If it gets really bad I wouldnt invite her at all to be honest!
Post # 5
I wish it was that simple but unfortunately the guest list isn’t my decision. The annoying this is I get on well with her fiancé but I don’t think he really gets much of a say sometimes.
Post # 6
When do you have to have the guest list finalised by?
If your wedding is in 2013 a lot could happen in that time. You might become best pals or your fiance might even get sick of her!
If she keeps acting this way it wont be too hard for you to get your point across and come to an agreement over it.
I know its hard but ignoring some of the stuff might help, and make you come across “the bigger person”.
I am in a VERY similar situation myself. It sucks but at the end of the day the less emphasis that is put on this girl the better, cause its probably what she wants. She would probably get less attention by being at the ceremony than she is by being the source of arguments!
If that makes sense 😛
Post # 7
why don’t you have a say in the guest list at your wedding? We had a small, 30 person ceremony. I got to pick 15 people and so did my husband. He invited some people that I wouldn’t have picked (gf’s of good friends, when I said no SO’s even if you’re married b/c there’s just no room). But it was his 15 people, his choice, and as long as he didn’t go over I didn’t really care.
Post # 8
If your wedding date really is 2013, I would do nothing for the time being. I think this is a perfect “cross that bridge when we get to it” situation. Throw her on the guest list for early planning stages, but don’t necessarily say anything. You never know what might happen in the next two years.
Post # 9
I have to say, I think if having her at the ceremony is going to upset you to the point where you’ll feel bad about during the ceremony, try to stand your ground. Have you really talked with your FI about why you’re upset? Like, had a conversation where you use “I” statements and talk about feelings and try not to blame anyone or get angry?
He probably remembers all the good times. I’d say just talk about it gently, rather than going, “Don’t you remember when she did X and Y and Z?”–say, “I know she’s very important to you, and I want to make sure to honor that. But I’m concerned that she won’t have as good a time at the ceremony as she will at the reception, and I’m concerned that if she is late or decides not to come, like these other times, it will be upsetting for both of us.”