- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
We’re in the thick of wedding planning (just over a month away!) and FI and I got into a bit of a fight on Tuesday. I kept shooting him ideas about different things–ceremony rituals, decorating, etc–that he didn’t like, but he didn’t have any to suggest. It got frustrating to me and I expressed how I felt like if he wasn’t going to try and give me some ideas, I should just plan the whole thing myself, at which point he admitted that he was a little overwhelmed by how stressed I’ve been for the last few months.
The backstory is that a few months ago, I was feeling really deeply depressed for a multitude of reasons that included reoccuring health issues (a massive amount of hair loss that’s still continuing, weight loss stalling) and being MOH in my friend’s wedding, where I was expected to do a bit more than most because the bride doesn’t live here anymore and I was doing some of the planning by-proxy, while also planning my wedding. When I had my bloodwork done it turned out that my iron was inconceivably low (still don’t know why!) and since I’ve been on iron, I’ve felt much more stable.
But, there were still a lot of stressors–my friend’s wedding, planning ours, my dress being taken in waaay too much and making me think I’ve gained weight, being accepted to speak at an international conference later this year, my brother attempting suicide (it was a cry for help, but still). On top of this my iron still isn’t at the levels my doctor wants it to be, and I’m still losing massive clumps of hair. I’m trying my best to keep it together, but there’s moments where the stress just breaks me down.
Of course, those moments are all with FI, because he’s the only one I’m really comfortable with, so he sees me at my worst. By nature he’s a super laid back person, while I’m generally (if it isn’t already obvious, hahah) very high-strung. My world view is “plan everything out from contingency A through D, so that no matter what you’re prepared” whereas he just goes with the flow. I think we work well together in most cases, because he keeps me grounded and I get him to think a bit more deeply about things, but with the wedding it’s just not working.
He told me that he understands that the wedding stress is something temporary and that it should pass, but he’s having trouble keeping his calm around me (as in, not also getting stressed) when I’m especially high-strung about something. I know that this is a part of my personality and who I am, but I also think it would be a lot healthier for my state of mind and even my actual physical health if I just tried to relax a bit more. The problem is… I have no idea how to do that. The typical relaxing things, like working out or taking a bath, are temporary reprieves (well, taking a bath WOULD be if my hair wasn’t falling out), but the stress all comes back the second those things are done. I’ve thought about meditating, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Are there any other high-strung bees out there with some advice? 🙁