Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
I want to preface this by saying in the 10 years FI and I have been together, I have always supported him when he wanted to do things/spend way too much money on hobbies. He’s always been a car guy (we met at a car show) and has had many vehicles (in progress show cars to misubishi Evo).
He bought a truck 2 years ago. He had to get a 7 year loan to afford the note comfortably. We are now about 1 year out from the wedding, and he wants to buy another car this fall. It’s not even released yet. Some brand new super expensive Lexus. He would have to lease it for 3 years, then finance it for another 5. He does not intend on trading in the truck he already owns. While he’s told me he would be able to afford both notes and insurances while still able to cover all bills and be able to save, I cant help but get anxiety over it. I tried telling him I dont think its a necessary expenditure just because he WANTS it. He doesnt want to wait til the wedding is over because he’s afraid our credits will be combined and hurt his score/finance options. I googled last night that getting married does not join credit lines, but he said that doesnt change his mind. After I gave him my ideas of the situation, we stopped talking about it for now.
He thinks he needs to get his “last toy” before the babies start coming (approx 4 years from now). Do I support this? Trust he has it under control? I guess I’m a little freaked because i recently had a issue with my taxes (was unknowingly exempt) and allllll of my savings for the wedding are now gone, nor do I think i’ll be able to save up much in the next year. I’m afraid if something out of the ordinary were to happen, we wouldnt be able to handle it because he would have 2 car notes and 2 insurances. I guess my question is- do I continue to bring up my insecure feelings over it to talk him out of doing it, or do I support him and trust he can handle it? I dont want to be that nagging wife that doesnt let my husband do what he wants. I just want to make sure this isnt just a nagging moment, and that i have legit points. Thanks bees 🙂
Post # 2
theEguarantee: FI and I have 6 accounts. We each have our own checking and savings account and then we have a joint checking and savings account. We put certain amounts in the joint accounts and we put the rest in our own accounts.
For us….the decision would be this: If he can afford it out of HIS checking/savings account (without a loan) he can buy it. If he needs a loan or will be using joint money for anything (insurance, downpayment, etc) then it has to be a joint decision (and I would probably say no).
Our personal philosophy is that we don’t take loans for anything that isn’t a large purchase and absolute necessity. New couch? We won’t finance it because we can sit on the old one until we save up for a new one. A new car? If our old one is dying (or costing us a lot in repairs) then yes, we need it to get to work. A second/fun car? Not even a chance.
Luckily, our spending habits are similar. He is also a car guy and spends a lot of his personal money to buy things like a new intake, new exhaust system, new LED head lights and tail lights, so I get that part, but I wouldn’t support him buying another “toy” that will need payments for the next 8 years.
Post # 3
theEguarantee: LOL. Yeah, sorry…if you have to finance a car over a seven or eight year term, you’re not affording it – you’re just willing to put yourself in financial straights to get it.
I can guarantee you that your FI is way, way, way upside down on that truck – that he owes far more than it’s currently worth and this may be why he’s not trading it – he can’t. I can also pretty much guarantee you that he’s going to want a new car long before the truck or Lexus is paid off.
He’s financially irresponsible. he’s feeding you a line of bullshit about his credit raging. I seriously doubt that after marriage he’s going to magically become responsible. You should think about that and what it will mean to your future.
Post # 4
Are you combining finances after the wedding? Personally, I could not just let this go. It’s not just “his” money and “his” life this purchase effects. If he is getting married to you, he needs to start thinking about what is best for the both of you as a unit and stop being so selffish imo. I would have to sit down and look at the numbers with him and the outcome would hopefully be one of 2 things. 1. You believe that he does have plenty of money for it, and continue to support this spending of his. 2. He sees the numbers and budgets and decides that he in fact cannot very comfortably afford it and decides not to get it. Do you have a house? Retirement savings? Rainy day savings? All that should come before another lux car imo.
Post # 5
Even if your money isn’t combined, I think the best case scenario is to work together towards the same goals. I also think it is important for successful long term partners to have similar financial outlooks.
If he is “wasting” money on something he doesn’t need, I can understand your annoyance. However, if he can afford his “waste” while still meeting your joint obligations and goals, then the choice should be his.
I would be annoyed with my partner if he wanted to spend money on extravagant luxeries, especially if the purchase wasn’t an asset and actually depreciates in value (like a car). The money could be used in better ways that benefit you both.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
We do own a home, we have a joint checking account together, but have our separate checking & savings accounts as well.
I told him I do believe he’ll never be satisfied, and if he gets into buying this car it will only be a matter of time before he wants something else.
I suggested maybe he find another vehicle he would like just as much that wouldnt be such a long term/over the top investment. I’ll keep voicing my concerns. Like i said, this particular car wont even be available til the fall. Once we stopped talking about it last night, things popped into my head to ask him the next time he brings it up- “will this benefit our marriage/future/financial situation?” Pretty sure the answer is no to all of these. He’s definitely got an issue with buying things because he WANTS them. I told him I think hes done enough of that in the last 10 years, and needs to slow down.
Thanks for reassuring me I wasnt being naggy & over thinking this!
Post # 7
Zhabeego: +1 I completely agree. The real reason not to trade in the truck is because he owes so much money on it, and getting a second vehicle under the circumstances is irresponsible.
Post # 8
thenewmrsmax: +1. I like your approach to joint finances!
