Post # 1
I was planning on having 3 bridesmaids – my two sisters and one close friend. Now Fiance is saying he really wants me to ask his sister to be a bridesmaid. It’s partly because he wants her and I to be close, and partly because he wants to have 4 groomsmen, and wants me to add one more maid to even things out.
Here’s the issue – I have never met his sister, or ever had any sort of contact with her. She lives in Chicago with the rest of FI’s family, and we live in Atlanta. I will likely be meeting her around Christmas, which is when he wants me to ask her, but I’m still not sure.
Should I go along with what he wants to make him happy, or say no? It honestly isn’t a huge deal to me, but I’m just worried it’ll be awkward for his sister to have someone she’s never met ask her to be a bridesmaid. If I don’t ask her, I’m afraid Fiance will take it as me saying I don’t care about his family.
Any advice is appreciated, ladies!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I would recommend you BOTH asking her– or at least, you asking when he’s around.
Having only just met you, it might be an awkward situation for her– but if her borther is close by to say he really wants her to be a part of it too, that will make it easier for her. Especially since it’s not a huge deal to you, why not do this for him? It’ll make him happy, and it’ll make her feel honored to be part of her brother’s wedding. I would go for it, and just keep him close by to ease her possible discomfort.
Post # 4
I think you both should ask her. It’s really no different than asking your brother to be a groomsman. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to be a part of your day.
Post # 5
Since you don’t know her, this would be a great way to bond.
Post # 6
Hi – I wouldn’t ask someone I don’t know to be a bridesmaid.
Think about your hopes and even expectations of what you’d like your bridal party to be to you. How does a stranger fit into that picture?
Personally I would feel really weird if someone asked me I’d never met before. Why doesnt your Fiance ask her to stand on his side?
Uneven numbers aren’t a big deal!
Post # 7
I would def ask her – it would be a very nice gesture and I’m sure it would mean alot to her. Plus, its his wedding too, and he should be able to have the people he loves standing with him, regardless of which side they stand on. 🙂
Post # 8
I’m in a similar-ish situation. I’m having my fiance’s 2 sisters as bridesmaids, although we’re not close and I never see them away from their house. We’ve been together (FI & I) for 6 years and I haven’t developed a real relationship with his sisters. They’re being my bridesmaids, though, because I could tell he wanted to ask them (although he didn’t) and I put his feelings first. By all means, not everyone should do that, I just felt it was right and it’s made him really happy. Just means I’m having 5 bridesmaids instead of 3 now!
Post # 9
First, I don’t think concerns about having uneven sides should play into this. Second, could he invite her to be on his side? I’m having my brother on my side. It doesn’t really need to be gender segregated. And you would still get to know her better without the stress of trying to organize a bunch of stuff with somebody you don’t really know. Or maybe there’s some other way to get her involved? I can totally understand not wanting a bridesmaid that you don’t really know that well, but I think that it is reasonable for him to ask to have her in the bridal party, and if that’s on your side, so be it. I agree that you should invite her together for whatever you end up deciding.
Post # 10
I’d say you both ask her.
Post # 11
Could he ask her to stand up on his side? Uneven sides won’t make your marriage invalid- remember these are people, not props for your wedding 🙂
Post # 12
I had somone I didn’t know as a bridesmaid, my Darling Husband best friend’s (groomsman) wife, and she was the most helpful supportive bridesmaid out of everyone.
Since you’re about to become family with this woman I think it would be a nice gesture. If you get along with her brother so well maybe she could become a really good friend.
Post # 13
I agree with Paigey, it’s a nice way to get to know the girl.
Post # 14
If this is just about the uneven thing – I have an uneven party and I am having a groomsman escort two ladies. You can also have two groomsmen escort one lady.
I asked my FI’s sister to be my bridesmaid because his mother really wanted her to be in my party and I wanted to foster good relations with his entire family. It has given me an opportunity to spend more time with her which has been nice. She is going to help liven up the bachelorette which I am thrilled about (my sister is a little boring).
However, she lives near us all and I see her a lot, so I know her. Your situation is a little different.
You have the right to refuse and have only your closest friends around you. This could be an opportunity to grow closer to this woman.
You will be “sisters-in-law” so you will be gaining a sister. You are having your sisters be your BMs, so why not try to gain a new sister?
Post # 15
P.S., welcome to the hive!
Post # 16
I would think of it as both of your wedding party rather than only your bridesmaids. If you had a really close brother or friend you wanted included and you didn’t want to go with the less traditional bridesman then it would probably be important to you that your Fiance see what it meant to you.
I think since it’s a positive wish on his side and doesn’t make things uneven that it shouldn’t be a big deal. I asked my DH’s sister and it worked out really nice, I can’t imagine what it would have been like without her. We really got to bond over the preparation, and it would have felt awkward for her to not be at the rehearsal or go out with us to get nails done and things.