We do something similar in that a certain percentage of our paychecks go into the joint account and the rest is up to us to divide between our individual checking and savings as we see fit. One off purchases from the individual accounts do not require permission-but anything that will take up a lot of space (like a car), require recurring outlay (like a car), or potentially change our lifestyle (like a….pet. Or a car!) has to be discussed and agreed upon.
Maybe your guy will cool his jets on the second car in the coming months. However, you guys definitely need to get together a financial plan and agree on how you are going to handle large purchases and discretionary spending once you’re married.
Post # 9
Omgoodness a 7 year car note and then another 8 year financing deal. Heck no! Right before I met my husband he “bought” the brand new Camaro. Paid $5k over MSRP and entered into a 6 yr loan. I cannot believe he is still paying for that damn car. He doesn’t even like the car anymore. He (we) will never make that kind of decision again. At most a 3 year finance agreement and if that doesn’t work the car is just not within budget. Obviously credit is not the issue otherwise the loan wouldn’t have been offered. I just think of a car as a very pricey trend and when it goes out of fashion I don’t want to still be paying for it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
LoveBugBee: you’re exactly right. He knows purchasing a car is different than purchasing a pool cue, which is why we’re discussing it together. It would 100% come out of his own account, but ultimately, it would likely effect both of us. I’m hoping to come up with some good points here to bring to him so he wont be so blinded by the shiny new car lol
Post # 11
theEguarantee: this isn’t a $500 xbox you’re talking about, this is a ~$80000+ almost decade long financial commitment! Just the idea of making payments on an 8 year old car that’s probably worth a small fraction of what he paid makes me want to run in the other direction.
This is beyond irresponsible. You’re not being a nagging fiancée if you’re the voice of reason. I’d love to make payments on a Chanel 2.55 (and heck, that’s something that doesnt depreciate in value!), but I don’t because I’m an adult and I have to plan my finances around what the responsible thing to do is, not what my wants are.
He may think he can afford it now, but what will the two of you do if one of you loses his/her job? If one of you gets sick and can’t work? If your house needs a new roof? And if he is contributing to savings and retirement healthily and has so much money leftover, he can pay off his truck faster.
If I were you, I wouldn’t drop this.
Post # 12
If he’s talking about buying the LFA, that car is hot, amazing, mind blowing sex on 4 wheels, and if my fiance came to me and said he sold everything to buy that car, I would completely understand. It’s not the fastest on the Nurburgring stock, but that’s ok. Any other Lexus, my answer would be a resounding ‘oh HELL no’.
Post # 13
theEguarantee: I have a Lexus that is kind of a sports car. As much as I love it, even now, 10 years later, it was a dumb decision made when I was 21 years old. And of course, the worst part is that after you end up paying for all those years, pretty much paying the car twice, the car is old and needs repairs. I just had to buy a new SUV because the Lexus needed $6,000 in repairs to keep moving. Lexus parts are expensive. REALLY expensive. And in sports cars they use very thin tires and big rims. This means tires are $175-200 the cheap ones and they break super easy. Mostly get damaged and get bumps (bubbles) if you hit a pot hole. Having $200 extra in unexpected expenses due to tire changing every couple months is an extra he needs to account for. Paying that much money in repairs for an old car that might break down three months after that was not a smart move. And get this… I was spending $800 a month in gas on that baby. So the fact that he can barely get financing for it, having to lease and then finance for 5 more years says that he is really not in a position to comfortably afford that car. I’d be worried too
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
Sporty-Bee: I have a friend who invested in a Lexus a couple of years ago, expecting to still be living at home for a while, then all of a sudden met a man, moved in w him and now theyre getting married in 2 months. Needless to say, shes living paycheck to paycheck bc of it.
I know he needs to think ab the responsibility part of it, but he just wants it so bad, hes having a hard time telling himself no. I’m trying to help with that part lol good thing is, he is a body repair guy, so he can get all parts at cost (still ridic expensive) & do the labor himself. And he said it is a 100,000 mile/7 year warranty.
I think maybe if he just leased it for 3 years, then traded it in, or cut the lease, he could at least say he had it for 3 years. But yall are all correct in that it isnt worth an 8 year investment.
MariContrary: hahah i’m actually not sure what model it is. I’ll ask him & let you know. I dont doubt it would be amazingly awesome. He even made sure it has carseat contstraints for when we have kids, but financially, its just unneccesary.
Post # 15
theEguarantee: Right after we got engaged my FI wanted to BADLY to buy a Lexus (he was looking at Audi’s as well). He desperatly needed a car upgrade..but the pricetag was redonkulous.
I was able to find out the reason why my FI really “needed” that particular Lexus, and he explained that the technology in the car was amazing, and not really on the market yet ,lange change assist and lane keep assit for example.
So I started doing some homework, and wouldn’t you know that Honda came out with a new Accord 2013 (it was 2012 at the time) that had most of the features he was looking for (except for lane keep assist, but apparently that wasn’t available on the Lexus in Canada anyways). The Accord had the change assit, the look of an more expensive car, other technology that my now Dh was looking for… fully docked, the Accord was all for less then half price of the Lexus.
It took some convincing, and some primises that the next car (in like 3-5 years) can be a Lexus or Audi and we took home the Accord (after hours of bargaining) , it was brand new at the dealership maybe 1 week…but yet we spent less.
Most people think we have a luxury car (if they don’t see the honda sign) also Honda lasts like FOREVER….our other older car is a 97′ Accord, still going strong (needs to last me till I am done school).
So take my story as a lesson, don’t try to convince him not to get it, try to postpone his desicion if you will. Also find out why he wants that specific carl. good luck.